D is For… DRIVE

Drive is one of the most common words in my vocabulary. When it comes to my car; it’s defined by a licence, my overall ability, and a really great stereo. When it comes to my personality; it’s defined by desire, determination, and passion. When it comes to my game; it's my very favourite golf club. Matter a fact, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside each time I step up to the tee.

There is a definite balance of all three in my day to day life. Bought new Taylor Made golf clubs last year and my drive improved so much that when my ball took flight, it travelled so far that thing was showing a movie! I am equally intense about my personal drive; I've always had it, hope I always will. The downside? This time last year I had the burning desire to drive a car as well. Sad fact is that it was to drive really fast, and the hell out of town this sleepy little town!

What can I say, life is tough right up until the moment it isn’t. Doesn’t matter if your golf game has a case of the shanks, your career isn’t where you expected it to be, or your personal life is in the toilet; the only one that can keep your life together is you. Feel free to blame others for your lot in life, but there's no one else but you driving the proverbial bus called life.

April 4, 2013 - DRIVE
Taken: Downtown Toronto January 27, 2013

What a difference a year makes. Seems this year  I just can't get enough of a good daytrip that always leads me home.

I love having my head out the window, the wind in my hair, the bugs in my teeth, with not a care in the world. OK that's my dogs but it makes my point.

Is that my problem right there in a nutshell? Am I just too dang busy trying to my life through others? Guess my lunch with Jeff Gordon is on the back burner. Pfft... Figures!

If you honestly believe that I don't know who I am and what I want, I have a parcel of swamp land in Florida. I'm in Sales. Any takers?

C Is For… CAMERA

From a very young age I have always enjoyed photography. In High School I use to take pictures with a 35mm Canon my older brother had bought my parents for Christmas;  but if recollection serves me correctly, it was after my mother passed in 1987 that the bug really took hold of me.

April 3rd, 2013 - CAMERA
Taken: March 29th, 2013

The photo I am posting was taken this past Easter weekend while I was out for a toot around the Lakes.

When I pulled into the landing (as an avid swimmer) I was thinking my C post was going to be C-C-C-COLD.

As I approached the water (and the colours were so vibrant) my thought process shifted to  CHAIRS.

As I crouched to take this photo, all the bells and whistles went off in my head. Ding Ding Ding CAMERA won the coin toss!

Funny how things happen. I had a friend take a picture of his family in these very chairs and share it with me. It was an amazing photo. In fact, I thought of him in the moment as my shutter closed.

I couldn't help but reflect on what a difference the lapse of seasons makes to a setting. When he snapped his photo, the buzz would have been energizing. When I snapped mine, I was totally alone in my thoughts. His was picture of sheer camaraderie, mine is one of chosen solitude.

His defined the summer excitement in Muskoka. Mine? That my intimate spring picture at the landing's worth a very different thousand words.

B Is For… BUBBLE BATH

What do I love more than having a bubble bath? Making it a bubble bath for two!

I’m not talking when the dogs set their chin on the side of the tub, or my husband's standing over top of me asking if he needs to pick up the mail (or something at the grocery store). I’m talking about the very best kind...

You know the one? When you have to add more hot water because the first batch has cooled off, and you're both in such a relaxed state, that you don’t want it to end. My favourite thing? When  candles get lit, and you listen to music together. Better yet, where the mirror gets steamy, and your glass of wine remains chilled.

That right there is what I consider to be the perfect bubble bath. You know the type? The one you never make time, nor ever take the time, to have!

April 2nd, 2013 - Bubble Bath
Taken: Feb 5th, 2012

Hey... Aside from it being by favourite thing to do, I have to ask the question; do I get two points for the double B’s?

Hey look at me go!

Big Boobs

Beautiful Bracebridge

Bad Breath

Ball Breaker

BMLSS Broncos

Big Bird

Blackfly Bites

or

Baby Boomer

Better yet, how about BLISSFULLY BADGERING B for 3?

What can I say? Take the easy points when they're there for the taking! Lord knows that I have worked really hard for every single one I have ever earned and then some!!

A Is For… ADMIRATION

I’m not sure why I picked this word when I could have gone with abstinence, aerobics or even with what I am; which is abnormal. Guess I chose it because all of my life I have been a die-hard admirer.

April 1st, 2013 - ADMIRATION

The people, places, things I admire change regularly; I’d like to think that happens because I never want to stop learning. 

Take this post for example. I admire Arlee Bird for founding the A-Z Blogging Challenge (Happy Birthday Arlee). His commitment and vision inspire me. The more I understand what it is I am participating in, the more it amazes me.

I admire all of you for reading. Just look how far we’ve come in such a short period of time! Knowing that you read, gives me something to look forward to, so thank you very much.

What else do I admire? I admire my husband. I am filled with admiration at the thought that after all of these years (of me being a complete and total bitch) he’ll still reach to hold my hand as we stroll across a grocery store parking lot. I admire our children. Who will look back at the life we have given them, knowing that we worked hard for them, and realize that we really did do our best.

Most of all? I admire that I know I will never stop dreaming (no matter how small my dream may be).

 I admire that you taught me that B. You truly are one of a kind!

Brace Yourselves Kind Folk…

Trekked into the cottage and enjoyed an amazing Spring day yesterday. For once, it was my husbands idea to head in and relax (before the shitith hitith the fan). It'll be a very crazy month for  me but that's part of the fun right?

Thanks Tony!

Taken: Orillia Lake... Forever Ago

I’m not sure why I took on this A-Z Challenge; I’ll be honest, I am not sure I will be able to finish. I have always been pretty driven, so I guess that's why I am willing to try.

How be we all just fold and give me an E for effort in general shall we?

My first EFFORT is tomorrow. Seems like there are very few Canadians involved; so I can’t promise I will even get noticed. That said, if you like a particular post, please share it. I promise I will keep them brief. A quick boo (even at why I chose the letter for the day) is all I ask.

Before it starts, I wanna send out a great big thank you. Thanks for understanding Tony. You know I will make it up to you  the first weekend in May!

Speaking of the first weekend in May. Can you have the water, septic, and outdoor shower hooked up at Orillia Lake by then?

Shoot. Let me guess, too far? CRAP...I knew it! I'm sorry. They were on my list of things to do and you know old habits die really hard...

Let's go this route. Anything on the list you can get crossed off before the first weekend in May will be greatly appreciated. xoxo

A Wee Fly In The Ointment!

As I began hatching my A-Z plan, it dawned on me that I have a compounded problem. That is, well, really big.

This weekend is Easter. Happy Easter ALL. I work this weekend. Next week is Cottage Life, the week after I am in the City for my birthday, and the week after that I head away on vacation with my sister until the end of the month.

As I sit here shaking my head (at the magnitude of the commitments I've made) I think I need my freaking head examined. Am I a total sucker for punishment? Don't answer that! 

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON

As a prelude, I was chatting with an electronic friend last night and they offered me some advice “just keep moving...it is when you stop that you have to worry” he said. 

Seriously? That’s all ya got? A real friend would jump right in there and say “you can do it; I know you can” or “to help, I’ll post for you the four days you’re driving”.

Better yet “I’m made of money. How be you and your sister fly out of Buffalo? I’ll pay!!” Okay, I know I'm reaching on the last one but ya gotta give me points for throwing it out there.

I digress. Back to my issue at hand; which is there won't be enough hours in a day. Because not doing any of the above isn’t an option, as suggested I will just keep going and push through. I think if I am organized, have my ducks in a row, have my tee times booked before I leave, it should be fine.

Lastly, I’m joking, about my friend being made of money. He's totally made up of a throng of sarcasm, complimented by a spalsh of sexy marmalade imported from France.

Who the hell needs cash when you're rockin' the other two? Not that cat!

26 Letters in 26 Days…

Well it’s official. I've signed up for the 2013 A-Z Blogging Challenge.

What the heck? I figured it's not like I have a busy life; nothing ventured, nothing gained right? Because I know the suspense is killing you, I am please to announce that I am registered as #1383. 

Life On The Muskoka River (as blogged by Cathy Olliffe-Webster) was/is my inspiration and she's registered as #180. Better late than never right Cathy? I'm kidding. It feels kinda cool. They expect more than 2,000 Bloggers will register before midnight March 31^st.

What the hell am I talking about?

I have to blog about a letter of the alphabet every single day (excluding Sundays) for the entire month of April. There are rules to follow and guidelines that have to be met. Trust me, this serious blog stuff!

What did I do immediately after I joined? I started a little spreadsheet; because I'm afraid I will get blocked, and I'll get the boot.

As of right now, there is only one letter of the alphabet set in stone. The letter “I” will be for my mother, and her very unique name.

I promise to keep them short and would appreciate any input if there’s a topic you’d like to read about. FYI - There's nothing written in stone that "S" will be for SEX but I may entertain a bribe or three!!

Wish me luck. Better yet? Let's just have a few really great laughs along the way!

I AM Happy... Yet I Have Questions.

Looking back at my posts from this time last year, I know I didn’t have a single ounce of self-esteem; truth of the matter, I hadn’t had any for about the five years previous. I'll admit that I  was reading a lot to understand my situation at hand but I was at a complete loss, and had been for a very long time.

My really great stories are told when I smile with my eyes...

I may have regained my self esteem since but I still have some questions; the last six months tell me I always will.

Seriously? The personal biggie? Does everything happens for a reason?

If that's the case, what was MY reason?

If I am completely honest with myself, part of what's happened to me was due to how the journey with my father ended.  I know that sounds like a bit of a crutch. Yet, when do we really need crutches? We need them to aid us when we are hurting. After the last couple of weeks, it has become apparent that I am still in pain. Which is why I am finally going into grief counselling.

My daughter posted this graphic this morning and I immediately did two things; I saved it to my phone so that I could share it with all of you, and I sent it to a friend. Not because our friendship had some tragic ending; I just wanted to let them know, that no matter how many questions I have, I wouldn't change a single chapter of our story.

At the end of the day, isn't it the really great stories that provide one big happy ending?

What do ya know? Imagine that... Yet another question!

Missing My Daisy Marie

I worked yesterday then headed out to do a few chores. I felt like buying myself a new movie but as always when you set out to shop for something you want, you can never quite find what you’re in the mood for. Walking on the wild side, I splurged on a People magazine and a small packet of chocolate Easter eggs.

Before heading to the checkout I decided to browse the book section of the store. I immediately came across a paperback that had a picture of a beagle on the front. Without hesitation I picked up the book and said my words out loud. “Oh my Daisy Marie, I miss you every single day” and I truly do.

Cooling off in the lake with my Daisy Marie
Taken: August Long Weekend 2011

I am still amazed that after all these months the attachment is so strong. I think it’s because for a very long time I felt like she was all I had. 

We spent all of my free time together. She was the best comfort a girl could ask for. She always ensured that I never felt like I was ever alone or lonely. 

I use to talk to her. I use to tell her my problems and I swear she could sense when I was sad. Lord knows she knew when I was mad; she also knew that my anger was never aimed at her. She was my very best friend.

I look back at where I was a year ago and just how far I have come. Though I have made some drastic changes in my life I know that there are more to come. As selfish as it may be, I wish I still had my best friend with me. That way I wouldn't have to go through the motions all alone. I have great memories yet there's so much I want to tell her.

Glass half full? Maybe I'll start a journal just for her. That way it'll feel like I can talk to her again. Trouble is she won't be next to me hogging the bed. As silly as it sounds, that's one of the things I really miss the most.

The Secret? It Comes From Within!

I am pleased to report that next month marks a very significant milestone for me personally. Ten years ago next month, I opened my very own consulting firm.  

Right from the moment I made the decision to do so, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But I also I knew that if I did the analysis in the front end, the monetary rewards would be mine for the taking. 

As expected, I was absolutely bang on from the get go. My hard work paid off and it really did happen for me. It happened fast.

Though I am proud to have seen more success than I expected, when the Banks fell (pre-Obama) I was really burnt out. I leaned on my inner circle as a sounding board, and as a result I decided to shift from consulting and focus on the construction industry. I took a day job.

Though I never stopped consulting entirely, I did put did my wee baby to bed. Yesterday confirmed that I may have put her to bed but she never fell asleep. What the hell does that jibberish mean?

I went out for lunch with a business associate yesterday. I was keen on the invite but I figured it would be a cordial business discussion at a very macro level. I was wrong. Two and a half hours later; I’d barely touched my lunch. How we managed to end up on the same page (as quickly as we did) still has me in shock.

As I have said many times before, I am a leader. I do love my day job but there is something to be said for building something from the very start and then watching it come to fruition. It’s not only something I find  personally fulfilling, if done right it's also financially rewarding. So here I type.

Having done it before there's one thing that I know for certain;  it is crazy hard work. It's hard work that you dig deep for, that only comes from within. Because I have done it before I have to tread cautiously and be careful what I wish for. This week I was all cool and touting “exhaustion before boredom”.

This proposed task may provide me with exactly that. Keep your hands and feet in the ride at all times right?

"Rap" It Up & Charge It A$AP!

As scheduled, I headed down to the Harbourfront yesterday afternoon clutching my Rihanna ticket in one hand and a five hour energy drink in the other. I had worked in the morning and as expected got out of town late. 

Adding icing to the already late cake, I landed in the hotel only to discover that it was apparent the concert giver was going to keep us waiting. Not a big deal for most. But I am old. What can I say? My bedtime is my bedtime and that's the way I like it.

Pushing through the pouting and keeping a positive outlook we arrived at the ACC as the gates opened. Snapping a picture of Staci at the Gate 5 Jumbotron, I immediately realized that I had left my camera memory card in the laptop back at the hotel. 

Leaving my sidekick at The Real Sportsbar  I started to run. In really shitty weather (and in two and a half inch heels on concrete) I put Forrest Gump to shame. That's a lie. The only thing going through my head was "don't fall Baby... you'll break a hip." Feck! A half an hour later, I arrived back where I'd originally started. 

Into the ACC we go to find our seats and wander around for about an hour and a half before A$AP Rocky took the stage. We both enjoyed the opening act. I'm not sure why we're all "bitches and hoes" but apparently "p*ssy & money" combined with "weed" makes a generation all the better. Joking aside; the lad had talent. It was my first mainstream Rap experience and I was impressed; enjoyed his entire set. 

When the house lights came up, Staci and I made our way to each other once again. Her stage left seat was so good she'd made a video for her brother. As a result, we had to get her phone to a charging zone station pronto.

Staccs & I hanging in the Rogers Charging Zone
Taken: March 18th, 2013
Rihanna Concert w/ A$AP Rocky (ACC)

As the ACC emptied into the lobby, line ups were fierce. As Staci held a space in line, I was on the run again. 

With her iPhone in hand I was on the move. "If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, check every charging station to the left of you" I said.

"It means I have found a shorter line!". Turns out I had done just that.

I had found a shorter line as well as a handsome bloke to chat along side while waiting. 

Because his phone wasn't entirely dead, he let me charge Staci's phone before his own. I really do think that if you exude positive energy (and standup comedic relief) people tend to gravitate toward you. When Staci arrived I introduced them; together we all proceeded to wait.

Over an hour from starting our quest we were headed to our seats for the main event. As expected, Rihanna brought down the house. In turn I spent the next hour and a half dancing my ass off in a two by two foot square in front of a folding chair in the 20th row.

Awesome night! Great show, yummy late night food, and I am pleased to report I am NOT in the need of a hip replacement anytime soon. I do have some serious shin splints from all the running in the wrong footwear. Oh, and only one regret...

I can't believe I didn't get the name of the nice guy that put Staci's phone on the charger before his own. Thanks Dude... it really was greatly appreciated!

Walk A Mile In Your Own Shoes…

On a scale of one to ten yesterday ended around a two. From a personal point of reference; I am only giving it a two because one is the loneliest number, and I refused to go below zero.  That said, I woke up this morning embracing my simple philosophy to “greet each new day” and by golly it worked!

I may be crazy busy at work but I am also transitioning at home. Follow the bouncing ball here; the nest was empty, the nest became partially full, the nest was really full, and now it's scheduled to empty again one final time April 1st. This time around, there isn’t any sadness associated with the transition, rather a more certain kind of relief.

Here's the final Jeopardy question. When do we push our young to strive for success on their own? Some would say never; but that’s probably because they no longer know their spouse, nor have an  identity outside their children. That use to be me. That is no longer me.

My oldest left for good a year ago last December. I always ask how he's doing and we continually watch him on YouTube. Out of the nest, he's made some very serious progress. Others pose their love to him and vent their frustration with me; so to this day, I am sure he feels the same way about me as the day he left, and I am okay with that. I've got big shoulders. I'd like to be able to say breasts but shoulders will have to do.

Hello my name is Rhondi...

I know absolutely nothing and
I am a great big hairy BITCH!
Taken: February 18th, 2013

One accounted for; two to go.

Well, it appears the other two are a wealth of life experience & fiercely independent. I'm sure you'll recognize the equation for their logic and key to future success. You know the one “I know absolutely everything therefore parents are total idiots and know a grand total of nothing”. 

That kind of math wins ya a prize every time. Just so happens to be a ticket to your very own personal accommodation located outside the family home.

Yes-sir-reee school is over. The partying and the trips are over. The bank rolled lifestyle is over. Both need to put their heads the hell down and quit blaming their parents (and others that hold them accountable) for all of their woes in their life.

My best advice would be that they take a long hard look at themselves in the mirror. The only person they can ever blame for not being where they want to be in life is staring right back at 'em... PERIOD.

I know you're probably pretty shocked in reading that right there but what the hell. I have been the bad Cop in this here town for longer than I care to remember...

Why stop now!?!

Literally A Dog's Breakfast!

For whatever reason our dogs have always had a focus on my things. All things that are mine; nothing in particular. Let’s just say using history as a guide (for the better part of a decade) I have always kept my shoes in a closet vault under lock and key.

Well, last Friday night I got all gussied up and headed to the Annual MBA Spring Fling. It's not like it was a super formal event but let's just say no one showed up in  denim jeans and a Muskoka Dinner Jacket.

Dog tired when I arrived home (no pun intended) I accidentally left my super expensive sandal back leather shoes on the landing by the front door. The weekend passed without event. Silly me, it never once registered that I should return my wee gems to the shoe vault in my closet.

As you know, I left for Toronto bright and early Monday morning; by the time I returned home late Tuesday afternoon, the deed was done. Puddin’ had been eagerly snacking on my favourite leather dancing shoe. UGH! I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I obviously blamed myself for leaving a really tender piece of beef jerky by the door, and tried to immediately let it go. Sucks to be me.

Glass half full? Could have been the new purse I bought Tuesday!
Taken: March 14th, 2013 (at 6:30am)

Going through the motions of a regular workday, I got out of the shower this morn, and wandered into the living room.

There they both were; enjoying a very expensive luxury breakfast. 

My guess? Dottie realized after her Quirky Sidekick didn’t get her sorry ass booted into next week for the first shoe, the other must automatically have her name on it.

What did I do?

Chuckled; grabbed my phone and snapped this pic. Why? Because life is too short.  Ya Gotta Laugh About it! 

Which is exactly what I did.

P!nkture Perfect!

I’m exhausted. Every time I “Spring forward” it really does screw with my sleep patterns. 

How does a girl compound losing an hour of sleep at an inopportune time of year? Toss in a front row experience at a P!nk concert and voila; you’re guaranteed to be breathing through your eyelids!

♫ ♪♫   Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands? ♪♫♪
(The hair stood on my arms as she began...)
Taken: March 11th, 2013 - ACC Toronto
Photo Credit: ME

What can I say? 

It was a really amazing and well worth the lethargy. 

That said, there were a couple of things that caught me off guard. 

The waiting around and the "wannabe’s” were brutal. Seriously folks; you don't know her so shut the hell up!!

And three; the experience itself was a bigger surprise than expected. 

As bizarre as it sounds, it was kinda like I was dreaming.

My meeting another single ticket holder was definitely an added bonus. My meeting another single ticket holder, that was a seasoned concert goer (that would never for settle for anything less that a spot in a concert Pit) was a godsend. 

Just like me; Basil loves music more than expensive shoes. 

She understands the entire culture and she is anything but a “wannabe”. She was soft spoken and warned me of certain things to watch out for. Waiting indoors after checking in, she helpfully answered my questions without frustration. While others around us were whining, she took everything in stride. She just had an amazing energy.

I was intrigued that she had studied the videos online. As a result, she knew exactly where we needed to be for the optimal concert experience. Because it was a General Admission area, we worked together (for hours) to ensure that we kept 'our spot' for the show. I didn’t realize how cut throat the area was going to be until it got closer to show time. That's when people started to manoeuvre for our space. The exact space that Basil had handpicked for us.

All of that said, last night via Facebook my newest friend said something to me that makes me realize just how people can get carried away. “Not many Pit rookies would help young girls get their hands touched by P!nk, that's a veteran move.  I'm sure it was MUCH appreciated” she said.

I had helped by putting the desires of two ten year old girls (that’s didn’t have VIP tickets) ahead of myself. P!nk took the time to acknowledged all of us but those girls will remember that for the rest of their lives. I’ll remember the looks on their faces and the gratitude that was shared by all. Even now I am smiling; hard to believe others wouldn't embrace the opportunity but it's true.

As Staci and I head down for Rihanna next Monday, I was explaining (to my friend Dave) today where our seats are; 20th row on the floor. As I look forward to my next experience there is only one thing I know to be true. The pictures won’t be nearly as perfect! 

Thanks P!nk... and Basil too.

It's Official. We're On The Same Page!

I woke Saturday morning invigorated and in the need of some serious fresh air and amazing UV rays. It was officially March Break in Muskoka, so naturally I knew I wanted to venture into the cottage.  

Two years ago I would not have spent a single summer night alone at the cottage. Yesterday I was willing to go in for the night alone and it's winter. What's the core difference between then and now? A couple of years ago I wouldn't venture anywhere without my husband; today that isn't the case.

I have spent more than half of my entire life with my husband. We started dating when we were 21, married at 23, had our first child at 25 and the twins were born when we were 27. He knows me better than anyone else and as a team we've made a very good life for ourselves. He knows I need structure; and after all these years, I think he may finally be understanding it (rather than just calling me a complete pain in the ass)!

  

Let’s face, with what we've accomplished we HAD to have structure. Three kids in diapers, two cats, one dog, a father that lived across the street and eventually in our home (not to mention a husband that played every sport imaginable and knew everyone in town). There HAD to be a plan. I suppose yesterday he figured because I didn’t have a plan in place, I wouldn’t really want to go. He was mistaken; that was then, this is now.

Catching some rays with my Guy. We had a blast!
Taken: March 9th, 2013

Moving on the fly, we let things unfold as they may, and had a great time. The cottage was warmer inside than out, and within 20 minutes we were unpacked and outside for a glorious day with the pups. 

You know what the most amazing thing was about yesterday? It's evident that we've evolved.

For various reasons the cottage had become my thing. He understands why; as a result, he knows that it's his responsibility, to try and catch up.

Even so... as we were loading the toboggan to start walking in, I gave him  a hug and a kiss and thanked him for joining me.

I verbalized “I know you really didn’t want to do this”  and for the first time in what feels like forever I felt he gave a heartfelt reply.

We are finally on the same page. Not because I got my way but because we communicated and spent the time the way we both wanted to. He bent and listened to the the radio station I liked. I unconditionally watched the movies he picked. Simple yet effective. As a result, a great time was had by all.

Honestly? Truth of the matter is that I wouldn't have ventured to the cottage without him. It just feels really great that he knew it was so important to me that he decided to come with. 

Seriously, what more could a girl ask for?

A Reflective Muskoka Monday

The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to burn & which to cross.

 ~ David Russell

With a hectic Monday behind me, I feel the business environment at work unexpectedly brisk for this early in the season. With the Bossman headed back to Florida this afternoon, we had scads to accomplish during his very short visit home this time around.

Why am I reflective? I love my job but I truly have had the pleasure of being a Consultant on a number of very successful teams over the past ten years. The work/contracts awarded came primarily by referral; which is why it’s always been a core business philosophy to never burn a bridge.

I may say it’s a core "philosophy" but I am sad to admit that I'm not perfect. I hate that my stupidity burnt one of my most important "bridges" ever. It happened in 2005.

Let me backup. Personally, there are bridges that I have burned that I am totally OK with.  (Actually, the only problem with some of those in particular was that the person wasn’t standing in the middle of freakin' thing when I torched the son of a gun!)

That said, my 2005 bridge was definitely not THAT kind of bridge. It was the foundation for a lifelong relationship that I completely obliterated; all these years later, my behaviour still harbours regret for me.

Two reasons for my post; I called him out of the blue today to ask how business was and to discuss the Lakes opening. He took my call. Secondly, I am posting because I wanted to apologize and move forward.

I am so very sorry for the phone call I made all those years ago that started with “I usually pride myself on taking a 24 hour cooling down period and I’m just not going to do that today!”

You really did deserve this long before today..

.

I have missed you. I've missed you since the moment I hung up the phone that fateful day.

You've deserved my apology many years ago but it is arriving today. I am so very sorry.

I know we can't go back. Let's go forward.

PS: To answer the question before it’s asked; he does not read my blog... 

We Go Together Like Peas & Carrots

Have you ever had one of those days when you felt totally alone and wondered if there was anyone out there in this vicious circle called life that you could call? Someone that you could say “I just need you to listen for a while" and they would? 

Not because they were being polite, but because you instantly knew by the sound of their voice they needed you? That person for me is my cousin Joanne.

Celebrating Joanne's BIG Day!
Taken: October 1994

Growing up I had 49 first cousins on my mother’s side. Yup. my Mom had seven sisters and four brothers. 

They were a tightly knit clan but my most vivid memory (of the sisters in particular) was that they lived to argue and fight.

That said, I am embarrassed to admit Jo's and my mom always won the prize. They could sit across from one another at a dining table, with their boxing gloves laced up, and everyone would think it was a normal dinner party. I’m not joking. In four descriptive words; IT GOT LOUD FAST!

As a result, growing up she and I never focused on the negative energy that constantly filled the air. From a very young age she (just like me) tried to look at her glass as half full. Surrounded by the dysfunction, our bond was always one of positive energy and support. How we pushed through that time has given us both amazing insight. Just like me, she believed it critical that the overall cycle stop.

Glass half full? When I think back at our childhood chemistry it was pretty amazing considering we lived our formative years 100 miles apart. Made no matter, we knew we were kindred from the start. 

She & Me?
Peas & Carrots!
Taken: Easter 1979

We'd write letters, exchanges photos, and eventually I lived my summers with her and figure skated in North Bay. We were inseparable. We were perfect together. Most of all we always had fun.

All these years later; we live in the same town, we married best friends, and we both have three children. Every morning we get out of bed, and we deal with the hand we've been dealt. 

I've had challenges she hasn't and vice versa but I still think of us right this instant as I did all those years ago; two really cool rock stars that could rule the world!

After texting last night, I just want to remind her that no matter what comes her way (in the next 10 minutes or the next 10 years) we are always strongest as a team.

That and OH... I love her very much.

Once Discovered. Never Forgotten.

When I walked out the door this morning my surroundings took my breath away. It was about 3C outside and I swear you could actually feel the snow melting in the air. Today was the brightest it's been here in months. I stopped part way up the driveway, took it all in, and snapped my pic. It felt amazing!

Can February March?
No... But April May!
Taken: February 28th, 2013

I'm a pretty simple chick; I'm not saying that I am uncomplicated (because I can overthink with the best of them) but I have a pretty straightforward approach to my everyday life.

If there's one thing I've learned to do in the last couple of years, it's to embrace the moment, no matter how insignificant it may be. If it's unique I stop and take it in. Euphorically speaking, that's how I felt this morning.

Winter for me happens in layers.

The darkness of the shorter days is just that, so I try to soak up as much of the weekend daylight outdoors.

The deep freeze days (which usually lasts just a couple of weeks) has me nesting indoors. Those couple of weeks have me prioritizing all the crap that I ignore, because I'm too busy being active out of doors, the rest of the season.

Then there's the crazy fun days that we're heading into now. My absolute favourite. Mild snow covered surroundings that are still pretty but have yet to turn the landscape ugly as the next season approaches. Snowshoeing, downhill skiing, or a simple bonfire on the weekend keeps me smiling.

Let's face it; I love every season in Muskoka. To quote my good friend, the late Robyn Scott: Once Discovered. Never Forgotten. 

Personally; the last number of years I had certainly stopped discovering, and I had definitely forgotten. With that part of my journey in the past, I am committed to never looking back.

I am never going to take even my smallest discoveries from granted, I am never going to forget the pain I have pushed through, and I am never going to let anyone tell me how I should live my life. If you make your core goal personal happiness shouldn't everything else seem effortless?

As silly as that sounds, snapping my pic this morning was effortless. With Mother Nature providing a breathtaking backdrop, it just felt right. Why? Because I am  glowing.

For the first time in my life I'm absolutely comfortable in my own skin... and it shows!

Only 53 More Sleeps & We'll Be There!

Yesterday I approved the final payment on the vacation home my sister and I rented (in South Carolina) for a much needed getaway. I know that she's always been an island hopper in the past, yet because of my commitments at work, I wasn't able to travel any sooner. In chatting last night, she offered to keep an open mind about our trip, which is pretty much all I can ask.

She came to town to celebrate my birthday. 
Because of our age difference & circumstance...
We really do have very few pictures together.
Taken: April 1984

With February virtually a thing of the past, I am pleased to report that (in all areas of my life) I'm in a really amazing place. 

That said, as our vacation draws near, I fear my sister is not in as amazing a place. 

Why?

She has made some big changes in her life lately. Though she knows I unconditionally support her, I still worry.

I know she'll be fine. I guess I may worry because I am an hour away and we lead extremely different lives. Similarities and/or differences, we've always been able to find our way to the guts of it all, which is that life is short!

We both have things in life we wish we would have handled differently, and we both have hope for the future. You have no idea how much I love that "we have hope". Truthfully, I have more  hope today than I ever expected. Right now, I'm like a kid in a candy store and I am loving life.By taking her on this trip, it's like I am sharing the Magic Carpet Ride I'm on.

Guess my personal goal is that by the time she arrives back home she loves the magic carpet I fly (regularly outta air traffic control at YYZ) as much as I do.

CHEERS to hope Peeps...Cheers to HOPE!

Come On Baby Light My Fire...

As most of you (that follow me on Facebook) know, I had a wee little bit of a bonfire in the backyard last night.

It takes some effort to get a great one built this time of year but you know me and perseverance; when I tell myself I am going to do something, try and stop me. Planning started when I woke up yesterday morning.

My first step was to let the fire in the airtight in the house die down. Mid-afternoon, I transferred those coals to the ash bucket, and headed out back. I proceeded to carefully locate the rock lined fire pit in the backyard and started to dig out a serious amount snow.

Once I hit rock I gathered my supplies and began to build. Hot coals, varying types of paper, kindling, bark, small dry wood then the "great stuff". It's that last secret ingredient that produces my personally patented marshmallow coals about four hours later. 

Seriously, a stellar bonfire is like building a sandwich; everything's got a specific place both for visual effect, and overall experience. 

Pretty cool sandwich metaphor eh? It's much easier referencing my passion to sandwich making, rather that what it very well may be. Certain bells and whistles tend to go off for most when one admits they’re a maniac.

Throw "PYRO" in front of the word and the police often tend to take a keen interest in your whereabouts on an ongoing basis!

What can I say? Everyone's a critic!

There really is a method to my madness of bonfire building.
I am dead serious when I say 'it's taken me years to hone my craft'!
TAKEN: February 23, 2013

Wish you could have joined me last night. Maybe another time? Lord knows there will be others!

Teaching Goob the "CRAFT"
Taken: March Break 2004

   

Ringing In the New Year
Taken: New Year's Eve 2006

One of my best ever!
Taken: Labour Day Weekend 2010

Enjoying a drink at the house with my friend Will...
Taken: April 2012

The last one of the BEST SUMMER SEASON EVER...
Taken: End of August 2012

She's One Smart Cookie!

So I was sitting in my boss’s office late yesterday afternoon when all of a sudden he realized that one of our busier clients had arrived with guests. Bossman immediately dismissed our meeting and left his office.

After a minute or two, it became apparent that he wasn’t returning anytime soon. What did I do? Naturally, I followed him to find out what all the fuss is about. What can I say? Fuss I did find!

As I walked onto the showroom floor I heard Gary announce “and this is Rhondi…” He then opened his arms, gave me a great big hug and a kiss on the cheek (as he always does) then introduced me to his guests. WOW. All I got was the gentleman's name, and when he grabbed my hand to shake it I melted. The unexpected connection was instant.

I read somewhere that if a man is interested in what a woman has to say; he'll make eye contact for at least eight seconds.

Let's just say that in the non "Joey Tribbiani sense", that rule of thumb time lapse passed, and we had each others attention.

He was American and he had an accent; let's face it, I’m a sucker for an accent but it was more than that. 

It was his personal confidence. 

He wasn’t cocky nor arrogant and he seemed extremely genuine. The kicker; he made me laugh. I don't care who you are. Make me really laugh and you're GOLDEN. Easy on the eyes takes you to PLATINUM! This designer unconditionally offered me both.

Come on, I'm playing... And I am anything but naive.

When it comes to dealing with people, I generally deal with 95% men and 5% women. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to bring something to the pump that I haven't either seen or heard before. Let's just say I have a very effective "this is my space, this is your space" personal boundary in place. For whatever reason, I can spot a player a mile away (as I joke about yesterday and wipe the drool from my chin)!

Why am I reflective? I think because it was a spur of the moment encounter on a particularly good hair day. Right there; I don't know why my opinion of myself rushed to the superficial.

I know for a fact that my "instant chemistry man" was impressed with my intelligence as well as my and sense of humour. How do I know? The dialogue shifted quickly away from the needs of his wealthy client. Not to mention the added bonus of Gary announcing "listen to Rhondi... she's one smart cookie!"

Glass half full? At least he didn't call me a "TART..."

Let's face it, if we listen to Marty on main street, Muskoka is World Famous for those too!

Have a great weekend everyone...

Does Anyone Else Have "Friend" Lanes?

I have been melancholy for a few weeks now. A little under the weather but never felt the need to discuss it because I figured it would pass. I’m not depressed or blue, just perhaps a tad disappointed. Looking closely at all of my lanes, there are only two people in my entire life that know exactly what the hell I mean.

Am I alone, or have any of you ever had “Friend" lanes? You know; friends that you slot into specific lanes so they never venture into certain areas of the rest of your life? 

Someone needs you to make them feel better, so you never share negativity. Someone you know have a similar marriage, so you share recipes. Someone's in the same line of work, so you always talk shop. All of the above are valuable friendships to me, they just tend to never become unconditional on every single level.

Right or wrong, when it comes to that area of my life, I’ve always held certain cards very close to my chest. In fact, the person I feel everyone knows, see me as rather one dimensional and genuinely  predicable. Very few truly know me. That’s just a fact.

I had a really great day. How about you?

My point? Today I did something kinda brave. I wasn't using cymbals or anything but it was brave just the same. 

Unexpectedly, a friend properly signaled asking permission to change their 'friend lane' & I let them.

I trust this person implicitly but we've always just shared the type of friendship that simply enjoyed the others sense of sarcasm and fun. You know the lane; they see all the good and never the bad. They get the laughter, the humour, the camaraderie  but never a single moment of bitching or negativity. 

To their credit; they'd been sensing something was wrong for quite a while, and today they finally opened our door. “Why were you upset?” they asked. After I refrained from answering they said “It's no big deal. Shit happens. Spill the beans. It can’t be a that bad…” Just like that they reached out;  I was not only shocked, I was touched.

Though we talked of many things out of the norm today, I never did share my true disappointment with them. Why? It's been my personal experience that if you dwell on something that's disappointing you, it just hangs around longer than you want it to. Kinda like an expensive ill fitting bra or an extremely bad hair colour episode.

That said, I am so glad I was brave today. I didn’t have to run as hard as I could in the opposite direction as my picture suggests; I just simply closed the book at my page marked “disappointment” and opened up YouTube.

My first search? Cymbal playing penguins and sleeping Polar Bears.

Because life is very short, and you can never get your proper fill of cymbal playing penguins :)

...EVER! 

A Family Day of Reflection

I spied a cartoon on Facebook this week. Two kids shuffling through the snow with a caption "Family Day”. The one boy starts by saying “Family Day, that’s a joke…” and the kid walking behind says something like “I know... My Dad’s out of town on business, and my mother doesn’t give a shit!”. It was really quite powerful. They were illustrated to look about ten or twelve years old.

Goob, Jukebox, Me & Sweetie....
In the backyard on Toronto Street.
(Photo Credit: DAD)
Taken: October 1995

When it comes to how we raised our children, I think we were somewhat unconventional. 

We did live together first, so we knew we were good in that department. But we never expected to transition into a family unit as quickly as we did. 

Because we were so young, we didn’t have a whole lot of life lessons under our belt to compare to, so we winged it.  

By choice we lived in a small bubble with very little outside influence for a lot of years. Tony worked days, I worked evenings (in  the non street walking sense), which lasted right up until the twins started school. 

I'd love to say we structured it that way because that's what we wanted but from the very start money was sparse. In the very first year of marriage, we chose to invest in a home. I remember being elated when we were given our first mortgage at 12.5%! 

My post isn’t meant to be somber rather it's reflective. As we celebrate today I have to wonder: how will this generation of children make it to the middle? Will owning their own home be out of reach? How will they ever be able to support a family? I think it's all possible yet I feel that I am a broken record in saying that the only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

Back to the cartoon. I don't think my children will ever have the opinion that I didn't give a shit. In fact, I am confident that their opinions will always be the polar opposite. They will have wished I didn't have such an incessant need for structure and control. In fact, I am sure they feel that had I minded my own business (you know... by not keeping the rift raft away, nor the partying at bay) they would ALL have been far better off. 

Which in turn provides the reality at hand; I don't know anything. Truth be known? I'm okay with that. Let's face it. Did any of us realize that Mother's knew anything about life in general before we turned 30? 

I know I didn't.

Happy Family Day All!

What Do YOU Expect?

Have you ever wondered if the biggest disappointment in day to day life is expectation? 

Not only the expectation you have for yourself; but for those you love, as well as those that you surround yourself with. I realize that’s an extremely slippery slope, yet it’s the question I am left with this morning.

After a very successful morning at work (and very enjoyable afternoon off) for all intense purposes, I didn’t arrive home to what I expected. I’ll take that one step further and say, in finding what I did yesterday; I’m not sure what I should expect in the future. 

Sad really, because not only do I know what I want to have happen but I know what I need to have happen. That said, using the last couple of years as a measuring stick, I’m not sure either will. 

I’m anything but naive. I absolutely and unequivocally know the difference between "want" and "need". I learned that particular life lesson at a very young age. It was one of the core philosophies I was raised by. That’s not a criticism it’s a compliment. My parents raised me the best they could with the resources they had. I guess I have just been blessed to have more all around resources than they did. Naturally,  I automatically expected better results.

Where did I go wrong? Because my business grew so big so fast, I had Jenn and later Kath cater to my children. The harsh reality was that I was busy making hay while the sun shone. As a direct result, through their formative teen years, there may have been more sparing of the rod and spoiling of the child happening than should have for their own good. This was when the cracks began to surface.

Taken the day the Singleton Brothers hired me from Calgary.
They asked to match a face to a voice and so I emailed this pic.
Taken: July 8th, 2005

Truth of the matter is that I worked seven days a week for almost seven years.

If I wasn’t on a plane to Calgary or Halifax, I was in the Downtown GTA or over in Haliburton. 

I'll admit that I have learned firsthand that the laws of supply and demand can be excruciating as well as financially rewarding. 

I guess I just recognize now, that perhaps my priorities were out of focus, and monetary reward replaced a certain nurturing I had been given growing up in the 1970’s. 

As I enter the next phase of my life, I have to ask myself what I would have done differently in the last ten years? My list is long. For instance, I would have stayed away from the lime green and black print fashion combo I rocked back in 2005, when Barry and Brian hired me from Calgary. 

Seriously, I've had to ask myself this morning, what did you expect? Fashion choices aside, I know one thing's for sure. If I knew then what I know now; there would have been a very different result yesterday when I finally arrived at home!

Oh well... Onward and upward is the only direction I can go.

My Mom Will Always Be My Valentine

Valentine’s Day has never been something I've looked forward to nor been very fond of. When I was young, I was lucky to give out the cute little boxed cards like everyone else did. Never dated in high school; so for obvious reason, there wasn't any gift giving/surprise kisses ever sent my way. 

By February 14^th, 1987 I did have a very serious suitor. It was the first time this specific holiday had rolled around for my husband and I, but these 26 years later that’s not why it's a memorable day. It's most memorable for both of us, because it's the day my mother died.

The last photo ever taken of my parents together.
Taken: June 1985

It’s always a sad day when a life ends. As we know, it's always hardest on the ones they leave behind. Even decades later, it's still a difficult day for me.

I can't begin to explain how she suffered. Having nursed her to her death; I remember looking at her in her bed, my eyes filled with tears, thanking God that she was finally at peace. 

To say the least, she was very brave. She was only 57 when her journey ended.

The photo I am posting was the last taken and the one that sat atop her casket. As my father moved on with his life, he entrusted it to me, and I still have it.

For what it's worth; when I wake up tomorrow I will thank God I am healthy, and I'll greet the new day. I will say a prayer for all looking for love, as well as a prayer for all of those that have found love. I will wear my favourite colour red, and I will also wear a cherished heart shaped pendant. 

The pendant was my mothers and I only wear once a year. I wear it to mark the day. Each and every year I place it over my heart for a very specific reason; as somber as it may sound, after all these years it helps me remember. It's also personally symbolic of what I know to true. 

... that she will always Be My Valentine.