Friday, August 30, 2013

Call The Cops!

Once again, I arrived home this evening to complete curiosity as my husband yelled “CALL THE COPS!” He sounded convincing as he continued with “...there’s a head in the living room, but they've yet to locate the rest of the body!!”  As he grinned from ear to ear, I knew it was a scene to be seen.

Let's just say it would NOT take Sherlock Holmes to solve this crime. Hell, as stupid as the Holmes in Homes guy is on HGTV, he’d have ‘er solved without even having an exact description of the criminal at large. YUP: the mighty Puddin’ struck again!

You must think we’re total idiots here but I can assure you we are not. We strive to keep our home 'Puddin’ proof' but she just keeps getting the best of us. Seriously, dogs are not supposed to be able to open closet doors (nor large sealed Tupperware totes) but she does. 

Today casualties? Staci’s hair mannequins. I can visualize her running around the house for the entire day, baiting Dot to join in on the fun. I have no idea how she seeks out this shit; she chewed off the corner of the tote lid until she could pull that sucker off. I'm sure she was doing nothing less than an end zone dance 'cause she definitely hit the motherload.

I wouldn't believe half the crap she does if I didn't
see the evidence with my own eyes!
Taken: August 2013
What can I say other than it is what it is.

My sister was amazed at how she got the peanut butter jar out of the pantry in South Carolina, so tonight the picture I am posting is for her. 

Why? Because I wanted to let her know that it happened again! 

Last week Goob left the unopened jar on the counter and this is what I arrived home to. She tried for three days to get to the bottom of the jar.

Figured the least I could do was make her suffer, because I knew her tongue would never reach its desired destination!

As she sleeps at my feet, I am convinced that in all these antics she’s not acting alone.

My husband adamantly disagrees, and refuses to entertain anything other than Puddin’ is evil. I guess he has a point.

Out of fairness, Dot shall remain innocent until proven guilty. Yet, there’s one thing I know for sure...

I’m getting me a stinkin' Nanny Cam!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

It's Jamaica Mon!

It is officially official! We are heading back to Jamaica. Wanna know the best part? Our plane is scheduled to land 15 minutes ahead of our American friends we are travelling with. All I could process this afternoon was that this trip was meant to be...

I have mixed emotions about returning to the island. Tony and I knew we'd eventually return, but I never imagined it would happen this fast. We'd discussed other destinations: yet, the only travel prerequisite my husband had, was that we take a trip on our own. I understand why but I truly struggled with leaving the dogs.  They really have become an extension of us as a couple.

Dog whispering aside, I need a break. The hardest part for me to comprehend? That my break will be like 154 million sleeps away. I know I'll have time at Christmas but it’s not the same. I guess deep down inside, that was the real choice; forfeit the house on the ocean for two weeks at Christmas, and enjoy one week in the Caribbean in the winter.

Why do I fret so much about the logistics? It’s NOT because everything old is new again, it's not. I think it's part and parcel because we are going to spend (what I consider to be) an obscene amount of savings to offer me the ability to read and read and read.

Shoes are NOT allowed in Jamaica!
Riu Tropical Palace
Negril, Jamaica
Taken: March 3rh, 2012
It's no joke. When we travel, Tony completely morphs into the extrovert and me the introvert. He tends to go go go until he drops, and I am just totally comfortable to relax and watch. 

Just like me normally, he talks to anyone & everyone. Myself? I admit I am more selective about idle chit chat: probably because I am not being paid to do it.

Seriously? Why does the God’s honest truth always make me sound like such a total BITCH? Guess if the shoe fits?!?!

HA! It’s Jamaica Mon.  For one week next winter... I won’t be wearing any!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

TAP TAP TAP... Is This Thing On?

What makes someone who they are? Is it primarily behaviours that are taught?  Sheer genetics? Or is it as simple as ongoing self-discovery, that genuinely morphs a person until the day they die?
No doubt a tad deep for a Tuesday eve, but I woke up in the middle of the night last night asking myself those very questions. Relax; there were no tears from woes, just a really bad hot flash that had me sitting at my desk at 3am looking at photos. I looked at photos for at least an hour. My body was completely exhausted; my mind full of imagination, creativity, and reflection. So much has changed for me.

Change or not, I can’t believe this weekend is Labour Day and the summer is over. There was so much I wanted to accomplish, and my list of things to do is still far too long. I didn’t swim nor read as much as I had hoped, but the crappy weather did move me indoors where I started dancing again. I had forgotten just how much I had missed it, not to mention how strongly my inner balance is ingrained with it.

I’m not sure why I stopped. I haven’t really danced since I choreographed Guys and Dolls in 2003. I have always hacked about, entertaining the HENS, but I'd never gotten back into the routine of conditioning myself, or setting the proper time aside to do so.

Suppose the shitty weather this summer offered me the opportunity (as well as the time) to reignited my inner passion.

As I get ready to run a tub and jump into bed I reflect...

Have you ever noticed that when you’re looking for something that you've lost, you always find it in the very last place you look?

I guess that’s because once you've found it, you inevitably stop looking.

That said, I know I'll never stop again. Not because I am lost, but because I am truly grateful. I am bold faced ecstatic. I am happy! AND, I officially have really great gams to accompany both my disposition, as well as my smile!

Thanks for listening... Seacrest OUT!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Back Off Blockhead!

Yesterday I stayed late at work because my mid-afternoon appointment was running behind. I was already cranky because I had officially rolled a twelve hour day, but the truth of the matter is that it was an important meeting for me. The builder, homeowner, and architect, all arrived together; and let me start by saying there was no way I could have prepared myself for what happened next.

Builder shakes my hand and cordially introduces me to his very wealthy client. Client smiles, shakes my hand, and announces he’s pleased to meet me. Architect walks toward me, says his name and shakes my hand. He then instantly announces “Come here you….” Without hesitation, he wraps his arms around me, and gives me a kiss on the lips. He turns to his customer and says “It's okay, Rhondi and I go way back.” I had never met this total nimrod until the moment he slithered in. 

Instantly, images of Lucy VanPelt rushed to the forefront of my mind. Just like Lucy, all I wanted to do was shout at the top of my lungs “Auuuuugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get some hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine! Instead I froze in disbelief. I literally had to lift my my hand to close mouth that was frozen open.

Incase you're wondering...
I'm the one with the eyes wigging outta my head!
Just so we're clear, just because I brush my teeth and comb my hair does not give anyone license to enter my personal space bubble.

My personal space is exactly that, MINE. It truly has a real estate premium attached, AND it is (for lack of a better saying) a gosh for saken elite gated community. 

Glass half full? I never have to see this person again. From here on in the builder is running the show, and he and I are strictly on a "handshake only" basis. That said, if that dude ever walks into my place of work again, I know my voice will roar.

Which will be followed immediately by one very important question to my Bossman.... "What do you mean I don't get any severance pay? "

Monday, August 19, 2013

Happy Discovery Day Smartie

Smartie's Discovery Bay Campsite
Not to be confused with Discovery DAY. Which is a holiday throughout the Yukon today.
Glad I found that little ditty out in the wee hours of this morning!
Taken: June 9th, 2013

When enjoying cottage life, my phone is rarely by my side. The God's honest chance of getting something other than my voicemail on the weekend is slim to none at best. As a result, I haven't talked to Smartie (except via voicemail) in almost three weeks. 

Last night, well past 11pm, I was rattled awake by my cell phone ringing in my ear. Though I never take my phone to bed with me, at bedtime I made a point of setting it atop the headboard. Why? Let's just say I was hopeful I would be getting a call. 

Turns out I fell asleep watching a movie Saturday night; then I realized Sunday morn, that I had two missed calls. When I reversed looked up the number, I knew the calls were coming from a landline in Merritt BC. That's when I realized that Smartie was at his friend Monique's. Like the BFF he truly is, for the third weekend in a row, he tried to call me yet again. Knowing he'd be heading back to the Yukon yesterday afternoon, last night I patiently waited for his call.

Boy was I sleeping soundly when my phone woke me. I flipped on the light and headed down to the kitchen in an effort to wake myself up. After almost an hour on the phone he announced that he should let me get back to bed. At that point I was wide awake. When our call was about to end, last thing I said was "I love you... I'll call you at the office tomorrow".

"Call me at the house" he said. "Tomorrow is Discovery Day in the Yukon. It's a civic holiday here" he continued.

Hmmm, he had a holiday today yet got me out of bed and kept me on the phone until after midnight. All I could do was burst into laughter. That last bit of dialogue has to be the epitome of a Mars/Venus moment. It turns out it made no matter. Back to bed I went, and I was sound asleep in no time.

Happy Discovery Day Brian. Just to prove I pay attention when you send me stuff, I posted the Discovery Bay camping pic you emailed me from your trip in June. Your photo is absolutely amazing; I know (because we've already chatted) that your day was too.

As an aside? Seriously, how cold up is it up there at the end of September? Never mind. Don't tell me, or I'll change my mind about making the trek!

Will I need a winter coat and snow pants?

DRAT... I freakin' knew it!!

Friday, August 16, 2013

Trust Me... It Could Be Worse!

Work went completely off the rails. This week we let someone on our team go. Though it was very much an Adios Amigo moment for me,  getting even more shit piled on my coat tail from a 90 day probationary white elephant, was the last thing I needed to have happen.

I have said it before, and I will say it again, I have a pretty sweet job. I speak to tons of people in a week, and (aside from the two or three annually that I wish would burn in hell) 99.9% of them make me smile. Warm and fuzziness aside, pushing through sometimes seems impossible. Today was one of those 'Muskoka summer' days.

In retrospect, I've been emailing back and forth with a colleague all week, and it appears he's generally as tired as I am. He has very small children, is active in coaching minor sports, and has a high pressure job. I honestly have a lot of respect for him. He has a brilliant mind, and an astute business sense; when I think I am having a bad day, I think of him.

I've always said "I'm a hugger!"
If I were living his life instead of mine, I know that every night I would be wearing a dinner jacket.

You know the one...

It's white, with long sleeves, that makes me hug myself really really tight.

Oh, and let's not forget the really cute wrap around belt that comes with ...VERY SEXY!

Seriously, no matter how bad a day I’ve had, I am grateful that I don’t have to arrive home to a boat load of youngins and a list of things to do that's longer than a one armed paper hanger.

Instead, I feel blessed to land home to a canoe full of adults. A very handsome brood that refuses to put a single plate in the dishwasher.

DO NOT get me started!! My volume may wake children that are falling asleep all the way across town. After the week we've had, my colleague deserves better.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

9 Very Simple Rules

My daughter started her second job this past Sunday morning, so my husband and I were tasked with moving her things and staging her new digs. I’m not complaining. We really enjoyed doing it.

Seriously, what parent doesn’t want their grown child safe, and living in comfort? Let me rephrase: what parent doesn't want their grown child safe, living in comfort, at an address that differs from their own? KIDDING!

I lived my teen years very differently from how my children have. My parents were older, so it was always a struggle for them understand the ever increasing generation gap. I had a very strict (almost militant) upbringing, that God forbid included a strap. Like most families in that era, it was household staple. Let’s just say the memory of my last sentence isn't something I dwell on.

9 Very Simple Rules For Living on Your Own.

Taken: August 11th, 2013
Keeping that in mind, how many of you reading this post said to yourselves “when we have children we're going to do da-ta-da-ta differently?" 

We did, and we have.

Some of those epiphanies were completely batshit crazy wrong; and some have had such positive result they amaze us.

Anyway, to make my short story even longer, we bought our Sweetie a poster on Sunday.

We placed it on the wall at the foot of her bed, so when she greets her day, her thought process will be vivid and clear.

WE know she’s brilliant, but what can I say? A positive mind creates a positive energy.

Besides, (as the twenty something woman she is) who wants to be motivated by a crappy Facebook news feed when your personal space rocks a really great poster that doesn't require internet access?


Sunday, August 11, 2013

Good Will Hunting

So, we got Staci moved into her new place today. We came in from the cottage bright and early and with her bed strapped to the roof of the Explorer, we were off and running. I am pleased to report that it went like clockwork. Almost like we'd done it before?!

To help her out, I loaned her a flat screen TV I bought myself a couple of years ago. No big, but as we were staging her room, we realized she didn't have a small table or desk to place it on. Without hesitation I asked my man the obvious question, "wanna go Goodwill hunting?" Asking Tony to go to the Goodwill is like asking him if he wants to watch the Jays from behind home plate; makes him downright warm and fuzzy inside.

I discovered the Goodwill when the twins were babies. My sister in laws sister use to ship me baby clothes her boys had outgrown from Windsor via the bus. I remember Nancy asking me if I needed them. If I hadn't, her sister would have given everything to the Goodwill. I truly remember asking "what's a Goodwill?"

What can I say, with two mortgages and three in diapers, the Goodwill became a much needed and useful resource. I had always shopped at the Salvation Army Thrift Store, but discovering Goodwill was like heading to the big city for a really great shopping spree. Any brand label was always there for the taking, you just had to really take your time to inspect everything. To this day, a couple of times a year we make a day trip of it.

Nothing says Goodwill like the smell. I hate the smell but love the bargains! We found her a gem of a table right away (six bucks) and continued hunting. My mind's been pretty preoccupied as of late, but we still managed to have quite a few laughs.

What a find. Hook me up with Antiques Roadshow!
Taken: August 11, 2013
What can I say, there's nothing like a painted aluminum BEWARE OF HORNY DOG sign to make one bust a gut laughing.

If I hadn't of taken the picture, you probably wouldn't have believed me it existed. There she be. Bright yellow, in perfect condition, only 50 cents and available only at the Goodwill!

Even as I type, Tony is chirpin' me, "I don't care what you think. I still say we shoulda bought it!" Appears he felt it would be a great addition for the cottage.

Seriously? All these years in, if we bought everything at the Goodwill that Tony thought was a deal, I guarantee we'd qualify for a hoarding intervention.

Why? Because my husband likes to collect total crap that is cheap. That's why!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

She's On The Move ~ LOOK OUT!

There are five or six fridge magnets that have been in full view at our cottage since we bought the place in 1999. My very favourite reads... The only place where SUCCESS comes before WORK is in the dictionary. Today my daughter proved the purchase a worthwhile investment!

Here's the deal. Bright and early this morning (less than a week since starting her search) Staci began her very first full time job. It's located an hour south of here, and the plan is that she will couch surf in her new home. Couch surf until we move and unpack her belongings (while she attends orientation for her second part time job) this coming Sunday afternoon. 

It's hard to believe that this is the third time she's moved out in the last four years. Each time has offered her a new adventure. Each has added a chapter to her life that she'll always draw from. Not gonna lie, this time feels a little odd. There were no tears to be had, and this morning walking into her new place of employment she showed ZERO fear. Instead, just her trademark quiet confidence. A wonderful confidence that has blossomed out of her personal need to keep growing and keep moving forward.

I know better than most that it takes a significant moment in life to change an embedded thought process. Sometimes you might want to question a person's unexpected shift, in this instance we did not. We offered lots of support and openly explained that though we'd never see her go hungry, our paying for her adventure was not an option.

Chillin' (playing SkipBo) in South Carolina
Taken: April 29, 2013
Photo Cred: My SIS
What can I say? She dug in her heels, saved her money, and she showed us an unconditional determination I never knew she had.

She may not be the extrovert that I am, but she's definitely goal oriented & fiercely driven.

If I were you?


Monday, August 5, 2013

Red Leaves Already?

I had to work today but believe it or not that's not why I'm going to rant via my electronic soapbox this morn. When I climbed in the outdoor shower first thing, it was a balmy 8C outside. Very BRRRR if I do say so myself. Typically not the banner outdoor bathing weather I got use to this time last year.

Since constructing my l'il shower on the 2012 Canada Day weekend, I have always loved keeping it wide open and being one with nature. This last week it’s been so cold outside that I had to put up an extra shower curtain so that my teeth wouldn't chatter while lathering up.

Sub zero weather ='s Red Leaves in Muskoka!
Taken: August 5th, 2013
Even though it was crazy cold this morning, once in and warm, I separated the curtains to look out into the woods. Much to my dismay I spied a spot of red leaves. I literally asked myself the question out loud... "ya gotta be f*cking kidding me?!"

Red Leaves at the end of July gives me a sense that I’ll be wearing my snow pants and mittens by Thanksgiving. Our Canadian Thanksgiving that is, which makes my mood even worse!

I guess I missed the memo. The one that declared that the summer of 2013 would only be three weeks long. Had I been privy to said memo, I would have been much more tactical about how I would have enjoyed it. 

Let’s just say I am seriously disappointed in Mother Nature. Once again, she shows up and leaves us one disappointing mess. 

Red leaves disappointing that is.... BITCH!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Total Reflection All Around...

♫♪♫ Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun...
Please shine down on me... ♫♪♫
Taken: August 3rd, 2013

I was late for work this morning. Not because I slept in or I'm overtired, but because I couldn’t haul my ass out of the lake. 

There’s nothing like diving off a dock the morning after a really great storm. The air always has a feeling of relief about it. Kind of like Hell YA... We survived another one!

I must admit this morning was an especially pretty one. I could see the fish swimming along the shore and I know my favourite turtle wasn't far from site.  

For whatever reason, I only seem to catch a glimpse of it on romantic mornings like today.

I'm not quite sure why my imagination ran a muck this morning (perhaps because for the first time in forever I was alone with my thoughts). I couldn't help but be reflective. Maybe it's as simple as the raging storm last night and the calmness of this morning reminded me of my journey of self discovery.

I have had so many conversations with myself on this silly dock. In all the time I have spent here alone, I've had a million laughs and shed many a tear. I still  wish I could understand why I was chosen to take the specific journey I endured. I guess In hindsight I finally understand I wasn't lost per say, just aimlessly treading water in a place I wasn't meant to be.

Either way, this morning had me feeling gob snapin' fantastic. With all the bullshit of outside influence and differing opinions gone, it sure feels great to be home.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

What’s It Going To Be? SALT or SEX?

Holy salt lick Batman!
Taken: July 30th, 2013
Okay, this is really quite funny so I have to share. I should start by mentioning my husband has struggled with high blood pressure for longer than I can remember.

Last night, while we were waiting for David and his girlfriend to arrive for dinner, he decided to make himself a cocktail; a very yummy Caesar to be exact. When I glanced across the kitchen counter I was shocked to see the salt lick Tony had applied to his glass. Being the shy spouse I am, I quietly broached the subject.

"TONY... What don't you understand about staying away from salt with your high blood pressure?" As he looked at me like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar I continued; "DUDE! You're going to have a friggin' stroke!!!"

Joking around I grabbed the glass off the counter, picked up my phone, and headed out to the deck. "I'm gong to Blog about this" I announced.

After taking my photo I shuffled back into the cottage. He was laughing declaring that he had slipped with the lemon juice and that he never intended to put so much celery salt on the rim of the glass.

With a great big smile, I had one other announcement to make. "You realize that once your high blood pressure causes you to have a stoke, you're bedridden and wearing a drool bib, that celibacy is not even remotely an option for me right? I handed him his glass back and we both had a good laugh.

Even though our back and forth was all in good fun; sometimes, it's takes something monumental to change a persons thought process. In this instance, I am not sure if it was the drool bib or the threat of not having sex again that hit home. All I can say is that when his cocktail was finished he was proud that he had consumed only about 50% of the salt and left the remainder on the top of the empty glass.

Either way, we're moving in the right direction!