MY GARAGE BAND-AID

I am a firm believer that if I haven’t used something I have stored within the last 12 months that it needs to be regifted, recycled, or properly disposed of. With a formal caveat - it CAN NOT belong to one of the kids!

I'm serious. The above claim is written in ink and not pencil and I am pleased to report that for the last four or five years, the double car garage at the homestead has been filled with extra furniture and appliances belonging to the aforementioned offspring.

If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's your. If it doesn't, it never was.
TAKEN: BUSKING 2018, CUBA 2017, LAKE SIMCOE 2016

Most of it landed in there as a result of them returning home for a brief stint, eventually moving in with a roommate, accumulating items that were classified as over flow. Over the recent holiday break, everything was pulled out, sorted through and dealt with accordingly.

The goal was simple. To dig out and once again set up my killer home office that I’d strategically packed in there a little over 5 years ago.

In digging for that treasure, I came across an old drum kit belonging to Jukebox. For some reason, I just stared at it before I began moving it. Truth is I stood completely frozen as the last decade simply flashed before my eyes; the good, the bad and the ugly.

Which leads me to my point. Nothing prepares you for an empty nest.

I’m sure it’s because there’s no regulated handbook for parenting. By the time they're ready to graduate high school, they typically think we totally suck and our speaking voice is worse than nails on the proverbial chalkboard.

To be brutally honest, I think I went through the “I’m your mother” motions far longer than ever needed. I clung on for dear life until I was eventually replaced by their personal voice and understanding, proving mine no longer mattered.

In everything I have experienced on my journey, I feel this was the toughest mom lesson I learned. The worst part is that I’m so thick, I needed to learn it three times. All individual, very painful life lessons.

Anyway, sitting here typing, my mind is flooded with thoughts of my life these past 30 years. Which is why I will be always be forever grateful for my double car garage. 

It’s like I can close my eyes and I can hear their young voices bellowing again.

I can hear that high school garage band practicing, the giggling girls definitely talking about boys, with the picnic table front and centre and the music blaring.

Yep, just like that… They’re all instantly home again!

Where does the time go?

MY SUMMER OF OFFICIAL CHANGE

So much changed for us when this summer was over.
TAKEN: AUGUST 2007

The photo I am sharing popped up as a Facebook memory this past week with a heading that read: 9 Years Ago Today.

I am honest when I admit that in that moment, I fixated on my screen with a weird sense of disbelief. I didn’t share it that morn, rather just looked back at that particular Facebook photo album from that really great family day.

By the time I headed home, the humidex told me that I was going to bolt through town and sleep at the cottage for the night. It was so warm outside that I actually stayed on the dock until dusk. 

As I sat there with the pups, I could hear a gaggle of kids enjoying the new slide their parents had purchased at the start of this cottage season. I could hear the radio playing in the background and the one young lad singing confidently, just the way my children and their visiting friends use to. I immediately daydreamt about just how much I miss my kids coming out here and the year-round fun we’d had since buying the place in 1999.

In the midst of that moment, I took a picture of Annie lovingly listening to the kids playing. Her expression told me that she wished she could be across the lake playing too. So, when I got up this morning, I proceeded to edit the photo only to wonder when the last summer was the kids let me measure their annual height on the door jamb in the downstairs bedroom.

Imagine my surprise when the tallest height read “GOOB 2007”.  Smiling, I immediately ran my index finger to the bottom to find the very first entry. The smallest height reads ‘SWEETIE 2000”. As a matter a fact, she and Jukebox had less than 1” in height difference on that very first measure. The summer of 2007 wasn’t only the last time the measuring took place; it was the very last summer we spent vacation time as a whole family at the cottage.

With all 3 having summer jobs and me working most weekends with my business, I am realizing for the first time this week, that it was that summer in which they'd evolved and began their official transition. From that September, I traveled with them for sports, took them into the city for concerts with friends, but the family oriented times became fewer and farther between. The only constant we managed to keep was our ‘Sunday Suppers’ which only happened because I made it a house rule that everyone be home by 4pm each and every Sunday. 

You know what? As I wandered around the cottage in between typing breaks today, I realized that I have a large plaque on the wall outside the boys bedroom that is titled ‘Life’s Little Instructions’. It offers 53 points of worldly advice. It starts with sing in the shower and ends with #53 stating to call your Mother.

If there’s one thing I can be grateful for (almost 10 years later) it's that they all willingly embrace my phone number. Which is emotional to admit... 

Has not always been the case.

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

When a coworker asked me what I was looking most forward to about the holidays this year, I gave her a very honest answer. It's not the food and reactionary weight gain that automatically occurs, because lets face it, I was heavier than I like to be in August so an extra splash of gravy behind my ears made no matter. With our children grown and having their own busy lives/traditions, I've finally conditioned myself to that. Shopping? Nope. Because I do very little (and I gifted mine to myself on Boxing Day). I told her that was so looking forward to the lights that shine bright on the tree. 

Getting to watch the lights at night is only reason I even put a tree up this year. Since I was a kid, they've always mesmerized me with their beauty. When I came downstairs this morning, I was going to take the ‘holiday tree’ down, yet decided to enjoy the lights at night a smidgen longer. As you can see by the photo I am sharing, other than a star on top, there wasn't a single decoration on my tree this year, only lights.

Thank goodness my amazing poinsettia hides my lack of decorations!
THANKS CHRISTOPHER...
(TAKEN: DECEMBER 24th, 2015)

That’s because when I finally forced myself to put up the thing up a week and a half before the eve, I went to work the following morn and left the box of decorations on the  living room floor. 

Suffice is the say the dogs puked and shat their spirit all over the house, which had me not bother to finish the task. Didn’t matter to me though, because as I said, the lights are my very favourite thing.

As you know, 2015 has been a year of personal change for me. I guess that’s why I shouldn’t be remotely surprised that the holiday season unfolded in the same manner. As one of my very favourite Facebook friends headed down the east coast to celebrate the season, I honestly wished that I could have been a Thelma to her Louise. Even sitting here now, I know that I am going to work towards renting a beach house for two weeks and taking my dogs to the ocean for 2016 Festivus.

You see, as my girlfriend and I exchanged niceties Christmas morning, she posted this message. 'Merry Christmas Rhondi. All these years I've seen your winter trip pictures and wondered why. Now I get it. There's nothing like spending the entire morning walking on the beach wishing people Merry Christmas.'

I couldn't have said it better myself.... The only thing she's forgotten?

How pretty the Christmas lights are with the sound of the ocean as their background!

9 Very Simple Rules

My daughter started her second job this past Sunday morning, so my husband and I were tasked with moving her things and staging her new digs. I’m not complaining. We really enjoyed doing it.

Seriously, what parent doesn’t want their grown child safe, and living in comfort? Let me rephrase: what parent doesn't want their grown child safe, living in comfort, at an address that differs from their own? KIDDING!

I lived my teen years very differently from how my children have. My parents were older, so it was always a struggle for them understand the ever increasing generation gap. I had a very strict (almost militant) upbringing, that God forbid included a strap. Like most families in that era, it was household staple. Let’s just say the memory of my last sentence isn't something I dwell on.

9 Very Simple Rules For Living on Your Own.

Taken: August 11th, 2013

Keeping that in mind, how many of you reading this post said to yourselves “when we have children we're going to do da-ta-da-ta differently?" 

We did, and we have.

Some of those epiphanies were completely batshit crazy wrong; and some have had such positive result they amaze us.

Anyway, to make my short story even longer, we bought our Sweetie a poster on Sunday.

We placed it on the wall at the foot of her bed, so when she greets her day, her thought process will be vivid and clear.

WE know she’s brilliant, but what can I say? A positive mind creates a positive energy.

Besides, (as the twenty something woman she is) who wants to be motivated by a crappy Facebook news feed when your personal space rocks a really great poster that doesn't require internet access?

EXACTLY!

♪♫ ♪ Happy 21st Birthday You Two… ♫♪♫

I can’t believe it was 21 years ago tonight that I was lying in a hospital bed and my son Jamie was tugging at my arm saying “...come on Mommy, let’s just go home.” We’d prepared him for the fact that he was going to have a brother and sister, but it took the overnight separation (and two screaming newborns) to snap him into the reality at hand.

Yess-sir-ree! Twenty one years ago today our family was officially complete.

They arrived  two minutes apart. In a flash, two seven pound babies landed into my/our arms filling both our lives and our hearts. I hate to keep playing the time card, but where the hell did it go?

Where do I start? From the day they were born they were a team. One would cry, they'd both get fed. The other cranky, they'd both be amused. I swear from the minute they were born they had this cosmic plan. Silly or not after all these years, that early genetic chemistry is still very apparent today.

It’s eerily quiet night here tonight. It feels kind of weird. David and Tony are both working late and Thom took Staci out for a quiet dinner (because he knew that she was home alone with me). Yup, gone are the days of balloons and birthday cakes, not to mention hall rentals and kids puking from eating too many hot dogs. Too bad really... 

I am first to admit that I’ve led a sheltered life, but Staci & David birthday parties were always some very serious fun. Guess tonight is the end of an era. A day I never imagined would arrive.

NOT A CHANCE! I gotta pull all the stops out one last time this weekend. I know that they're 21 but I gotta have one last hurrah for Sweetie & Goob right? So the judge looks to the jury and Tony says... "ABSOLUTELY"!

Who says at 21 you're too old for a surprises? Happy Birthday you two. We love you very much.

Staci & Daviid's 18th Birthday - A good time was had by all.
Happy 21st Birthday. xoxoxoxo
Taken: June 5th 2010

T Is For... TOURIST

From the time I was a small child my parents puts a strong emphasis on a family vacation. Because my father worked maintaining large machinery, July summer shutdown was when we would always venture away.

Traditions are hard to break. My husband never traveled as a child so when I would share all the photos of the places I'd been he agreed that travel was something worth saving for.  Our own adventures started when the twins were ten months old.

So far this has been an amazing "girls" trip. I did cheat a little this morning. Blocked for a "T" word, I sent my first and only email since leaving home. After a couple of suggested words, I wished them a good day, then fired my  Blackberry back into the night stand drawer and started my day. 

April 23rd, 2013
Taken: This morning...

Feeling great, I proceeded to enjoy a quick shower, then Staci and I ventured out. With no particular destination in mind, we  landed on the Main Street in Cherry Grove to enjoy a morning walkabout. 

Just like the Gorbies that loiter outside of Marty's in Muskoka, Staccs and I jumped at the chance to pose out front of Miss. Vickie's.

As I loaded the pictures off my camera I conceded the harsh reality. I was officially that dreaded "T" word.

Tourist!

...Answers Are in Front Of You My Love

I read a Facebook status this week that had me doing a double take. It read “I wanna be my old self again…” and my heart sank. All I could do was close my eyes and take a deep breath. The status update belonged to my only daughter.

My Sweetie n' Me
Taken: July 2002

Staci and I have always been close. She’s a really great egg. She has always been a very hard worker and isn’t remotely mean spirited. Can her buttons be pushed? Absolutely but at the end of the day find me a woman's that can’t be! One of her most amazing qualities is that she's kind. She's kind, sincere and very trusting.

It’s been tough few months watching her transition to her next set of life choices. After she finished school last spring, I thought the sky was the limit for her. I figured she’d stay in the smaller city to the south and continue in the field she had graduated from. Instead, she insisted on moving back to Muskoka. To respect her choice, she was unconditionally moved home.

Let me start by saying when it comes to interacting with people, Staci isn’t me (and I know she just said “Thank God” out loud as she read that). I am an extrovert and she is an introvert. She has a core group of 50 friends and I have a core group of 2000 acquaintances. I can count my true friends on my hands (with no toes required) and she does the same with her acquaintances. What can I say, she's her father and her twin brother David is me.

No matter how I try to justify, it still bothers me to sit back and watch people take advantage. But let's face it, those types of people are everywhere in day to day life. Only Staci can weed out the good from the bad, which is probably why I really haven’t said anything. I'll admit, her return home has us living more like roommates. That said, she's an adult; and though we may live like ships passing in the night, I think it's time. Time to put our energy and love together and get her back to her old self again.

How will that happen? By helping her sort out exactly where she wants to be and how she wants to get there. Matter a fact, I think she and I should start by making a list. I think we best finalize her list in front of the pool and walking along the beach in South Carolina over Christmas. 

That way, she can ring in the 2013 with a tan and a solid mission. Because let me tell ya, when it comes to this gal, the sky's the limit! 

I love you my Sweetie...

So Close and Yet So Far....

I remember the first summer I was away from home. I was living thirty miles south in an apartment with a guardian and four other figure skaters. I called home in the first week; I was physically exhausted, very lonely, and I remember it was a Thursday evening. I was crying. I asked for my dad. Without hesitation my mother yelled telling me to “stop it immediately and pull myself together”. To this day, it's been the most memorable life lesson about personal survival I have ever had. I was twelve.

Before David left last night we had an hour long heart to heart. It was genuine for both of us and (I feel) we were honest and sincere.  We spoke about how he was left in the city and assumptions were made about the situation he'd been placed in. Let’s just say, incorrect assumptions (on my part) were made. Yesterday the record was set straight.

I have always pushed my children. I have unconditionally supported them, and I have also stepped back so they could appreciate the dedication it takes to be successful. As discussed for the first time this weekend, nothing prepares a child to leave the nest. This weekend solidified that it’s not only my journey that has been difficult, so has theirs.

As a mother, it’s hard to admit that I've made some serious parenting mistakes, but I have. All three of my children are unique and as a result never a way to treat them perfectly equal.  It may not have always been equal but it's always been fair. That said, I am very respectful of the choices and the decisions they’ve made. Only time will tell them their true stories.

Just because you can't see me... Doesn't mean I'm not here.

As I sit at my desk this afternoon I am feeling a little like my pup in the picture. 

My children may think when they struggled the hardest I wasn’t there for them but that’s not true. I've never been out of earshot, my heart racing, a safe distance away. 

When it comes to David, I am glad he understands that I'll always be there for him.

All I can hope is that I will eventually be invited down the stairs. I have to think I will be but if I’m not at least now I will understand why.

Gonna Love the Next Two Weeks in Muskoka!

David arrived home today for a two week vacation. 

I've mentioned that he was just recently promoted, which in turn produced reservations about him taking this break from the city. Of course, as his mother, I offered to be his voice of reason. 

Out of the gate, I knew I had to choose my words carefully. After much consideration I went with “DUDE, they’re closing the restaurant for the last two weeks of August... Pack your shit and get the hell home!!!”  He agreed to my approach and voila he arrived today.

   

I absolutely love that he’s home. 

I can’t wait to watch him decompress and lose this newly inherited sense of intensity he's acquired. He honestly has a work ethic any parent would be proud of, yet when we were together as a family a couple of weeks ago, I was worried he was burning himself out.

His life here (as he knows it) has changed; his room is no longer his, there is a really uncoordinated puppy that will drive him bonkers, and his circles of friends have shifted in the last year.

Since Christmas he’s known he has no desire to return to Muskoka, problem is some of his childhood friends have no desire to leave. Guess it a simple question of ‘where does a bird and fish live?’ I've tried to explain it’s all about moving forward and growing as a person but I’m sure I sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher. Lord knows I make no sense to the lad 99% of the time!

Makes no matter; I’m glad he’s here because it’ll give me something to do. I’ll enjoy the guys coming and going from the house, all the while knowing that Orilla Lake is going to be put to good use.

His break comes at perfect time. Let’s hope he gets perfect weather. He’s earned it.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...

As promised, I took advantage of my Chiropractor working Saturday and as an added bonus, I got to witness my son David in action at the restaurant he's working at in downtown Toronto called  Actinolite.

David and I try and get together at least once a month. That said, I know since our last visit he's been struggling  with the very long hours and lack of sleep, so I worry. Not going to lie, the first thing I noticed? As suspected, he’s underweight (almost gaunt) and he looked exhausted.

We were very excited to see each other. He gave me several great big hugs, called me Mommy (which will never gets old), and he introduced me to his team as "Big Hair Mama Bear" which is par for the course.

The difference this visit was how there was no subtle change only evident maturity. After sharing his desire to work in Italy, he kept his composure as he quietly whispered in my ear, “it's okay mommy, please stop crying”, that's when it hit me. He's become a man, a good man.

As I headed home, I confided in a friend that my heart was heavy and my eyes were damp. I was explaining how seeing David makes me miss him even more. In turn, he sent me this picture of a loon mother and her chick that he’d taken at his cottage on Georgian Bay last summer. 

His photo was accompanied by the following note. “Taken early one morning I thought of you and David.” His next comment was what truly struck home.

“It’s perfect as that it was taken a year ago” he continued. “By now, that loon chick has long left the side of his mother but will always know how to find her when he needs her.”

My eyes filled with tears as I typed my heartfelt and instant response of thank you… His photo and his very well chosen words put my weekend into proper perspective,  which is that I am a very lucky lady.

(Here's a link for the restaurant where David works as reviewed in Toronto Life Magazine.) 

http://www.torontolife.com/daily/daily-dish/opening-daily-dish/2012/04/04/introducing-actinolite/