COURAGE FLAG RAISED

 I woke this morning to a calendar alert from my phone simply labelled JS sentencing. Originally set for this day is September, it had be postponed two months until today.

As you know, I don't mention is name here but it is hoped that his sentencing today offers #JusticeForAshley. My beautiful coworker he murdered in January 2023.

I tried to log into the courtroom hearing this morning, only to discover that his sentencing would not be issued virtually. In turn, I have been checking Collingwood Today, every fifteen minutes, in hopes of finally hearing his fate. 

At about 2:45pm, reporter Erika Engel reported the following. Another milestone for Ashley.

This is her article, and photo credit and (c) belong to her. 

Courage flag raised in Collingwood while sentencing begins for local man who murdered wife.

Photo credit and (c) to Erika Engel of Collingwood Today

'The courage of a woman alone is not enough,' says executive director of My Friend's House during flag raising.

As a purple flag emblazoned with the word "Courage" was hoisted up a flag pole in Collingwood to mark Nov. 25 as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, friends and family members of a woman who was killed by her husband in Collingwood read out victim impact statements in a Barrie courthouse during the sentencing trial for the convicted killer. 

"The courage of a woman alone is not enough," said Alison FitzGerald, the executive director for My Friend's House, Collingwood's women and children's shelter. "It does take a community to make a difference in the lives of abused women and children." 

Members of Collingwood council helped My Friend's House staff raise the flag in front of the library this afternoon. 

FitzGerald reflected after the flag raising on the sentencing trial happening simultaneously. 

"I think it's pretty significant that James Schwalm is being sentenced today, because it's a story where, on the surface and in the community, he seemed like a good guy and nobody really knew what was happening behind the scenes," said FitzGerald in an interview with Collingwood Today. 

Schwalm has pleaded guilty to murdering his wife, Ashley Schwalm, 40, in their home while their children were asleep overnight between Jan. 25 and 26. As the case been before the courts, details have emerged about their relationship heading toward divorce. 

Schwalm strangled his wife, then dressed her body in hiking gear, drove her in her car to a mountain road and crashed it into a ditch before setting fire to it. He fabricated text messages and security footage to cover up the murder. 

The couple lived in Collingwood at the time. He was a captain on a GTA fire department when he killed his wife. 

His sentencing trial continues this afternoon in Barrie. 

"So many people were shocked to hear about the abuse in that relationship ending in murder," said FitzGerald. 

"One of the important things about women's shelters and why they were created was the fact that when women are considering leaving, they are at the greatest risk of being murdered," said FitzGerald. "I think the case of James Schwalm sort of demonstrates that, and that's why shelters exist today and why it's so important that the community supports us to keep our doors open for years to come." 

My Friend's House fields about 4,000 calls per year from women and children in crisis. The phone is answered day and night, and the shelter's 12-14 beds are always full. 

FitzGerald said she doesn't want that to deter anyone from seeking help, as the My Friend's House team will always make it work if a woman and her children need emergency shelter. 

"We want women to keep calling," she said. 

Over the last three decades, FitzGerald has seen some changes in the Collingwood community when it comes to the work of My Friend's House. 

"I'm seeing an increased understanding of violence against women and the importance of making sure that women are supported and children are supported," said FitzGerald. "People don't walk away from me anymore, they say, 'oh, what great work you are doing.'" 

She said it's always a lot of work to raise the funds needed to operate My Friend's House services each year, and noted there are many charities in Collingwood doing great work and competing for the donations that Collingwood and area residents are giving. 

And though the day's flag raising was well-supported and marked the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, FitzGerald said the work of My Friend's House goes on, and will for a long time. 

"The rates of violence against women aren't changing, and I have a sense that they're actually worsening," said FitzGerald. "We're starting to hear about youth relationships ending in murder as well. So the issue isn't going away. My Friend's House is not going to go away anytime soon." 

If you'd like to support My Friend's House with a donation this year, you can do so through their website myfriendshouse.ca.

HER LAST HURRAH

The truth of the matter is I knew when I made the decision to take Annie up the hill at the cottage on September 3rd, she would never come back down. 

I suppose that’s why I took the photos I am sharing above. My 'spidey sense' told me the summer of 2024 would be her last hurrah at Orillia Lake.

Not able to do the stairs, you can see from the one the left that she was exhausted taking the ATV trail. You can spy Miya in the top corner, rubbernecking, wondering why she wasn't leading.

On the right, you can see the saliva accumulation I’ve mentioned previously. That said, I was grateful to snap the Oreo Gang in their familiar formation one last time. My girl was struggling to hold her head and tail high. I knew when I took the picture that our journey as a pack was definitely shifting.

Her decline was reminiscent of what our Dottie went through, so I felt I understood what was on our horizon. I guess my shock and grief are compounded immensely because I had no clue, she would be dead 48 hours later.

Well, today would have been her birthday. As a tribute to her, I updated my cover photo on social media.  It hadn’t previously changed in more than two years.

Gone is the tribute of Puddin’ jumping off the dock (posted the day she passed in June 2022). 

Posted now, is the photo below that I a took of the Oreo Gang almost a year ago. I suspect it will remain in place for a very long time. 

...Because it simply warms my whole heart.

Happy Birthday my Annie. Your Mama sure misses you xo

A great picture of the Oreo Gang in formation,
watching the squirrels.
TAKEN: NOVEMBER 19th, 2023

PROCESSING PUPPY LOVE

Annie arrived back at the cottage
Thursday September 19th. 
TAKEN: SEPTEMBER 21st, 2024

As I sit and stare at my screen of the photo I snapped of my two beautiful girls, together again, I just can't seem to find the words. I still haven't fully processed that my amazing Annie left us so soon. 

Who knew when I took her up the hill at the cottage to see Dr. Robyn on September 3rd, that she would be gone two days later.

The only thing that is helping my heart start to heal, is that her suffering was short lived. And, that I wasn't unreasonable in making the swift decision to let her go. Doing it while she was already sedated for her throat scope was the best choice that I could have made for her.

To compound my lingering emotions, last Thursday when I went to pick her up and brought her down the hill to spend the rest of the season with me at the cottage, I was teary eyed to find sympathy card signed by everyone at the Trillium Lakes Animal Hospital. 

"Annie was such a wonderful girl," Dr. Robyn wrote. "I am so sorry we couldn't do more for her." ...Her and me both.

When you have a strong bond with an animal, it feels like a part of you leaves with them when they leave you. This loss, has been by far the most difficult pet loss to process. She went everywhere with me, and was never more than a couple of feet from me at all times. 

As I continually reflect, our Puddin' lived comfortably with cancer for a couple of years. Annie lived uncomfortably for a week. Though I was extremely heart broken when Puddin' parted, I was given time to accept her fate was looming. 

Along with the shock of all of this, it has also impacted what remains of version two of the Oreo Gang. Though they seem to have finally settled into there own as a pack of two these last couple of weeks, they definitely looked for Annie at length.

Anyway, as we move forward with an energetic 3 year old black lab with an old soul,  and super speedy hyper-manic 20 month old yellow lab, version three of the Oreo Gang's definitely something that won't be entertained for a couple of years.

Oh, don't get me wrong, fearing the worst I called our wonderful breeder the day I brought Annie up the hill and her advice definitely resonated. "If you get another one right away", she cautioned. "They will all be passing along at the same time."

...And I simply don't think my heart could ever take a gigantic impact like that.

REST EASY MY ANNIE

As clear as day, I remember the exact moment we found our beautiful Annie. I was sitting on the balcony watching the sunset in a resort in La Romana, when I received a Facebook alert for puppies for sale.

Once back in Muskoka, we discovered that she was only five weeks old and too young to leave her mama. The owner was adamant, “we have to get them out of here, they are keeping us up at night.” My husband immediately scooped her up; and got her the hell out of dodge.

The price for her freedom? A mere $40.00. To this day, it has been the best forty bucks we have ever spent!

Anyway, once we got her home, we discovered that she was starving. She was unable to lap nor eat soften food properly, so we stayed up with her round the clock. In those first 36 hours, I swear she knew we’d saved her life. I also believe she knew she had stolen our hearts.

Well, it was a world wind week that started with a slight head tilt and some drooling, which is why I booked her in to see Dr. Robyn. 

Though she could find nothing conclusive, we decided to try a round of anti-inflammatory medication for a sore neck. Reacting physically after her second dose, she endured the long weekend in steady decline. 

I returned panicked the following Tuesday, which had us progress to full blood work (that was also inconclusive). Returning to the vet Wednesday, we decided to try anti-nausea medicine with no result. 

Then, Annie's inability to eat to eat or drink led us to do a sedated throat scope Thursday afternoon in search of a blockage. While she was under, we made the difficult decision to euthanize her.  

You see, the reason she was no longer eating or drinking was because the vet felt she no longer knew how to. Her extremely aggressive brain tumor had stolen her from us in a mere seven days.

Though I know we made the right decision, it doesn't make the pain any less bearable. Truth is I am somewhat lost, definitely distraught, and my heart aches to the point where I am still having trouble sleeping.

I guess I just have to keep telling myself, though her death ended her time with me, it will never change our strong bond and very special relationship. 

Take a load off, Annie. Rest and sleep easy my beautiful girl.

I loved you your entire life, and will love and cherish you for the rest of mine.

MY FAVOURITE COWBOY

My amazing cousin Denny doing what he loved most.
TAKEN: AUGUST 2013
Denny Ladouceur 1958- 2024

When I was young, vinyl records filled our home with music. By the late 60’s my mother was gifted a new technology for listening to music in the form of a small cassette tape recorder. 

As a child, I distinctly remember only three cassette tapes that ever accompanied it. 

A Johnny Cash ditty (Boy Named Sue), The Seekers (Come The Day – featuring Georgie Girl and Red Rubber Ball) and one that was clear blue and simply labelled Christmas Eve 1969; it was by far her most treasured.

You see, that simple cassette was a once in a lifetime recording done late on the afore mentioned eve. The lore has it that the fancy new contraption had been confiscated by the ‘older first cousins' and the lengthy recording was filled with their voices after we all returned from midnight church services.

True to his confident self, the loudest voice on that tape was my amazing cousin Denny. 

Sadly, his beautiful voice was silenced suddenly on July 7th, 2024. He was a mere 66 years of age.

Older than I, growing up he was closer with my older siblings. But, as life would have it, spending the time we did at my dad's camp when my kids were small, he was always around. Our connection just kept getting stronger as did my connection to his music.

Eventually I began hiring his band to play corporate team building retreats and holiday parties and they always brought the house down. A super talented musician that played bluegrass music unlike any other, passing on that passion to his boys. Especially, the unstoppable Deryn!

Rest and sleep easy Den. It goes without saying that you will always be my favourite cowboy. 

Be sure to say hello to everyone up there and let them know we are doing OK and thinking of them.

Until we meet again..... 

THROW AWAY THE KEY!

Image copyright belongs to @CAN_Femicide
(Canadian Femicide Observatory for Justice & Accountability)

This is the second time I have posted here about femicide hitting close personally, and for the second time, I wish I had named my electronic journal... 

"I Am NEVER Gonna Laugh About It!!"

In this second instance, I have been writing about Ashley here for the last year and a half. Readers and friends know just how much I have struggled with the shocking and brutal murder of my former coworker. 

Well, on June 21st, 2024, her accused plead guilty and will be sentenced (after victim impact statements are heard) September 24th, 2024.  

Since the moment the murderer entered a guilty plea, I have read and listened to every possible account of what unfurled in the courtroom the day he admitted to his violent crime. The article I am sharing below, is by far, what I feel provides the most detail and insight into the final day of her life. 

My biggest fear, is that by waiving his right to a pre-trail, and taking the plea bargain to a lesser charge, he will be out sooner than later. That said, that shit scumbag doesn't deserve any space in my mind that is easily devoted to her.

Because, let's face it, if there is one thing my beloved friend truly deserves, it is to rest in peace and forever sleep easy.

On a very personal note. I will always pray for her young children, as they are sadly living victims, that will never forget the very last night of their deceased mother's life.

___________________________________________________________

Firefighter admits to murdering wife in Collingwood home then staging elaborate, clumsy coverup outside one of Ontario's wealthiest private ski clubs.

Written by: Betsy Powell

Courts Reporter - Toronto Star

Betsy is a reporter with the crime, courts and justice team at the Star

 BARRIE A Brampton firefighter who masterminded his wife’s murder and attempted to conceal it by staging a fiery car crash in Ontario’s ski country left behind a trail of evidence for police to unravel.

Soon after he strangled Ashley Schwalm, 40, to death early last year in their Collingwood home — which they shared with their two young children — James Schwalm sent a series of texts to himself from her phone.

It was an attempt to convince police that she was still alive. In one, he asked her to fill up gas cans for a snowblower.

But she was already dead.

On Thursday, Schwalm, 40, pleaded not guilty to first-degree murder but guilty to second-degree murder, admitting in a Barrie courtroom that he killed his wife in their two-storey, three-bedroom home, dressed her in hiking clothes, put her lifeless body in the passenger seat of her Mitsubishi Outlander and drove to Alpine Ski Club on Arrowhead Road.

Schwalm had borrowed his mother’s car and “pre-positioned it” at the Craigleith Ski Club North Lodge parking lot to use as a getaway vehicle after staging the crash nearby.

Sometime before 6 a.m. on Jan. 26, 2023, he set the car on fire, then went home to enact his alibi.

“Ok I’m going to zip out I think the kids will be fine their sleeping,” he wrote in one text to himself from Ashley’s phone.

“Eww I left the gas cans in my car and it smells,” he wrote in another, again pretending to be her.

And later: “Oh, I have vertigo. I’m going to rush home.”

Soon, he walked their two young children to school, telling them their mother was out on a hike.

In the days leading up to her death, Schwalm Googled “alomony” — misspelling “alimony” — and the questions, “can you see iophone history after deleted,” and “does a road flare completely burn,” and “throw road flare into fire.” He also asked a doctor at a social gathering if it was possible to kill someone by snapping their neck, suggesting he was trying to settle a debate with co-workers about the reality of Steven Segal movies.

Police soon found other clues.

There was a $1 million life insurance policy naming James Schwalm as the sole beneficiary in the event of his wife’s death, along with a $250,000 policy with the couple’s children as beneficiaries. Investigators also learned the couple’s 10-year marriage was also the rocks.

On Thursday, the excruciating details of Ashley Schwalm’s murder were revealed for the first time in an agreed statement of facts.

James Schwalm poured gasoline throughout the interior and then drove the vehicle off the edge of the embankment and then, after opening the driver’s side window, lit the vehicle on fire using a lighter bearing his own initials, Crown Attorney Lynne Saunders said reading from the agreed facts in a courtroom filled with the couple’s family and friends.

Two days after the killing, Schwalm gave police a statement and handed over footage from his home’s surveillance system. That footage, he claimed, showed him leaving the home to walk his dog through the neighbourhood the morning Ashley died — he even gave police a map of the route.

When police checked his neighbours’ surveillance cameras, they found nothing to match his story; Schwalm’s footage had been “deliberately manufactured.”

Wearing a grey suit and white button-down shirt, and no tie, Schwalm appeared solemn but composed in the prisoner’s box as he answered Justice Michelle Fuerst’s questions on if he felt any coercion to plead, with his lawyer, Joelle Klein, standing nearby.

Despite pleading to a lesser charge, Schwalm still faces an automatic life sentence with Fuerst set to decide when he will first be eligible to apply for parole, from 10 to 25 years. The sentencing hearing is Sept. 26. (Schwalm will have no guarantee of parole upon his first eligibility date, nor ever.)

Schwalm was a captain with the Brampton Fire and Emergency Services until he was charged with first-degree murder.

The prosecutor gave a detailed account of the couple’s troubled marriage, which started 10 years earlier in a lavish wedding ceremony beside the ski slopes at Craigleith Ski Club, one of several private clubs in the Town of the Blue Mountains, near Collingwood on the shores of southern Georgian Bay.

In early 2022, Ashley was involved in an extra-marital affair with her then-boss. The Schwalms decided they wanted to work to repair the relationship and sought counselling. But by Christmas that year, fissures appeared, the prosecutor said. James told his mother he wasn’t sure they could make it work and Ashley informed her family she was thinking of ending the relationship, sending her sister a message quoting the lyric “all out of love,” by the band Air Supply.

James was also “nurturing” a relationship with the ex-wife of the man with whom Ashley had the affair, and days before killing her, told the woman he’d developed feelings, which she reciprocated. On Jan. 21, 2023, Schwalm told the other woman he was resolved “to do what would make him happy regardless of Ashley still wanting to make their marriage work,” the Crown attorney said.

Sometime the night of Jan. 25, their son heard his parents arguing and when he opened his bedroom door, he saw his mother and father in the upstairs hallway. Ashley asked her son to get her cellphone for her so that she could call police. He retrieved it and gave it to his mom, but then his dad told him to return to bed, Saunders said.

“Sometime later, he opened his bedroom door and saw James Schwalm crying in the area of the mudroom which connects the house to the garage,” and heard his father ask the house’s virtual assistant, “What time is it, Alexa?” to the reply, 3 a.m. Also that day, their daughter told a teacher that she had a bad night because her parents fought and she heard her mother fall down the stairs, Saunders said.

Surveillance video captured some of Schwalm’s movements that cold, dark morning, including footage showing a figure carrying a large backpack running from the area of the crash towards the Craigleith ski lodge parking lot where he had parked his mother’s car.

Just after 6 a.m. on Jan. 26, fire crews responded to a 911 call and extinguished a blaze. They found a badly burned body in the front passenger side of the vehicle.

After determining the deceased was Ashley, police interviewed Schwalm who shared bogus text messages and video clips in an attempt to deflect suspicion away from him. He said Ashley had left home early that morning to go hiking up at the ski hill — a departure from her usual hiking routine.

But it didn’t work, and Ontario Provincial Police investigators from the Collingwood detachment started digging.

On Feb. 3, 2023, they announced Schwalm had been charged with second-degree murder and indignity to a dead body. The charges were later upgraded to first-degree murder.

A post-mortem examination determined Ashley’s cause of death was neck compression not related to the crash, and that she was dead before the fire.

P IS FOR PAINFUL

 

In the Yukon, doing what he loved to do most.
I will miss you always xoxo
TAKEN: MAY 2008

It has been a painful week for me, as yesterday was the second anniversary of the unexpected death of my closet friend and confidant; Brian 'Smartie' Smart.

I can't believe it has been two whole years since I have heard his voice. 

I swear he crosses my mind every single Thursday afternoon when my phone doesn't ring. As my eyes fill with tears as I type, I can attest that our friendship was one that neither of us ever took for granted.

Being his friend was always a constant reminder of what unconditional support looked and sounded like. So much so that we never missed an opportunity to say 'I love you', and have the other automatically reciprocate with an genuine, 'I love you too...' 

So much so, that I believe the void of him leaving me will never be filled, as I don't believe I will have another friendship like ours in this lifetime.

I miss you Smartie. No matter the pain, I am grateful every single day we had together. 

The laughs, the love, the razor shape wit, even the fears and tears that were both shared and shed.

Until we meet again.... 

C IS FOR COMPANIONS

Top Left - The Kids and Toby
TAKEN: JUNE 2008
Top Right - Hubby, Daisy and Dottie
TAKEN: MARCH 2012
Bottom Right - Puddin' rocking the dock!
TAKEN: SUMMER 2017
Bottom Right -  Miya & Annie soaking up the ocean breeze in Outer Banks
TAKEN: OCTOBER 2022

Growing up, my mother was a cat person. The idea of letting a dog in the house was simply a hard NO.

Then, once my husband and I married he explained how he'd always had a dog. To his credit, he did entertain a cat or two until he refused to getting a third. Instead, when I was getting ready to go off on maternity leave with Jukebox, we decided to get out first dog. 

The methodology behind the decision was that I would be off work for sixteen weeks and I could house train a dog and change diapers as part of my daily routine. Well, my son slept through the night after three weeks, and I got up with the dog to take a leak in the night for almost six months!

Giggles aside, in all our decades together, the overall canine tally is nine. Three of those are still alive and living their best lives with us. It is in my will that the ashes we have accumulated be buried with my remains, and I don't think I will ever not have a dog in my life.

Because the truth of the matter is, a bond between and person and their pups is like no other. Not only are they our life long companions, they are always along for the ride no matter what ups and downs life brings

They personify unconditional love and I swear if you treat them right, they will love you more than they love themselves.

MY EMPTY CHAIR

A very powerful photo of reflection snapped as the sun began to set on December 25th.
TAKEN: DECEMBER 25th, 2023

 

The year twenty-twenty three, though a great year for me professionally,  was also one of staggering loss. Between the people unexpectedly passing, combined with my moving on from those that weren't good for my mental health, saw that final tally exceptionally high.

I'm not exactly sure why, but from a young age, death and great loss has always affected me to my core. 

Part of me wonders if it is attributed to the fact that my parents had me later in life, and I began experiencing death at a younger age than most. I lost my fathers' father and mothers' mother less that three months apart. It was the fall I started grade five; and it hasn't stopped since.

I think the fact that I nursed both of my parents (in palliative homecare) to their deaths by the time I was forty, then lost my very first love unexpectedly at forty three, had something in my mindset give way. I remember the exact moment I made the personal decision to unapologetically live my life to its fullest. To which I have.

This past Christmas, as the house filled with all the smells that represent the holiday season, I paused before I took my photo to say a quick prayer for every single one - living or dead that parted this year.

Whether you agree or not, I believe you truly suffer the stages of grief for both. With acceptance being the final part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the those we've lost. 

If I am being totally honest, I suppose that is what my empty chair actually represents for me.

...Acceptance.

REMEMBERING 2023

As the year comes to a close at midnight tonight, there is so much I am very thankful for. So much so, that I have no idea where to start. 

What I will highlight is that our wee, four legged blondie/Oreo filling, simply stole the show (as well as at least a half dozen of my perfectly good slippers). And, that I can finally admit I have discovered a perfect work/life balance; solidifying the saying 'life is short' as my personal mantra. 

Thanks for the memories 2023. They are truly respected and appreciated. I feel blessed that I have such great hope for an even better 2024.

All the best in the coming year everyone. Cheers to all, and thank you once again for reading. 

~ Rhondi

PS: With the past year 99.9% in the rearview, as you reminisce with me electronically you can click links to journal offerings that you may have missed, or wish to revisit. 

Most Memorable Moment (centre): The addition of the beautiful Katie Lulu, that arrived to her new home on January 31st, 2023. She has proven to be a much welcome thread to the newly reunited Oreo Gang and we love her very much. Thanks again @labradorables

(LINK TO RE-READ: NEVER, UNTIL NOW! )

January: The unexpected and shocking murder of my former coworker Ashley Milne (top left) in Collingwood. I have spent the year following this terrible and unnecessary tragedy in hopes her amazing spirit didn't die in vain. Please keep her and her young children in your thoughts and prayers.

(LINK TO RE-READ: A IS FOR ASHLEY)

February: With my sweet Puddin' passing in June of 2022, we thought for sure The Oreo Gang would be displaced for years. That said, with our addition of Katie, Family Furbaby Day was once again a great success.

(LINK TO RE-READ: OUR ANNUAL ADVENTURE)

March: After checking the Salvation Army Store in Gravenhurst for more than twenty years, I was ecstatic to find four more of my wonderful Petro Canada water glasses for the very first time. In a stinking blizzard no less!

April: I always look forward to my birthday trip and this year was no exception. We hit Vegas Baby! What do you do in Vegas if you have no desire to gamble? Guess you'll have to read to find out! (There are also other offering though my April A-Z posts.)

(LINK TO RE-READ: K IS FOR KNACK)

(LINK TO RE-READ: L IS FOR LOGISTICS)

May: For the first time in more than a decade, I moved to the cottage for the summer.  I set up a satellite office and only commuted to work Monday mornings for meetings. I kept telling my husband that we should have named Katie '649'... Because that pup definitely won the lottery.

June: A milestone anniversary had us hop a plane to Montego Bay for the weekend to celebrate. My dad's birthday the 9th and our anniversary the 11th it made for a great reason to getaway. Though we stayed in a much smaller resort hotel than we usually do, we had a great time.

(LINK TO RE_READ: FROM FEAR TO FEARLESS)

July: July was an amazing weather month. I worked for most of it sitting at my desk in a bathing suit. The only thing I enjoyed more was spending time with Goob in the water. You know, it doesn't matter how old they get, I just love having them around.

August: As reminisce about the year gone by, I think it had to be the 'year of the concert'. I think there were seven in total, with four being my country quartet. From a bucket list perspective, Chris Stapleton won that prize. Man, Budweiser Stage is a great venue.

(LINK TO RE-READ: MY COUNTRY MUSIC QUARTET)

September: Per the work plan, we added another layer to our estimating team, a new project coordinator. I began her training right the first week of September, so I moved home to have a shorter commute. Labour Day Monday (Lab + Our Day as the photo shows) was my last day living at the cottage full time. Made no matter, it was a really great month!

October: This nod goes to spending Canadian Thanksgiving week in Nashville. Boy, did we cram as much in as possible before returning home. The Mother Church of Country Music left me speechless, as did almost everything about this amazing city - including the Opry.

(LINK TO RE-READ:SIMPLY, UNFORGETABLE

November: They say some of the best decisions you make are the ones you think about the least. Well, we bought another boat. A 20 foot Doral bowrider that gets delivered the first week of May (weather pending). Can't wait to load up the pups...

(LINK TO RE-READ:WE BOUGHT ANOTHER BOAT)

December: Well this month is crammed with memorable moments. It closed out another milestone year at work, had us spend valuable time with family and friends, and our home was filling with both birthday and holiday spirit. Not just the birthday on the 25th but the 5th, when Katie celebrated her very first birthday.

FORGET ME NOT

We landed at the cottage Friday night to a couple of pleasant surprises. First one was that we weren’t carried down the hill by blackflies and mosquitos. Second was, when I opened the kitchen door, my view was filled with a wonderful sea of blue.

Not sure what type of bloom they were, I snapped a pic and reached out via social media in search of some help. The consensus came back that they were a flower called Forget Me Nots. 

Per Google, I discovered that they are a short term perennial which are a symbol of true love and respect. A wonderful cottage tribute with perfect timing as I approach the first anniversary of the death of my beloved Puddin’.

This pre-covid polaroid pic of her (taken by a friend of the kids) remains on the cottage fridge.
I will never forget her.
TAKEN: MAY 27th, 2023  

I don’t think my heart has been this hollow for the loss of a furbaby since my yellow lab Toby left us in March of 2007 at the ripe old age of fifteen. He was so special that we were over two years before we entertained another pup.

Back then, I didn’t want another yellow lab as I truly felt the space he took in my heart could never be replaced. It was only after our beagle rescue Daisy was hit by a car that we agreed it may be time for another yellow.

From the day in 2012 when she landed home, we knew that Puddin’ was special. Even as a wee bit of pup, her outgoing personality shone through from the beginning. She was forever by my side and really chill until her one true flaw kicked in. Which was when out of the blue, she would haphazardly run up the drive to confront people on our street.

She was never malicious or vicious, her outburst of random barking and jumping up and down in the same spot was just super annoying and it always ended up being a tad embarrassing having to endlessly apologize to the passerby.

I have always professed it was an ingrained effort to protect her home and her pack. My husband always chose to believe it was a simple set of loose screws!

Anyway, when we purchased Miya’s sister Katie in December, our third yellow, it was never to replace my girl.  It was a specific set of circumstances that fast tracked having another in our pack. 

As she settles into her first summer on Orillia Lake, I think the flowers Friday were just Puddin’ stopping by to say hello. Just as we bloomed with daisies the summer after Daisy's death, the yard is filled with a sea of blue for my sweet girl.

She can rest easy knowing I could never forget her, she was a very bright light in my life.

So much so, that when my time comes, both her and Toby's ashes will be buried with mine.

U IS FOR UNCLE

My Uncle Roger and I. One of my best buddies growing up!
TAKEN: JUNE 27th, 2005

I have always loved this photo of my Uncle Roger and I. 

Though we are both smiling in the moment, it was a day surrounded by sorrow. It was taken in my side yard, the afternoon after we buried my dad.

Growing up, I really didn't understand that my uncle had special needs. It never crossed my mind why, as a grown man, that he still lived at home. 

I just knew that I loved spending time with him, and at the end of the day, he has always rated at one of my favourites.

Later in life, I learned that he weighed over ten pounds when he was born, and the home birth had been a hard one. I believe the prognosis was that he would never mature mentally past that of a young tween. Which was perfect for me growing up!

He passed away in October of 2019 at the age of 86 and their is no doubt that he immediately went straight to heaven.

After all, look above his head... He was already boasting his halo in 2005!!

H IS FOR HEMMINGWAY HOUSE

As we approach the first anniversary of my best friend Smarties' death, I can't help but focus on our last phone call. 

He loved Earnest Hemmingway's writing and made me make him two promises before we told each other we loved each other and hung up that very last time:

1) That I'd go to Hemmingway House before I left Key West (and)

2) That I would read EH's offering titled Africa; as it was his personal favourite.

I did go to the home/museum the very next day, and it was an amazing step back in time.

From the approximately sixty six toed cats (descendants of his originals) that the estate caters to, to the luxurious inground pool that cost $20,000 to construct in 1938, to the wide offering of historic Hollywood memorabilia on display; I was in awe. 

Once again, Smartie was right. I needed to go. 

Not only was it $9.00 very well spent, I can always look back at my photos of that day and hear his voice kicking my ass to reassure him that I would go.

With regards to the book. I haven't read it yet.

... But I have promised myself I eventually will. When I'm ready.

One of the six toed cats at the ticket booth.
TAKEN: APRIL 8th, 2022

Only so many were allowed in at one time.
As you can see, there are cats everywhere.
TAKEN: APRIL 8th, 2022

I didn't pay to tour with a guide. I started by walking the grounds.
Yes, there is a pet cemetery for his cats.
TAKEN: APRIL 8th, 2022

A portrait in one of the many rooms displaying memorabilia.
TAKEN: APRIL 8th, 2022

Some rooms are dedicated to his specific offering and the history behind it.
TAKEN: APRIL 8th, 2022

I found his writing studio the most interesting. 
TAKEN: APRIL 8th, 2022

A statue of him in a park in Mallory Square (with other famous settlers)
TAKEN: APRIL 7th, 2022

A IS FOR ASHLEY

May my beautiful friend and coworker forever rest in peace.
(Beautiful photo from her LinkedIn profile)

It was the last Friday afternoon of this past January. 

My boss and I had just finished our end of day call, when he empathetically said, “I have some news to share.” Then, after a long pause he said, “Ashley was killed in a car accident early yesterday morning.”

In that moment, it was like I had been punched in the throat. My mind began swirling, and I was in a complete state of disbelief. This girl had the most amazing energy and sense of kindness, I instantly fell into a general state of shock.

Fast forward from that Friday night to Sunday morning. I couldn’t find any information online, other than there had in fact been a vehicular fatality in that area the morning I was told she passed. 

So, by mid-Sunday morning I reached out to a coworker to go fishing for facts. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I wanted to confirm that there hadn’t been some sort of bizarre misunderstanding. She quickly confirmed it was in fact her that had died.

Flash to the next Tuesday, when the rumblings shift to the chatter that her husband was being investigated for foul play in her death. In that moment, all I could do was be angry at the potential small town gossip.

Low and behold he was formally charged that Friday with second degree murder and indignity to a dead body and is being held without bail. 

His charges were then formally upgraded to first degree murder on February 17th, 2023.

Though I want to be angry at the person accused of taking her life, he doesn't deserve any space in my mind. That said, I can’t help but focus my empathy and worry to their two young children, both under the age of ten. Still processing all of this, it is so sad that they lost both of their parents that day. 

Not that I am anyone special in the big scheme of all of this, I am just one of many that is extremely grateful to have been able to call Ashley Schwalm my friend. I will always miss my former coworker dearly.

Rest in peace my beloved Schwalmster. 

Because if there is one thing you deserve, it's to forever sleep easy. 

REMEMBERING 2022

I don’t know about you, but I am happy to shut the door on the past year and look to the coming year with a genuine amount of hope and sincere optimism. 

Personally, it has felt like I have been in mourning for the majority of the year. I didn’t write nearly as much as I had hoped because my heart was absolutely aching with both hurt and despair. Trust me, in spite of my mantra, it hasn't been something I would ever be able to laugh about.

Professionally, after taking the last three months of 2022 off to help my husband heal from a life saving surgery, I started the year with a new career challenge that has proven to be an excellent move for me. As I look toward retirement, I love that I am mentoring and team building with an amazing group of young, very upwardly mobile, professionals. 

With the past year in the rearview, I have great hope for 2023. All the best in the coming year everyone. Cheers, and thanks once again for reading. 

~ Rhondi

PS: For the first time, for my annual 'remembering' post, as I reminisce electronically, you can click links to journal offerings that you may have missed.

PSS: Enjoy!

Most significant moment (centre): The sudden passing of my closest friend and confidant, Brian ‘Smartie’ Smart. Who left us Easter weekend 2022. I am truly heartbroken, and the loss of his presence will be missed forever.

January: A snapshot from the desk of my new job. A refreshing challenge I have loved, to which I said to my boss on our last conversation before the holiday break, "look what you and I have accomplished in our first year. I can't wait to see where we land after our second!" 

(Link: Leapin' Life Balance)

February: Knowing my wonderful Puddin' was living on borrowed time, my husband and I spent Family Day (aka: Family Furbaby Day) at the cottage with 'The Oreo Gang' . It was the beginning of the end of an era. 

(Link: The Oreo Gang)

March: As the carpool picked up Goob to head to work in Port Cariling, the glow of the sunrise lit up the car. I got out of the car to capture this moment. We enjoyed a beautiful month of March.

April: For the first time since November 2019 we were able to travel. We flew into Miami then took a roadtrip to Key West. Smartie called me to wish me a Happy Birthday, and made me promise to go to the Hemmingway house, which I did the very next day. We talked for an hour, said our always call ending 'I love you and I love you too'. He was dead a week later. 

(Link: S is for Smartie)

May: The month saw the beginning of house as well as cottage renovations. Both took until the end of November to complete. Much more to do in 2023.

June: My beautiful Puddin' succumbed to her cancer. She was my very best furbaby friend. Our Annie was so affected by the loss that we had to stop saying her name. My life just isn't the same without her.

July: I surprised my husband with a road trip to the town of Bethel (where the Woodstock Festival was held in 1969) and then through the Catskill Mountains to the town of Woodstock New York for his birthday. For music lovers like us, it was both a moving and Bucket List experience.

August: We had a heat wave that was crazy off the charts producing extreme heat warnings. It was so hot, that we were in the water more than out. We felt like kids again! 

(Link: My Happy Hat)

September: They say everything comes in threes, and I had three that were major for me personally. First Smartie, then Puddin', then lastly my beautiful Auntie Cai. I credit a lot of who I am today to her and her life guidance. I miss her very much and always will. 

(Link: In her memory ~ Sweet Dreams of Cairo)

October: Our third roadtrip had us take our pups on a more than two thousand mile round trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. We rented a house that slept twelve on the ocean that was perfect. If you've never been.... GO!

(Link: Outer Banks Paw Patrol)

November: Yours truly celebrated a personal milestone with the 11th Anniversary of my wee electronic journal. In hindsight, maybe I should have named it 'Silly Story Central!?!' #yagottalaughaboutit 

(Link: Eleven Years Young)

December: A photo just can't illustrate the amount of snowfall we received in Muskoka that began the evening of December 23rd. So much so, that the massive dumping felt like we should have been placed in a State of Emergency. The photo in my collage was day two of four that were brutal. 

Link: Our Great Neighbourhood)

A SIMPLE HOLIDAY SHIFT

When we took our road trip to the Outer Banks for Canadian Thanksgiving, during those couple of thousand miles in the car, we mutually decided we would not be celebrating the holidays this year. Or, at least not as we had in the past.

Initially, it was because we had planned to take a full two weeks off together and disappear with the dogs for another beach house experience farther down the coast.

Then, when my company decided to close the last week of this year and the first week of the new, our idea of hitting the open road went out the window; with me being off the second week alone.

The good news?

We discovered we would only have one week together early enough, that we could ensure the cottage be stocked and ready to head in and stay during what time we did have off together. A ritual we haven’t been able to enjoy together since late December 2014.

Heading down the hill (Pre-4wheeler) with provisions to ring in the New Year.
TAKEN: DECEMBER 27th, 2014

The biggest inconvenience associated with enjoying our cottage space when it has been closed down is drawing, hauling, and boiling water out of the lake. That said, with enough split wood, the wood stove does all the work heating the water for the dishes as well as keeping us very toasty and cozy. 

I have to admit, there is something to be said for the place smelling of great food that isn't grilled outside, not to mention the serenity of no one else around as we sit around the glow of an outdoor bonfire with the music cranked on a cold night. Which is probably why we've never listed it for sale. It brings out the best in both of us. 

Anyway, for the very first time since becoming parents, we are establishing a 'zero gift giving zone'. I have put up a beautiful natural tree as well as my exterior lights but that is it. I guess you can say there has been a seasonal shift.

A shift because, after the last couple of years we have had, and the deep losses we have felt this year alone, we believe the true gifts are of time and love - and they will always be the two most important things we could ever hope for.

Time and unconditional love....  

The perfect gifts which will NEVER appear on your credit card statement, nor have any type of buyer’s remorse attached!

SMARTIE MEMORIES IN NOVEMBER

Smartie getting a driving lesson from his grandson.
TAKEN: AUGUST 27th, 2021

I am sitting at my home office desk and a wave of varying emotion just hit. 

It is 3:52pm and gloomier than usual outside.

I can hear the wind howling and my phone is buzzing with severe weather warnings and the radio's been boasting cancelations all afternoon. All of it reminding me what the next few weeks will offer, which is absolutely nothing special.

As my hump day workday ends, my mind began to wonder. Tomorrow is Thursday. And as I have each week since that terrible day last April, I realized that I won’t be getting my weekly call from Smartie tomorrow; or ever again.

I remember the day we met. It was in April of 2004 and we hit it out of the park from the get-go. Both working in manufacturing, we stayed on straight evenings so that we could save big dollars on daycare. An eighteen year friendship, that ended with his death on almost the same day in April that it started.

That said, as I type, it’s like I am stuck. Whenever I mention him to others in passing, I instantly tear up. Which is immediately followed by an apology disclosing, “I just can’t seem to get over his death.”

I feel a true emptiness, and all these months later his absence is still raw. Each time I get try to process why, I wonder if it could be because I wasn’t offered proper closure. 

Because, for obvious reasons, I wasn’t invited to his intimate private service. 

I could make excuses, but the truth of the matter is that I disliked his wife in high school and absolutely detested her by the time their marriage ended. Not looking to expand on why, other than to say he was my friend, and she was not. Either way, he’s gone and I truly miss him.

As I stop typing and glance out the window, I see the snow is now blowing on a 45 degree angle. 

I guess I should get my ass into the kitchen, get some grub going, and feed the pups while we still have hydro.

Once again, thanks for listening to me blather.

SWEET DREAMS OF CAIRO

This photo is worth more than a hundred thousand words.
It genuinely exudes my love for her.
Caroline (Caï) Perrault (née Marceau)
TAKEN in: MATTAWA ONTARIO 1983

There is no other way to share this, other than to say that my Auntie Cai was unequivocally one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my entire life, and today I had to say goodbye. She was 89.

Growing up, my aunt was a beloved mother of her four children whom she cherished. 

And, as silly as this may be read, I have always thought of myself as her fifth. Then, this afternoon, I realized that those of us that thought our ourselves as her special extra 'plus one' were in the hundreds. 

A well respected teacher for more than four decades, she guided yours truly, as well as all of her students like the great beacon she was.  

Growing up, no matter what I had happening in my life, my aunt was always an anchor for me. Providing unconditional inspiration and endless encouragement, not to mention a calm wisdom to the somewhat harsh realities that surrounded me.

In my formative years, my summers on Lake Temiscaming were most memorable when my cousins (whom I truly deem siblings) were at the camp next door. 

I remember the first grand-baby shower, I remember the first big job offer, and most importantly their guys embracing my now husband as one of their own from the time I brought him around. Most of all, I remember how being in their company, felt like I was home.

That said, just like many, we see most family members at weddings and funerals. 

As we gathered after mass today to celebrate her life, I asked the quorum around me how she ended up being called Cai, where her first name was Caroline?

My cousin Tootsie answered immediately. "When she was my teacher, she told us that she always talked constantly about how she wanted to visit Cairo, the largest city in Egypt.” The nickname stuck.

As I share a picture of she and I, my eyes fill with tears. Damn, this pretty lady literally made a difference in my life!

Rest easy and sweet dreams my love. You definitely helped mould me into the person I am today. You will be loved and missed forever by all who had the pleasure to meet and know you.

Don’t forget to say hi to mom, dad, uncle Vic, and all the others in your company. Bring them up to speed about what we've been up to. 

Please let them all know... We will always miss them too. xoxo 

A TIME TO HEAL

We attended a beautiful celebration of life memorial yesterday. You can't imagine the shockwaves that roared, when he died suddenly and very unexpectedly last fall. 

It was a loving service for a young coworker of my husband’s that will hopefully bring some sort of high level of closure to his immediate family; whom are devastated. 

Rest in Peace Dennis....
TAKEN: SEPTEMBER 10th, 2022

My husband has been very close with both of his parents for years, as he and the lad’s dad had also been coworkers since my guy joined the company (when he was fifteen years of age) and they worked together right up until a couple of years ago, when John retired.

Like most, I never look forward to occasions like these. Primarily because I have deep personal struggles when it comes to processing a death. I’m not sure why, but my inner thoughts are because I have seen so much of it over the years.

Just like weddings, funerals are that similar occasion where you come back in touch with so many you never see on a regular basis.  As weird as this may read, yesterday was one of those days when you were grateful we are able to hug again.

One fella, who I have known for decades, I hadn’t seen in over a decade. Though my husband sees him once a week, it took an occasion like we attended yesterday for us to reconnect.

Others, though we know of the other on some level but have no real connection, reacted to each other with profound respect of each, in hope of helping John and Brenda heal.

Goodbye for now Dennis. Sleep well…. You are truly missed.

PS: Say hello to Smartie for me. 

PSS: He'll be the one making everyone around him smile. xo

MY AMAZING GOAT

My beautiful Annie Banannie once again embracing lake life with me.
TAKEN: AUGUST 1, 2022

I was listening to the radio on my way into work last week and the on-air host referenced a band I’d never heard of as the ‘goat’. I wasn’t much of a fan, so it didn’t really resonate until that same morning show host, days later, spoke of the band again explaining the ‘g.o.a.t.’ acronym in long form as: greatest of all time.  

I giggled to myself after she said it, because it was once again proof of what I tell the littluns I work with all the time, which is that I learn something new every single day. 

The real surprise was because I tend to call my beloved Annie by her nickname, which is my Nanny Goat. Primarily because she jumps around like one whenever we are reunited after being apart for more than fifteen minutes; which is truly a special sight to see. 

Just like our children (Goob, Sweetie & Jukebox), I have always nicknamed for our dogs. 

I remember my estranged sister-in-law asking me if I still had those “silly nicknames” for my children. 

To which I immediately propped myself up proudly admitted yes, because in that moment I knew it was just her passive aggressive way to switch the narrative and attention in her direction. To this day, she's a real see you next Tuesday, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, all these years later, I don’t want to open that can of worms, as she’s in the past and not the direction I am going - BUT I will weigh in on the whole nickname front. 

Just like my grown children, my dogs appreciate my tone when I use their nicknames as a genuine term of endearment.  So much so that when our Puddin' left us on this past June 7th, I had to stop mentioning her name as it made my Annie suffer even more.

The photo I am sharing today is the very first time Annie would get back in the boat that floats with me, as she would always wait on the dock just incase her BFF would in some way miraculously come back to her. Eight weekends later, she decided to finally hop in.

Though is would be tough for me to confirm that Annie is in fact the greatest of all time, our bond is very strong, just as mine was mine was with Puddin' and all that came before her. They know you love them, unconditionally - and not just because they are mine.

You see, if you were to ask me if I believe in love at first sight, my answer would be absolutely! 

As crazy as this reads, I fall in love with every dog, the very first time our eyes meet. 

...Then immediately give them a treat and a nickname.

#BAZINGA