R IS FOR REUNION

For the first time in more than three years, we hit the road (as a family) for a day trip this past weekend. I don’t know about you, but getting the exclusive time of five full time working adults coordinated, can be a real pain in the ass. We were going, we weren't… We were going, we weren't. Ay Carumba!

With everything finally aligned by mid-morning yesterday, I was excited. We were all going to have some serious family face time...and not the kind you receive courtesy of your iPhone.  

L'il ole me capturing a moment... While my husband captures ours.
TAKEN: APRIL 20th, 2014

You’ll be proud to know that even though I brought the camera into the restaurant where we had lunch, I held my extreme picture taking urges at bay.

A couple of hours in, with beautiful Lake Simcoe as our backdrop, I began to snap away like a drug addict in need of a hit.

The tricky part for me's that I never usually take just one picture with one camera. As I worked through the stash in my purse, I realized that my kids have become conditioned to my affliction. 

I just can't seem to help myself!

Being the last of four children with older parents, my mother passed and there was little evidence of my childhood. (The biggest item missing, was a family photo.) I'm not suggesting that my children live in the past... but I would like them to have the ability to reminisce together once we're gone. 

Besides, yesterday was an official reunion right?

Who the hell am I kidding... my kids could be embroiled in a full out round of fisticuffs and I'd still want to take their picture. Because in my books,  'remember the time when...?' 

Is always a PERFECT Sunday Supper conversation starter!

My final effort.... Aren't they all just absolutely amazing!!!
TAKEN: APRIL 20th, 2014

G IS FOR GOOD n’ GRAY

The Ole Gray Mare, she ain't what she use to be...
OR so you may think!
TAKEN: April 2014

When I started preparing the sauce for dinner this evening, my son walked into the kitchen and said, “Whoa there Mama… You really need to dye your hair!” 

Not wanting to suppress his extremely keen sense of observation (forever embracing the fact that we are cleverly disguised as a normal family) I smiled and reinforced the obvious.

“No shit, Sherlock!” was all I said.

My hair started to go gray shortly after I gave birth to the twins over twenty years ago. It started with the odd lone white curly cue sprig, that would pop up on the crown of my head. Then, before long, it became readily noticeable that I was in need of colourful help.

For the last year or so, I've debated what to do. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that the stress of the last few years has thinned my locks but that doesn't mean I want to throw in the towel and shave my head.

Some advise me to just let it go white and embrace its magnificent hue and my curls; guess I'm just not sure if I'm ready for that. I do tire of the tri-weekly ritual of doing my roots but at this stage I am getting pretty efficient at it. I guess I'll just continue with the status quo, staying far away from harsh chemicals, as well as a brush and comb.

At the end of the day, I don't see my gray hair as a hindrance, I see it as a reward for finally embracing who I am. What can I say, change is exactly that... CHANGE. You either embrace it or you don't.

I may be good and gray but when it comes to my overall outlook the math is a 95/5 split.

95% GOOD n' 5% GRAY!

C IS FOR CAMARADERIE

What can I say? You either gravitate to that kind of energy or you don’t. Matter a fact, I am probably one of the few people I know that strive to surround myself with as much of it as much as possible. I consider it to be an essential balance in every single area of my life.

When I began dating my husband (almost thirty years ago) my mother was terminally ill. We've always had a  lot of natural chemistry but I believe we have stood the test of time part and parcel because of how well we get along. Hard times have always be overcome because we've always been the best of friends. 

From the very beginning, our life together has
always been filled with a love for sarcasm, humour and camaraderie!
Taken: June 2002

In my eyes, one of his most valued traits is his ability to make us all laugh. 

Intense by nature, he can make me laugh at the stupidest situations imaginable. Silly ones I may end up fixated on. Some days our mutual love of humour is what literally pulls me through.

With our children fully grown, it warms my heart to know that they have all embraced our philosophy. They love to laugh and live to nurture great friendships; with each other, extended family, co-workers and many facets of varying people. 

I must admit, as they were growing up, I'm confident that we were probably labelled the strictest parents. All these years later, I also know that when you flipped that disciplined coin, we've always been the most fun!

What can I say? The Peacock's LOVE FUN... It's how we roll!

B IS FOR BELIEF

I had a great call with a very good friend and respected colleague this morning. He’d sent me an email commenting on my first blog challenge offering, so I picked up the phone and gave him a call. As always, it was great to hear his voice.

Over the course of almost an hour, we talked in detail about the overall economic climate here in Cottage Country. We also spoke of what our hopes and aspirations are going forward. From a market perspective, it’s always interesting here as the seasons change and the big lakes finally open. It's a very exciting time.

LOOK MA... NO HAIR!
Taken: June 1996

As we chatted this morning, we absolutely and unequivocally agreed (that for a goal to be truly achievable) not only do you have to be happy, there has to be belief.

Belief in objective facts of what you're working toward rather than subjective opinions of others. That, and the sheer belief in your journey. Those are the true keys.

Which brings me to my boys. In the moment the shutter snapped, you can tell that they were both very happy. I can assure you (in this moment) they personified BELIEF. 

It was the first time I'd ever convinced them that they should let me shave their heads. They trusted me but they had questions. Oh my goodness, there was doubt, not to mention that they were definitely a couple naysayers. In the end, my well thought through explanation as to why they should take such a drastic step for change resulted in their consent to move forward.

Do you want to know what the most amazing part of my story is?

It took place in my kitchen this past Sunday afternoon. I fired up my set of clippers and I shaved Goob's head. Yup, eighteen year later he still has the solid belief that this look is great. 

Know what? He's absolutely right... They still both embrace the approach and it still looks perfect.

Guess some things were just meant to be!

A Family Day of Reflection

I am not proud to admit that I have zero contact with my three older siblings.

Different life choices are probably what created the gigantic chasm but my Dad passing was most definitely what sealed our long term fate. It’s not like the distance happened immediately, I guess we all made a series of individual/personal decisions over time.

As parents, we make choices every single day on the philosophies we decide to instil in our children; those choices will ultimately last a lifetime. I know in our home, we chose to constantly reinforce that no matter how much they bickered, one day they would cherish the bond they had as siblings. My husband and I continually reminded that they would always have each other and therefore their respect for one and other should always be carefully nurtured.

The Power of 3 - Summer Lovin' Poppa's Camp!
Taken: July 1995

From the very beginning we've always cautioned them that we could never force them to be friends.

Only they could make the specific choices to unconditionally love and support one and other as they matured.

Look at my picture (snapped almost 20 years ago on their Poppa's dock).

That amazing bond, though tested at times, has had them communicating more with one and other more than with my husband and I by a mile. To be honest, after the journey I have taken with my siblings I'm a little envious. It makes me somewhat reflective actually.

I sometimes wonder if the demise of my relationships with my own siblings is why I've evolved into the crazy dog lady. In some way, shape, or form, maybe I was meant to be surrounded by a gigantic pack of love without a stitch of drama, rivalry, or ulterior motivation.

What can I say?... I'll start with the fact that I am so proud of my three children for getting it right. We may have led by planting the example seed; but in the end, they made it look easy, which is definitely the silver lining never to be taken for granted.

Happy Family Day. Here's to you and yours... and a million more.

Cheers...

My Early Morning Walk...

I was sitting having lunch last Friday when I looked up and noticed my oldest son walking by on the side walk; caught off guard, I instantly grabbed his attention. We smiled, waved, and then I announced with pride "that's my oldest son.”

Short story long… I sent a text around dinner time to tell him I loved fresh his hair cut as well as to disclose the identity my mystery lunch date. It was at that point he invited my husband and I to come and see him play, with three very well-known musicians as his back up. His set started at eleven, which was way past my bedtime, so I didn't commit.

At around 10:30 pm I had already enjoyed my bubble bath and was ready for bed. When I came downstairs to say good night to my husband, he asked me what time it was. Realizing we could make it to see my son he announced, “get ready... we're going out!” Twenty minutes later (with the back of my hair still wet from my tub) we ventured out.

When we arrived at the Pub I could hear him singing. I asked my husband if we could just stand outside and enjoy the music before we caught him off guard by walking in. Proud as a Peacock, I have to boast that my son is really really good. He comes by his nickname honestly, as he truly does offer a wide range of songs just like a Jukebox.

There is never a bad time to have camera handy.
Taken: (going on 3am) January 11th, 2014

What a night!

We experienced great music; ran into some old friends; and even made some new ones. Enjoyed the company of our two sons, then we set out to walk home around 2:30am.

I felt amazing.

Energized and ready for a great walk home in the wee hours of the morn.

My husband? Not so much!

He’d been up more that 22hrs and definitely had what I can only describe as a speed wobble happening on our trek home. I knew he hadn't drank a lot, so I kept asking (in between fits of full blown laughter)... "What's wrong? Are you OK?!" 

Goob told me Saturday morning that he was drinking a potent 9% craft beer which may offer some explanation. All I know is that 48 hours later, I can't stop smiling. He took 3x's more steps to get home than I did, and in a Town where everything is a 15 minute walk, it truly did take us 45 minutes to make it home!

Makes not matter.... It's the most fun I've had out on this Town in a very long time....

Defining Relief...

Being happy is all that matters...
Lookin' good Spottie DOT!

Taken: December 11th, 2012

What can I say? On a scale of 1-10 we totally got dumped on with snow today. Tomorrow? Expected to be even worse.

The major incoming highways are closed, and the OPP are telling people to stay off the road. Egad! What a crazy, crappy, slap hap happy, bullshit, kinda day.

While navigating such crap, my Goob was amazing.  He worked hard and ensured all the snow cleared before I arrived home. His hard work offered some serious relief. I thanked him, and his smile and hugs offered even more relief. 

On this shitty day, how amazing is it that I called my husband this morn and reminded him the I had already booked (and paid for a trip for us) to Jamaica last August?!

Today was a day of relief for both of us; thank goodness it's over.

Glass half full?

My man n' me.... Weeez Jamaica bound MON!!!

WOODn’t You Like To Help?!

When it comes to the day to day chores at home, there are only two things that I really hate doing. One is taking out the garbage, and the second is hauling wood. The chore of the garbage will never be a participation sport for me, however, I know I am going to have to kick it up a notch in the hauling wood department.

The first two of our ten cord arrived this morning.
Get me some A535...STAT!
Taken: October 12th, 2013

Oh, the mighty double edged sword... Or shall I say axe?

Once my son started paying rent, he was ambitiously quick to point out that it was exactly that: “Room and Board” not “Room and Chores!” 

Just like our Sunday night suppers, the hauling and piling of wood in the fall, has been a seasonal tradition since we bought our home in 2002.

I really do love the airtight fireplace we have.

I love the warmth the fire offers me on those damp fall days, and cold winter nights.

Yet, I hate the stinking mess it produces! Not to mention, the day to day regiment of keeping it stocked, stoked, and going strong with the flames a flickering.

Ah hell, what the heck am I grumbling for? There's only one thing I love more than my fuzzy socks and painfully ugly off season bathrobe... and that's embracing them both in front of a toasty fire in the fireplace.

Those three simple indulgences right there truly help get me through our harsh Muskoka winters!

Those, and a couple of other tricky tidbits, I'd rather not share just yet.

June 24th, 2012? A Biggie For Me…

GOOB & Me at Actinolite
Taken: June 23th, 2012.

It was exactly a year ago yesterday that I sat outside the King Eddie Hotel in downtown Toronto sobbing as I prepared for my journey back to Muskoka. 

If I close my eyes I can see the bench I sat on that morning; I was outside a Starbucks, my eyes were damp, and I began to lean on a friend via BBM.

My memory of that very moment's vivid; it was a Sunday morning, and I felt totally lost and alone in my dark thoughts. 

My biggest problem? There wasn't a GPS nor flashlight anywhere in sight to help me find my way!

A year later I feel sorry for my poor David; in hindsight I was leaning on him far more than I should have. In retrospect, he valiantly carried me. I hadn’t been diagnosed as depressed, but 365 days after the fact, I am convinced that bothersome stray cat was scratching really hard at the screen door.

The only thing I didn’t do was fold like a lawn chair and let him in. You have no idea how easy it would have been to open the door and welcome the company. I wanted to. I just never did. I worked really hard every single day (for the next several months) so I wouldn't have to clean the litter box.

I am reflective for a couple of reasons tonight. Today is the first anniversary of one of my lowest points personally during a very trying time. I didn’t go to work yesterday. It wasn’t a vacation day, I called in sick. Not because I was feeling blue but the exact opposite. My driving need for a sense of accomplishment had me rendered completely exhausted.

I'm in a great place. Matter a fact, this summer I am going to hold myself accountable rather than look to those around me to blame for my being a bitch. Blame is nothing other than a lame excuse. That said, there are a very small handful of people in my life that need to just go away.

Departure isn't needed because I am mad or upset, but rather it's time to let go of the outside influence that breed self doubt. As bizarre as it sounds, I don’t want them to go away mad, I just want them to go away. As I resign myself to the reality at hand, I only have one other thing to say.

You know who you are...

He Knows The Key To Success...

Well, it’s official. David is moving home. Since he’s made the decision, a couple of full time/year round employment options (in his field) have presented themselves, which keeps him progressing in the direction he ultimately wants to go. I believe this was meant to be. 

David doing his thing as published in NOW Magazine.
Taken: December 13th, 2012

Hang on a second. Let’s back up. 

When Dave was home at Thanksgiving, I encouraged him to make an employment change. Out of respect for GOOB I won’t discuss the details, except to say, at that time he decided not to. Rather than push my point, I continued to unconditionally support. 

A very rough autumn resulted in lots of telephone support as well as a GTA road trip for some much needed "family time". What was our biggest accomplishment that day? He let me buy him a new winter coat. Seriously, he was being far too proud, and it was really pissing me off!

Our boost that day gave him just enough energy to skate into the Christmas break; which is when he announced (at his own accord) that he was ready to make a change. It was wholeheartedly accepted and expected, that once we were back from our Christmas trip, David would transition home.

Well, turns out a week of fun and frolic in the sun (combined with a couple of weeks of solid Muskoka rest) had him return to his apartment and the very job I had hoped he would leave behind months earlier. Upon his return to hell this time, I asked him to make me a deal; call me no matter what, ask for help if needed, and if things didn’t change by the first of April, sincerely entertain a change! He  promised and said “I love you Mom…” A week or so ago, he ultimately decided he was ready.

I know it has been very hard for him to realize that sometimes you need to take a step back and look at the big picture in order to move forward. You know what I mean. Haven't you ever been so busy going through the motions, that you don't bother to try to process what's happening, so the utter dysfunction just keeps perpetuating itself? For him, something finally clicked, and he took a step back.

Because he has done that, I see this as an excellent opportunity for him. I see it as stepping stone to bigger and better things. He's seen personal success first hand, therefore he knows that he can accomplish anything, if he puts his mind to it.

I can't wait for his smile
to return for good!
Taken: December 29th, 2012

This journey solidifies that he is not afraid of a lot of hard work. It's not that he needed to prove anything to us, my joy comes because he has proven it to himself!

Speaking from experience? THAT is the key, that will open every single door, every single time!

I am so very proud of him. Not just because he understands my philosophy about hard work but because he's lived it.

Sky's the limit GOOB.... Don't look back!

What A Difference A Year Makes

It started with my daughter calling me at the office. When I was buzzed and told "...that’s your daughter on the phone" I instantly knew something was up. Sure enough, she was worried about her twin brother. It’s hard to explain the connection they have. They are very different people but share this really cosmic bond.

Doing what was requested, I instantly called David. When I asked “are you okay” I knew by his voice he was not. I automatically worried he needed money. I've offered a number of times to help but he's always turned me down. He can be overly proud that way, so I try to respect the whole “I’m gonna make it on my own” attitude. He's become very independent and has always been some what stubborn

2011 PRINCE Concert Weekend
Taken: November 26th, 2011

What a difference a year makes;  not to minimize that he wasn't proud a year ago, but I sense he feels that he is expected to handle this particular challenge alone. 

To prove my point, I posted this amazing photo. 

My hope is that it reminds him what a significant weekend this was for me personally, and just how lost I really was. 

I want him to remember how easily he carried me and that I am forever grateful.

Like most things in life, there is always calm before a storm. 

This time last year, David was my chosen lighthouse keeper. He was my beacon, my sounding board and my well respected friend. 

Has the last year offered highs and lows for both of us? Absolutely! Did we make it through? We did, because we love and support each other. Truth of the matter is this week proves we  ALL unconditionally support, respect, and love one and other.

I hope my post makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I hope that when he hugged each and everyone of us this morning he felt our love and energy. I hope in the next two weeks he gets plenty of rest in preparation for our trip. 

Why? Because I am going to kick his ass on the golf course and seriously brag about it! What? You think he doesn't feel the same way? He most certainly does. Hardest part for me to admit is that I know my buttocks is going to get served to me on a platter! 

Bring it GOOB! Just bring it my friend !! 

Proud As A David Peacock...

So my whirlwind GTA adventure was tres formidable. The only downside? It was planned in a flash and over just as fast.

We arrived in Yorkville about 6:30pm with an 8:30 dinner reservation at Actinolite (Dave was texting me like crazy to ensure we were on schedule).  I could tell when we arrived; he was excited to see us, proud to show us off, and maybe even a little nervous. This was an 'all hands on deck' family event. After all, he was now assigned his own station in the kitchen, and we were all very excited to share in his promotion.

Let me start by saying, as a proud mommy hen, I had decided I was only going to order from the menu ensuring David was going to prepare it for me. Sad to admit, I am a really picky eater. I knew the menu had changed since my visit at the end of June but I was anxious just the same. Saying that 'I am not the least bit adventurous with food' would be an understatement. That said, David hit it out of the park. Bazzzzinga Baby!

We finished our dining experience around eleven, took a cab back to the hotel, and David joined us when he was done at around twelve thirty. The fact that we were jam-crammed into a teeny tiny hotel room made no difference, we were together again, and that was all that mattered. He was exhausted but he and I chatted and laughed, eventually turning the lights out at about two thirty Sunday morning. 

Enjoying the Toronto Harbourfront

Up and at 'em early we were onto our next plight, what the hell to do for the day. We decided on a walkabout the city. We had a great day. A really great day!

In less than a month, it will be a year since, I cried my eyes out as I left my son in a house with strangers, on Queen Street in downtown Toronto. I vividly remember the tears that day. His were of fear and excitement, mine were filled with worry and love.

Yesterday there were tears (there always are) but this time my tears offered me brutal clarity. My tears were due to the the pain of once again parting. His, for the first time, were different. They were in empathy for my pain. He knows he’s home but feels the need to keep helping me with my continued transition.

It’s a harsh motherhood reality when you realize your child doesn’t need you anymore. I wish he still needed me but the truth is he doesn't. His ever growing independence is unmistakable. 

As I wipe my eyes as I type, all I can say is that I am so very proud of the beautiful iridescent blue-green coloured plumage this mature David Peacock has grown. His hard work and determination will serve him well in life. I know he's going to kick some serious culinary industry ass. I love ya Goob!

911 GOOB Alert! Code Blue...GTA Stat!!!

I remember my sister in law asking me when my kids first started school if I “still had those silly little nicknames for them?”  My answer fifteen years ago was yes and today the answer is still yes.  From the day Jamie was born he’s been “Bud”, Staci’s been “Sweetie” and David’s been “Goob”.

Why so reflective? I am really missing Goob. I am missing Goob so much it hurts. As a result; Tony, Staci and I are heading into the GTA tomorrow to spend some much needed quality time with him. 

I work until one and Sweetie works until four. (Tony, I suppose, is on standby ‘awaiting further instruction’.) I hate that we don’t have a plan but sometimes they are the best experiences right? Yes they are, yes they are, and yes they are.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the city. I love that I have to be so nice to people for a living, that I can be generally rude and just blend in.  I love the pace. I love the shopping. 

That said, what are we going to do? We texted Wonderland the last couple of days but it’s calling for electrical storms, Jays are away, and who goes to Ontario Place? Is it even open? ROM, done. Stage West, done. Casa Loma, done. I think you get the picture.

Xmas Eve 2010 w/ Grandma & Grandpa Peacock

Why am I over thinking? It's because I just want him to really enjoy the little time he has away from his extremely hectic journey.

In the end, I know in my heart it won't matter. When I wrap my arms around him, he’ll be fine because he'll be home.

Best part about tomorrow? His twin sister is missing him just as much as we are. All I can say is, how cool is that?

PS - To this day, the only person allowed to call him Goob is me. 

PSS - Thank gosh his friends don't bother with this silly little blog!

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...

As promised, I took advantage of my Chiropractor working Saturday and as an added bonus, I got to witness my son David in action at the restaurant he's working at in downtown Toronto called  Actinolite.

David and I try and get together at least once a month. That said, I know since our last visit he's been struggling  with the very long hours and lack of sleep, so I worry. Not going to lie, the first thing I noticed? As suspected, he’s underweight (almost gaunt) and he looked exhausted.

We were very excited to see each other. He gave me several great big hugs, called me Mommy (which will never gets old), and he introduced me to his team as "Big Hair Mama Bear" which is par for the course.

The difference this visit was how there was no subtle change only evident maturity. After sharing his desire to work in Italy, he kept his composure as he quietly whispered in my ear, “it's okay mommy, please stop crying”, that's when it hit me. He's become a man, a good man.

As I headed home, I confided in a friend that my heart was heavy and my eyes were damp. I was explaining how seeing David makes me miss him even more. In turn, he sent me this picture of a loon mother and her chick that he’d taken at his cottage on Georgian Bay last summer. 

His photo was accompanied by the following note. “Taken early one morning I thought of you and David.” His next comment was what truly struck home.

“It’s perfect as that it was taken a year ago” he continued. “By now, that loon chick has long left the side of his mother but will always know how to find her when he needs her.”

My eyes filled with tears as I typed my heartfelt and instant response of thank you… His photo and his very well chosen words put my weekend into proper perspective,  which is that I am a very lucky lady.

(Here's a link for the restaurant where David works as reviewed in Toronto Life Magazine.) 

http://www.torontolife.com/daily/daily-dish/opening-daily-dish/2012/04/04/introducing-actinolite/