Friday, January 25, 2013

Seems I Have Reached The Middle

Mother never told me there'd
be days like these!
I was telling a friend this week that “when you can’t sleep at night it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream.” I joked that "you can imagine my surprise when all along I thought I was waking up because I thought I was having hot flashes!"

Joking aside, last night was awful. I didn’t sleep a wink. I had to physically get up twice because my entire body was drenched. It’s unlike anything I have every experienced before. Lack of sleep leading to exhaustion, combined with some unexpected anxiety, had me sick to my stomach all morning.

As a result, I missed my morning appointment and I have spent the day watching movies. I don’t have an appetite and I have been "flashing" on and off all day. I don’t have a fever but it’s late in the day and I am still unable to sleep.

I'm lethargic, irritable, as well as emotional. I can feel it. I hate it and I just want it to stop!

I haven’t really researched what is going to happen to my body over the next couple of years because let’s face it; I don’t feel middle aged, and I certainly don’t act it. Today has been a bit of a wake-up call telling me that this is something that is officially knocking at my door and I most definitely have zero control over it.

Truth? This morning I was actually wondering if my summer of self-discovery in 2012 was just my body ramping up in preparation to start shutting down. The thought of that does worry me. I know I am not ready, but if I am honest with myself, I know over the last year there have been certain subtle changes. There have been some physical changes as well as some changes in mindset. All I suspect are part of the process. I guess I best start reading to make it as bearable as possible.

I watched four movies while tucked into the love seat at the end of the bed today. Hope Springs is about a couple that go into marriage counselling. Something's Gotta Give is about finding love later in life. And Something to Talk About is about marriage in fidelity and how a couple over comes it. The last was 40 Year Old Virgin.

The final had the greatest impact on me from where I am at this very point in my life. Poor Steve Carell. He waited an entire 40 years to get laid; only to marry someone and he's a minute and a half away from a mid-life crisis, which is to be directly followed my menopause. AND she made his sell all his shit on EBay!

POOR Bastard! That movie isn't a comedy. It could very well be the single biggest tragedy of this century.

Just keepin' it real Peeps...