A IS FOR ASHLEY

May my beautiful friend and coworker forever rest in peace.
(Beautiful photo from her LinkedIn profile)

It was the last Friday afternoon of this past January. 

My boss and I had just finished our end of day call, when he empathetically said, “I have some news to share.” Then, after a long pause he said, “Ashley was killed in a car accident early yesterday morning.”

In that moment, it was like I had been punched in the throat. My mind began swirling, and I was in a complete state of disbelief. This girl had the most amazing energy and sense of kindness, I instantly fell into a general state of shock.

Fast forward from that Friday night to Sunday morning. I couldn’t find any information online, other than there had in fact been a vehicular fatality in that area the morning I was told she passed. 

So, by mid-Sunday morning I reached out to a coworker to go fishing for facts. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I wanted to confirm that there hadn’t been some sort of bizarre misunderstanding. She quickly confirmed it was in fact her that had died.

Flash to the next Tuesday, when the rumblings shift to the chatter that her husband was being investigated for foul play in her death. In that moment, all I could do was be angry at the potential small town gossip.

Low and behold he was formally charged that Friday with second degree murder and indignity to a dead body and is being held without bail. 

His charges were then formally upgraded to first degree murder on February 17th, 2023.

Though I want to be angry at the person accused of taking her life, he doesn't deserve any space in my mind. That said, I can’t help but focus my empathy and worry to their two young children, both under the age of ten. Still processing all of this, it is so sad that they lost both of their parents that day. 

Not that I am anyone special in the big scheme of all of this, I am just one of many that is extremely grateful to have been able to call Ashley Schwalm my friend. I will always miss my former coworker dearly.

Rest in peace my beloved Schwalmster. 

Because if there is one thing you deserve, it's to forever sleep easy. 

OUR ANNUAL ADVENTURE

If my memory serves me correctly, Family Day became a statutory holiday in Ontario in 2008, and I remember those first few years of chilly Monday celebrations fondly.

We’d load up the mini van and go glow in the dark mini putting, five or ten-pin bowling, snow tubbing or tobogganing if weather permitted. As a family, we would always decide how we would spend the day, and officially vote on what we would have for our evening family meal.

Then, as life happens, the celebration of the mid-winter day saw the kids grown and gone and our nest completely empty. 

It was at that point we transitioned the conventional holiday into ‘Family Furbaby Day’ (FFD). The one paid holiday, where I would get up and make the pups a great breakfast, before we’d head outside by noon for an adventure that was totally dedicated to them having fun.

Since its inception, we have taken FFD pics of our special day all over Muskoka. We've never really decided what we are going to do until that weekend, but we both have always known where our focus would land... On them!

My hubby taming 'The Oreo Gang (Version 2)' with a treat.
TAKEN: FEBRUARY 19th, 2022

This year, because our newest addition was so tiny and had no hair on her belly, we decided to simply head to the cottage, hike our plowed road, and keep up top at the cottage not to wear her out. 

As a precaution for the wee one, I jimmy-rigged a backpack that I would put on my front so she could see the big dogs in action and stay warm at the same time. Turns out, she’s a true Rockstar and kept up nicely with her little legs.

Anyway, I posted the photo I am sharing on another social platform today disclosing the following:

In Ontario, today is truly dedicated to work/life balance.

Personally, I only discovered the meaning of the phrase once my husband had to have life altering surgery and wasn't expected to live. 

I hope everyone embraced today as we did. 

#lifeisshort #lovewhatyoudo #happyfamilyday

Embrace it we did...

Turkey bacon all around at breakfast, then zoom-zoom down all the backroads with the windows open for all the smells, and great treats once on the trail. 

What else can I say, other than our twelve paws and four legs loved being outdoors together on a beautiful Muskoka Monday.

Enjoying a really spectacular day.

NEVER, UNTIL NOW!

As I shared here last summer, never, have I ever, rushed to replace a pup out of sheer emotion. And though I know you can’t ever replace a dog, when my Puddin’ died of cancer last June, our deep friendship and her beautiful characteristics left a void like no other I have ever experienced. 

With my heart ache not subsiding, about three months after Puddin’ crossed the rainbow bridge, I reached out to our amazing CKC registered breeder that we purchased Miya Maria from - asking her to put me ‘on the list’ for a yellow female should her beloved Minnie have one.

I will be honest, she only breeds one litter a year, so our expectations where that we would have a wait. Then, on December 5^th, I got the call. 

Minnie had in fact had a litter of nine and there were two yellow females available. Now, you may think that we could have passed and waited a couple of years, but that is where this gets truly heart wrenching. 

There had been complications in the night with Minnie’s delivery that included a trip to the emergency vet, the delivery of the nine babes, and a full hysterectomy for our mama: rendering her sterile.

If we wanted the same lineage and an extension of Miya, this would be our only opportunity. My husband and I both immediately agreed, without hesitation, we were buying another dog!

Allow me to introduce the newest member of our puppy pack - KATIE
TAKEN: JANUARY 21st, 2023

When visiting our new girl again yesterday, we were told owners like ourselves had intended to purchase, but for reasons unknown to us have decided against. That said, because our breeder really does only work on a referral basis, I offered to get the word out as there are still a couple of these beauties available.

Now, I caution carefully. You should only reach out if you're looking to have the most amazing pet experience imaginable and for your heart to be filled with puppy love for years to come. 

I can attest first hand that with my husbands health woes last year, Miya truly changed his outlook and for the first time in all the dogs we've had, he has that magical connection I had with Toby, Puddin', and continue to have with my ten year old Annie. 

If you think this is something that may interest you. You can send me a personal message, or hop over to Facebook and check out Labradorables and message Leslie directly. 

Better yet, here's a link: Leslie @ Labradorables 

I promise, you won't be disappointed. 

Oh, and be sure to let her know that the wonderful Katie Lulu sent you!

MUSINGS BY THE BONFIRE

My wee Miya Maria and me... Musing beneath the trees.
TAKEN: December 29th, 2022

Well, it appears I have once again survived 'Blue Monday'. 

Though I'm sure some men might consider Blue Monday what follows the weekend if they didn't get laid, but I am referring to the Monday that is identified world wide as 'the most depressing day of the year.' 

The exact day is calculated by assessing weather (W), post-holiday debt (d), time since Christmas (T), failing New Year's resolutions (Q), low motivation (M), and a lack of decisive action (Na). This year, it was Monday January 16th.

For fun, here is my current assessment and reflection of their criteria:

Weather – The weather man is the only dude that can do his job wrong 100% of the time and not get fired.

Post-Holiday Debt – Don’t have any. Hard to go into debt when all you do is put up the same lights, decorate the tree the same every year, and only purchase heart felt gifts for three loves.

Time Since Christmas – This one has a reverse effect for me. I cringe when they start pushing me at Hallowe’en to 'deck the stinkin' halls'.

Failing New Year’s Resolution -  Didn’t make one. I set goals I want to accomplish but never make resolutions

Low Motivation -  This one did tick a box or two this year. Unnecessary and immature drama prior to breaking for the holidays tainted my time off. There were lots of tears. I realize now it was my own fault for allowing it to bother me. It’s over now, and I was feeling great prior to January 16th .

Lack of Decisive Action: Not with this cat. Booked and paid for my birthday trip  to Vegas on Black Friday, paid off the car more than a year early, and continually remove toxic people from my life. If there is one thing I am – it is extremely decisive!

As an aside, for me this milestone day doesn't register in the same way it may with others. I find it important to acknowledge because it signifies the end of my season affective cocoon (aka: time change coma) and is the beacon of light at the end of the tunnel which leads me to spring. Coles notes, it means the shortest day of they year has passed and the longest day with sunlight is on the way.

As I look at the photo I am sharing, I love that I captured such a great moment. Sitting by the fire, Miya waiting for the next snowball to be thrown, with music filling our yard. It was truly a great day.

Sitting there sipping, I remember in the moment turning to my husband and raising my Yeti. "Let’s face it," I said. 

"It is on days like these that I am convinced that wine was invented because God just wanted all of us to be happy!"

As we both chuckled at my spontaneity, I leaned over and clinked his can, then I continued as I always do. "Ya gotta laugh about it," I said. 

Ya just always gotta laugh about it! 

...Take THAT Blue Monday!!

LETTER WRITING MEMORIES

I got a call on January 4th from my oldest brother, as we'd missed connecting over the holidays.  

When my phone rang, my husband gently cautioned that if I answered, we would probably chat for hours. I acknowledged his comment with a nod, then picked up. I went to bed when my phone died, at 2am.

Through our long-winded catchup, he asked about any old negatives I may have in my possession (pre 35mm film) of photos my mother would have taken. On a mission, the next day I went through all the boxes in my cold storage space under our front entry stairs.

Up to my home office went boxes and bags of photos and negatives, as well as a hodgepodge of items I hadn’t looked at since we moved into our current home in 2002. I did find what he was asking about. I also found a series of handwritten letters from a girlfriend that were decades old. 

Holy time warp Batman. When I began reading the letters, it's like I had been transported in a time machine. I had forgotten my college sidekick and I had stayed in touch for as long as we had. 

With none of her letters dated nor having a return address, I know I had three children and she and her husband were hoping to try for their first; my only other clue are the 43 cent stamps.

Naturally curious, I headed to the internet to see what she’d been up to. My first issue was all of her letters were signed with only her first name. Though I knew her maiden name, I couldn’t for the life of me remember her married name.

Hours and hours later, and primarily seeking out obituary notices, I managed to find her. Not her specifically, but a website where she'd appeared on the ‘sunshine list’ in Peel Region.

The next piece was I remembered I had a photo of us. (I find it amazing that I have had the photo I am sharing tucked away in a photo album since it was taken.) There were six of us that travelled from Hamilton to Kitchener for the weekend to celebrate Oktoberfest, including the festive parade. 

If my memory serves me correctly, it was the fella whose family hosted us that took our picture. And I remember her saying  in the that moment, "we have to get a picture of us together." This was it.

I am going out on a limb here but judging by the look on my face, my guess is we were having a blast by indulging in a wee bit of alkohol spirituosen and polka party fun.

That said... I would have to double check my German with Google translator to be sure!

Us celebrating Oktoberfest in Kitchener with one of her letters as the background
TAKEN: OCTOBER 1984

TWENTY REASONS WHY

My husband went back to work yesterday, so I will be flying solo around the house until Friday night. 

It goes without saying that sitting around all day was out of the question, so my first self assigned task was to productively purge my clothing dressers, closets, and totes; you read that right, plural.

What started a three-pile exercise (out to the cottage, neatly bagged for donation, and the third for disposal) resulted in a day that proved to be cathartic as well as seriously eye opening. So much so that it genuinely resulted in me motivating myself for change. 

Long term readers may remember it was ten years ago on this exact day that I decided I was going to get back in shape, and the ‘quest for my waist' began. 

I hadn’t been through menopause back then, so I suspect my results a decade later will take an altered approach, not to mention considerably more work. 

As a goal-oriented person, I knew I would need a way to focus. So, my personal target is to wear this wee ditty around the pool, for my birthday trip to Las Vegas in April.

These beautiful colours were last worn by me in Miami in 2018.
 I am truly hoping to end our five year hiatus!
TAKEN: JANUARY 4th, 2023

Now before you start rolling your eyes, know that I am not doing this out of vanity. 

Rather you should know that I am truly uncomfortable in my skin and need to make a change. Purging my clothes just gave me the motivation I needed. This over weight just simply must go!

...Now, I’m not talking 200 pounds. 

I am looking to lose the extra twenty pounds that have slowly crept back and are comfortably squatting on the midsection of my body. No matter what I do, those suckers seem to want to stay indefinitely. 

I'm not joking. They are stuck to me as comfortably as Jeffrey Dahmer was living in his grandmothers' basement,  and today I decided that was no longer an option.

How serious am I? 

When I finished my chores, I hung her up in my dressing room next to my mirror, where I will see here every time I enter the room to get dressed. As extra reinforcement, I have taped a picture of her on the front of the fridge. 

Oh, and just to be clear. This isn't a 2023 resolution. It is a much needed personal solution using a colourful (albeit memorable) two piece object as a healthy reminder of my task at hand. 

Wish me luck!

REMEMBERING 2022

I don’t know about you, but I am happy to shut the door on the past year and look to the coming year with a genuine amount of hope and sincere optimism. 

Personally, it has felt like I have been in mourning for the majority of the year. I didn’t write nearly as much as I had hoped because my heart was absolutely aching with both hurt and despair. Trust me, in spite of my mantra, it hasn't been something I would ever be able to laugh about.

Professionally, after taking the last three months of 2022 off to help my husband heal from a life saving surgery, I started the year with a new career challenge that has proven to be an excellent move for me. As I look toward retirement, I love that I am mentoring and team building with an amazing group of young, very upwardly mobile, professionals. 

With the past year in the rearview, I have great hope for 2023. All the best in the coming year everyone. Cheers, and thanks once again for reading. 

~ Rhondi

PS: For the first time, for my annual 'remembering' post, as I reminisce electronically, you can click links to journal offerings that you may have missed.

PSS: Enjoy!

Most significant moment (centre): The sudden passing of my closest friend and confidant, Brian ‘Smartie’ Smart. Who left us Easter weekend 2022. I am truly heartbroken, and the loss of his presence will be missed forever.

January: A snapshot from the desk of my new job. A refreshing challenge I have loved, to which I said to my boss on our last conversation before the holiday break, "look what you and I have accomplished in our first year. I can't wait to see where we land after our second!" 

(Link: Leapin' Life Balance)

February: Knowing my wonderful Puddin' was living on borrowed time, my husband and I spent Family Day (aka: Family Furbaby Day) at the cottage with 'The Oreo Gang' . It was the beginning of the end of an era. 

(Link: The Oreo Gang)

March: As the carpool picked up Goob to head to work in Port Cariling, the glow of the sunrise lit up the car. I got out of the car to capture this moment. We enjoyed a beautiful month of March.

April: For the first time since November 2019 we were able to travel. We flew into Miami then took a roadtrip to Key West. Smartie called me to wish me a Happy Birthday, and made me promise to go to the Hemmingway house, which I did the very next day. We talked for an hour, said our always call ending 'I love you and I love you too'. He was dead a week later. 

(Link: S is for Smartie)

May: The month saw the beginning of house as well as cottage renovations. Both took until the end of November to complete. Much more to do in 2023.

June: My beautiful Puddin' succumbed to her cancer. She was my very best furbaby friend. Our Annie was so affected by the loss that we had to stop saying her name. My life just isn't the same without her.

July: I surprised my husband with a road trip to the town of Bethel (where the Woodstock Festival was held in 1969) and then through the Catskill Mountains to the town of Woodstock New York for his birthday. For music lovers like us, it was both a moving and Bucket List experience.

August: We had a heat wave that was crazy off the charts producing extreme heat warnings. It was so hot, that we were in the water more than out. We felt like kids again! 

(Link: My Happy Hat)

September: They say everything comes in threes, and I had three that were major for me personally. First Smartie, then Puddin', then lastly my beautiful Auntie Cai. I credit a lot of who I am today to her and her life guidance. I miss her very much and always will. 

(Link: In her memory ~ Sweet Dreams of Cairo)

October: Our third roadtrip had us take our pups on a more than two thousand mile round trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. We rented a house that slept twelve on the ocean that was perfect. If you've never been.... GO!

(Link: Outer Banks Paw Patrol)

November: Yours truly celebrated a personal milestone with the 11th Anniversary of my wee electronic journal. In hindsight, maybe I should have named it 'Silly Story Central!?!' #yagottalaughaboutit 

(Link: Eleven Years Young)

December: A photo just can't illustrate the amount of snowfall we received in Muskoka that began the evening of December 23rd. So much so, that the massive dumping felt like we should have been placed in a State of Emergency. The photo in my collage was day two of four that were brutal. 

Link: Our Great Neighbourhood)