A 9.5 FROM THE AMERICAN JUDGE

Last week I discovered a very good friend was unexpectedly going through a very tough patch. So, after texting back and forth all week, we hatched a plan to try and make her feel better. In the end, we decided to head out to Orilla Lake; enjoy a bonfire and ultimately howl at the moon.

Well, the good news is that once we arrived and got settled in we never went back outside. The bad news is that because we drained the pump last weekend, we had to draw our Saturday night dish water out of the lake. No big, that’s how things roll out there until we stop going in at Christmas. The difference being, at Christmas we fill all our buckets in the daylight (not after dark when there’s been a light sleet that’s super slicked the stairs and ramp to the dock). Suffice is to say, imagine my surprise when bucket in one hand and cellphone flashlight in the other, I slipped off the ramp and tumbled into the lake.

Getting water this morning via Toby's Rock...NOT the dock!
Taken: November 8th, 2015

Because it was black dark out and I wasn’t sure what I’d hit nor where I’d land, I relaxed and went into the water so I could get my bearings. Problem was, because I was so heavily clothed (and my bucket was filling fast) I wasn’t floating back up. 

When I finally did head to the surface, it was with a fully stretched arm reaching for the moon that was clenching my phone. THAT's what came out of the water first. 

As a person whom when given lemons always tries to make lemonade, I have a couple of important notables I'd like to report from the events of last night:

A) Since purchasing the cottage, I’ve never swan in November before, so that was a first.

B) I’ve never gone off any dock (at that time of night) wearing a stitch of clothing ever; yet another first.

AND...

C) Using international judging rules, the American judge gave me a 9.5 for my dive.

Not a bad score I suppose. Though when I filed an appeal this morn and questioned why I wasn’t awarded the 10 I felt I deserved... The bitch told me it was because my arm was bent when my cell phone came out of the water and that my reach for the moon was lacking the proper creative emotion. 

I guess I should be thankful for the mark and be glad they didn't hear my language. That shit was full of emotion and the one thing I didn't need last night was to be disqualified for unsportsmanlike conduct. 

Peeps.... Ya Gotta Laugh About It!

ONE FOR THE RECORD BOOKS!

Like most seasonally challenged people, I totally land on my ass after I "fall back" for the reprehensible time change that's just happened. Just as my doctor ordered, I'd  pre-planned to soothe my severe deep buttocks bruising, with a trip to Cabo San Lucas at the end of the month.

So, with my e-tickets in hand, you can imagine my surprise to once again discover Mother Nature off her meds. Feeling very blessed at her misfortune, all I'll say is that I gladly threw her absentee pharmacist a c-note and called it a win. Why am I feeling so generous? She’s unexpectedly delivered me a much appreciated Indian summer.

Just a sleeveless Tee, light blazer ... and a 7am smile.
TAKEN: NOVEMBER 2nd, 2015

Not going to lie, it almost borders on bizarre. All week long I've walked to meet the Sweenymiester (a tad before 7am) in some amazing morning light.

With a skip in my step I was in shock that Tuesday morning I was kept warm by only a sleeveless t-shirt, light blazer, and a smile.

No coat, no gloves but most exciting of all, there was no need for an umbrella, nor a pair of snowpants. Crazier than my wardrobe share is the fact that we've had the air conditioning on at work. This week has definitely been a true (gal off her meds) gift!

Calling this HELL YA out to Mother Nature, reminds me that I used to faithfully read a blogger that said she was winding down her blog because she refused to talk about the weather. I was sad to see her stop but at the end of the day, when you keep an electronic journal like mine, you begin to fully understand that at times like these, the weather pulls more strings in your life than you'd like to admit. I'll admit it, I need the light and it's nice to see Mums au Natural play nice with me for once.

Let's face it, at the end of the post, my question has to be... Who is the only woman most perceive to be a bigger bitch than me? ...Mother Nature.

With a close second going to a couple of gals I went to High School with. Just sayin'.

MY NIGHT BEFORE NOVEMBER

Well, Mother Nature was kind enough to allow me to spend yet another Saturday night at the cottage. I’d had a pretty busy and emotional week, so I was both grateful and excited that with everything I had on the go, things didn’t freeze.

I was going to go in yesterday morning and just shut off the water but the forecast called for a mild rain mid-afternoon so I decided to head in with the intent that I’d be hunkered down inside rather than closing it down. Going in with a plan to keep me busy, I knew there was a kick ass jigsaw puzzle I wanted to sink my teeth into but when I was in the grocery store I decided that the pups and I would carve a pumpkin.

As you can imagine, leaving it so late, my selection was limited. Compounding that, I didn't want to hall a thirty pounder down my 55 stairs, so there was really only one option left. As I picked her up and loaded the bit of a thing into my cart, I was excited about my night before November investment of exactly $1.50.

I hadn't carved a pumpkin for Halloween since 2009... I really did enjoy doing it again.
TAKEN: OCTOBER 31st, 2015

I’ve never spent Halloween night at the cottage before. I wasn’t scared, rather more excited that I could still venture in and be cozy. The wind and rain howled and woke me in the early hours of the morn but I just popped in a movie and waited out the storm.

As I do every year, I hate the thought of closing it. Not because I don’t have other activities to keep me busy but because I feel a real sense of peace when I’m there. So, as I promised myself, I got up this morning and drained the hot water tank, drained the water pump, put plumber's antifreeze in the traps and hauled the intake pipes out of the lake. 

I'm not saying I won't return before the year is over, just resigned myself to the fact that as of last night, the 2016 cottage season is officially over.

For those of you that truly know me, you know I did it kicking and definitely screaming!

BACARDI ISLAND & COKE

It truly is the simple things.
....Like drinkin' an ice cold coke outta the bottle!
TAKEN: Barcardi Island ~ APRIL 2015

I was emailing back and forth with my buddy Marcus all week. He’s always been an amazing sounding board and as expected, he's encouraged me NOT to curl up in a ball in the hall closet, rather keep dealing with my SAD (seasonal affective disorder) head on. 

As I try to cope with the dastardly time change that hits tomorrow morning, I am focusing on staying in a good mind space until I leave on my November trip. Sitting here typing, I can't help but reflect on how therapeutic getting away this time last year really was for me.

Reinvigorated with vitamin D from that trip, I rolled right into a perfect green Christmas at the cottage, which sparked the decision to wait until my birthday to travel for my next burst of sunlight. The sad part about making that decision, was that in those months that lapsed, so many things in my life changed.

That said, I  refuse to blame those things on why my Birthday trip went south; but I will admit that I believe it was one of bazillion contributing factors. So, in the spirit of good blogging, last weekend (yet again) I went through the hundreds of pics I took last April.

Just like they have every other time, I feel they tell my story. It was a terrible trip for me.

Glass half full? If there’s one thing that I’ve learned since I started this electronic journey in 2011... it's to never say never. I embrace every inch of the good and push through every bit of the bad. I guess you can say that also apply that philosophy to my travel experiences.

After a really rough first trip to Negril Jamaica in 2012 (with regards to my mid-life crisis, NOT the destination) I swore I’d never return to the island. Why is that the perfect example? Because 24 months later I had a great experience in Runaway Bay; and at this point in time, it's looking like she’s shortlisted for a three-peat visit winter of 2016!

So, as I sit here illuminated by my happy light this morn, I will just write and go on record that I’ll never say that I’ll never to a return to Samana DR. What I will say, is that if/when I return, I'll think I'd like to stay on the luxury Gran Bahia resort located directly on Bacardi Island.

Not just because I like to sip a rum and coke (and it's named after my favourite brand of spirits) but because my thought process is why only visit an amazing place for a day... When you can stay a week basking in the brightest travel experience you have stored in your memory bank, from a not so stellar vacation...

EXACTLY!

NOW SCREENING ~ TOTALLY BITCHY!

Okay, so as you know, I blogged last night about my all day junk food marathon this past Saturday and the fact that I definitely paid for that sin yesterday. Well, it seems that not enough penance had been paid forward, because 'big fat hairy bitch Rhondi' boiled over the sides of that thar cauldron and seeped out of my pores yet again today.

My private backyard 'screening' yesterday.....
TAKEN: OCTOBER 25th, 2015

Relax, I wasn't unbearable or rude; simply a just a tad cheerful and extremely quiet. I was so bitchy today that even a bright spark of light (as captured through my my screen door yesterday) didn't help my disposition this eve.

The hard truth is that I knew last night what kind of a day I was going to have today based on a brief conversation I had late yesterday afternoon. That shitty conversation, combined with our blinding full moon last night's, turned me into a totally bitchy bitchin' blogger!

Trust me, I hate feeling this way more than you reading about it; but I seem to be stuck.

As a result, I am feeling so friggin' miserable, that I fear that even if you tied pork chops around my ears, the dogs wouldn't play with me. Hell. I was so short with Twos this morn that I never heard back from him and I had to send an apology email this afternoon. Yup, I had to apologize to my BEB (best email buddy) because I hadn't emailed all weekend. I had to email and explain it was because I am a HUGE bitch and I'd been chewing on a large bag of spiral nails the last 48 hours.

His email response was perfect. "No wonder you had a bad weekend," he wrote. 

"Those nails didn't have enough bite to satisfy you. They clearly weren't galvanized!" 

Do I have the best friends or what?!

BITCHES OVER BRUSSELS SPROUTS

Sometimes, the best laid plans never work out the way they're supposed to. As you can imagine, I’d had a couple of options for spending this past weekend but at the end of it all, I figured the right thing to do was to hunker down and close the cottage. Well, yesterday it poured rain here all day, so I ended up lounging in some very ugly jammies, eating junk food and watching the boob tube for 99.9% of the day.

I have no idea why I am making it sound like I am the least bit surprised. Every fall there’s always an adjustment when we move home from the cottage. Anyway, as I was curled up in my chair all day yesterday, I couldn’t help but notice how the “art of squirreling” has been refined at the house this fall. Adding another dog to the mix makes the anticipation of a visit and the actual act of being on high alert much more entertaining. As Dot winds down, it feels like Annie is working overtime to pick up the slack. It’s really very interesting to watch the family of three that we have living in our trees, tease three pups we keep living in our home. 

I realize that this is Dot’s last hurrah. Matter a fact, I am grateful that I snapped this pic of the three of them watching their squirrel friends on the trees right outside the window. As you can see, the timing of my picture was perfect.

Larry, Mo & Curly... I mean Dot, Annie & Puddin'
TAKEN: OCTOBER 24th, 2015

Why? Because the rest of the day, Puddin’ just sat there staring at me wondering when my four time an hour encore (every fifteen minutes like clockwork) of chips and dip would yet again appear. Sad part about that statement is that we took a big chunk out of a strawberry-rubarb pie and tub of vanilla ice cream too. Isn't it odd junk food gives us that false jolt from funk to fab?!

As the four of us girlz spent today bloated and cranky, I find it amazing how my funk/false fab yesterday was the perfect segue for my Facebook blog page post earlier today. It read: I put my scale in the bathroom corner today… and that’s where that bitch will stay until she apologizes!

What can I say...Yesterday, for the first time in a very long time, us four bitches definitely did NOT unconditionally choose a salad!

...Ya Gotta Laugh About It

MY FINAL FALL FLAMES

As you know, I’ve been clearing behind the cottage all summer (& into the fall) one pulled muscle at a time. As expected, it’s been a very long and physically daunting task but as of last night, I’ve officially gotten my project to a place I'm actually happy with.

The good news is that everything that was going to get cut this season was down and moved a couple of weeks ago. The bad news was that burning of all those remnants of brush, saw little end in sight. With the core goal of cleaning that mess in mind, I landed with the pups around noon with a plan. A plan to just keep my head down and the fire stoked until my last muscle was pulled and the great big clutter of crap was gone. Though it started to snow shortly after 1pm, it made not matter. In fact, the odd burst of white precipitation and radio blaring made for great company.

Pleased to report that it snowed for the first time this fall at exactly 1:12pm yesterday!
TAKEN: OCTOBER 17th, 2015

As I maneuvered around my fire yesterday there was lots of time to think. As a result, here’s today’s question… When you look inward at yourself, is there anything your grateful for? 

For example, I am proud at how I’ve raised my children, happy that I have made a comfortable living over the years; but most of all I am grateful that I’ve never been lazy. After all, the only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

At the end of the season, I’m glad my little cottage project was something I decided to work away at on my own. I was telling my BEF (best electronic friend) this morning that I can see physical changes in my body from all my hard work but it’s more than that. As a goal oriented person, the results speak for themselves.

I guess the bottom line is that I had a vision and I knew it would take a hell of a lot of work to see it accomplished. The added bonus is that I am going to look really good in my bikini next month in Mexico.

A win, win, win, win, win, win for little ole me....Wouldn’t ya say?!

It may not look like much but it was a hell of a lot of hard work!
(...As I proudly blogged about my first phase in July.)
TAKEN: July 21st & October 18th, 2015

I’M OFFICIALLY SPENT!

What a weekend. Though I had the luxury of spending the majority of Saturday with my daughter, I definitely paid for it by trying to cram three days of cumbersome fall house chores into two. I have aches on top of aches and they aren’t what I consider a “good hurt”. I’m not sure if I remember the euphoric kind if pain I’m alluding to that usually follows really great sex; but trust me, these aches ain’t them.

Yesterday was spent inside, cleaning and purging. From moving furniture, to vacuuming the corners of ceilings, to sorting through a boat load of closet crap I no longer need. If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s a pack rat. This time last year, I told myself that I would hang onto certain items of clothing until I hit a certain goal size. Well, I’ve hit that goal and all I could do was laugh as I crammed specific residual frocks into garbage bags for donation. Why? Because the I have no idea why I was holding onto the stuff. They was some dat mo-fo ugly kinda stuff!

Anyway, after a Jays win last night, I went to bed early and switched the focus to outside chores today. With my man working his list of things to do, I was really hoping that this would be the last time I'd have to mow the lawn this season but you never know. It’s 22C here today, so I just may need to pull out my bad boy Lawnboy one more time before my snow scoop replaces it and my closest yard work confidant.

I swear we're the only household on our street that doesn't have someone else do their yard work!
TAKEN: OCTOBER 12th, 2015

Speaking of my snow scoop. When I finished the mowing the main part of the lawn, I couldn’t help but notice that we were the only house that was suffering extreme foliage spillage onto the street, so I decided to rake. Though it was still raining leaves as I tackled the task, the good news is that I grabbed my snow scoop and shoveled the suckers into submission. Like I said, I’m spent.

As I sit here in a near comatose state, squinting at the screen, I have no desire to prepare dinner. With the twins engaged elsewhere for dinner and Jukebox working at his computer, I’m contemplating what to prepare. At this juncture, a bowl of Fruit Loops and an ice cream sandwich for dessert seem mighty inviting.

Then again, I’m not sure that I will be able to lift the cereal spoon to my mouth without wincing; so three ice cream sandwiches into the blender it is!

Uh-Oh, where's my straw? Come on.... Has anyone seen my straw?!

THE WALK OF LIFE

As I sip my coffee in my jammies I find it hard to believe that it’s Thanksgiving weekend already. It seems like only a minute and a half ago I was frolicking with the pups in the snow to celebrate Family Day last February. Where the hell has the time gone? For a vast number of reasons, I feel like the 'walk of life' has become a slow jog and Dire Straits is nowhere to be found. Then again, I suppose that's how everyone reading feels about life in general.

A beautiful 2014 fall morning at the cottage.
TAKEN: OCTOBER 11th, 2014

As I looked through my photos this morn of where I was at this time last year, I realized that I was still living full-time at the cottage. Working hard and determine to stay put until at least Thanksgiving (which was a challenge but in the end it was accomplished).

As I admire this picture I snapped exactly one year ago today, like the leaves, I just can’t believe how many elements of my life have changed. All for the good, because for the first time in over a decade, I feel my life has a solid balance.

That may read like a big bag of hokcum but it's true. After my dad passed in 2005 the direction of my life slowly shifted and changed. Some areas for the good and some for the bad. The only way I can describe it is that it felt like I was frantically jumping from one side of the beamscale to the other in search of harmony. Almost like a decade long teeter totter ride enjoyed alone. Wait, enjoyed is the wrong word, because it's been a hell of a lot of hard work and a very long journey!

All of that said, I have so much and so many to be grateful for this year. As I head upstairs to change over my seasonal clothing to prepare for what Mother Nature is sending my way (and I scramble to find where I've hidden my tights, dress socks, mitts & muffs) I have to admit that I'm feeling truly blessed. Grateful for my health and appreciative for the love and friendships I am surrounded by every single day.

Just so we're clear. The turkey that's sitting in the sink upstairs aligns more on the acquaintance side of things per say. Not that having the odd acquaintance for dinner is a bad thing. An acquaintance just tends not to hang around as long as true friends or family. In this instance, the dude in the sink won't be hanging around for dessert!

From  my home to yours... Keep smiling and Happy Thanksgiving everyone.