We Go Together Like Peas & Carrots

Have you ever had one of those days when you felt totally alone and wondered if there was anyone out there in this vicious circle called life that you could call? Someone that you could say “I just need you to listen for a while" and they would? 

Not because they were being polite, but because you instantly knew by the sound of their voice they needed you? That person for me is my cousin Joanne.

Celebrating Joanne's BIG Day!
Taken: October 1994

Growing up I had 49 first cousins on my mother’s side. Yup. my Mom had seven sisters and four brothers. 

They were a tightly knit clan but my most vivid memory (of the sisters in particular) was that they lived to argue and fight.

That said, I am embarrassed to admit Jo's and my mom always won the prize. They could sit across from one another at a dining table, with their boxing gloves laced up, and everyone would think it was a normal dinner party. I’m not joking. In four descriptive words; IT GOT LOUD FAST!

As a result, growing up she and I never focused on the negative energy that constantly filled the air. From a very young age she (just like me) tried to look at her glass as half full. Surrounded by the dysfunction, our bond was always one of positive energy and support. How we pushed through that time has given us both amazing insight. Just like me, she believed it critical that the overall cycle stop.

Glass half full? When I think back at our childhood chemistry it was pretty amazing considering we lived our formative years 100 miles apart. Made no matter, we knew we were kindred from the start. 

She & Me?
Peas & Carrots!
Taken: Easter 1979

We'd write letters, exchanges photos, and eventually I lived my summers with her and figure skated in North Bay. We were inseparable. We were perfect together. Most of all we always had fun.

All these years later; we live in the same town, we married best friends, and we both have three children. Every morning we get out of bed, and we deal with the hand we've been dealt. 

I've had challenges she hasn't and vice versa but I still think of us right this instant as I did all those years ago; two really cool rock stars that could rule the world!

After texting last night, I just want to remind her that no matter what comes her way (in the next 10 minutes or the next 10 years) we are always strongest as a team.

That and OH... I love her very much.

Does Anyone Else Have "Friend" Lanes?

I have been melancholy for a few weeks now. A little under the weather but never felt the need to discuss it because I figured it would pass. I’m not depressed or blue, just perhaps a tad disappointed. Looking closely at all of my lanes, there are only two people in my entire life that know exactly what the hell I mean.

Am I alone, or have any of you ever had “Friend" lanes? You know; friends that you slot into specific lanes so they never venture into certain areas of the rest of your life? 

Someone needs you to make them feel better, so you never share negativity. Someone you know have a similar marriage, so you share recipes. Someone's in the same line of work, so you always talk shop. All of the above are valuable friendships to me, they just tend to never become unconditional on every single level.

Right or wrong, when it comes to that area of my life, I’ve always held certain cards very close to my chest. In fact, the person I feel everyone knows, see me as rather one dimensional and genuinely  predicable. Very few truly know me. That’s just a fact.

I had a really great day. How about you?

My point? Today I did something kinda brave. I wasn't using cymbals or anything but it was brave just the same. 

Unexpectedly, a friend properly signaled asking permission to change their 'friend lane' & I let them.

I trust this person implicitly but we've always just shared the type of friendship that simply enjoyed the others sense of sarcasm and fun. You know the lane; they see all the good and never the bad. They get the laughter, the humour, the camaraderie  but never a single moment of bitching or negativity. 

To their credit; they'd been sensing something was wrong for quite a while, and today they finally opened our door. “Why were you upset?” they asked. After I refrained from answering they said “It's no big deal. Shit happens. Spill the beans. It can’t be a that bad…” Just like that they reached out;  I was not only shocked, I was touched.

Though we talked of many things out of the norm today, I never did share my true disappointment with them. Why? It's been my personal experience that if you dwell on something that's disappointing you, it just hangs around longer than you want it to. Kinda like an expensive ill fitting bra or an extremely bad hair colour episode.

That said, I am so glad I was brave today. I didn’t have to run as hard as I could in the opposite direction as my picture suggests; I just simply closed the book at my page marked “disappointment” and opened up YouTube.

My first search? Cymbal playing penguins and sleeping Polar Bears.

Because life is very short, and you can never get your proper fill of cymbal playing penguins :)

...EVER! 

Walking In A Winter Wonderland

This morning my walk to meet Robbie K was in perfect weather. Tonight on the other hand, my walk home was a really cold one (and not in the 'ice cold Bud Light' sense). I honestly didn’t mind the wind chill, it was tolerable. Probably because my music was great, and my disposition even better. That’s half the battle right?

I do love winter. Especially now that I don’t have to walk to work in the dark and arrive home in the dark. I know from sheer experience that the best part of the season is yet to come. 

In getting in shape, I use to walk because I needed to. Now that I am fit, I walk because I want to. I enjoy those thirteen minutes in the morning that ultimately get me ready for my day. Matter a fact; I like those thirteen minutes almost as much as the same ones heading home. They help me to process the work day I have just had. 

Snowshoeing the 18 holes at South Muskoka last winter.
I WILL Walk 500 Miles...
Wait... Isn't that a song? Figures!
Taken: Family Day 2012

Again, not that I go to work expecting a bad day, because for the most part I really do love my job. It's just that for whatever reason, I'd temporarily lost my bearings. I do know why, yet some realities are always harder to process than others. To quote Winston Churchill... “If you’re going through Hell   KEEP GOING..." so I did. 

Biggest Surprise?

For the first time in my life, I didn’t push away the people that wanted to unconditionally support me. (Nor did I lash out against the any number of easy targets I have in my day to day life.) Instead, I compartmentalized my feelings to a place where unicorns prance about, and there really is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. 

NO, I wasn't taking quaaludes. I pushed through it dumbass!

Why the pushing? Once again, I found myself moving through the stages of grief; this time, for whatever reason, my glass was half full. I finally understood that the process would eventually end. It would end and everything would be okay. Walking home tonight, I knew I was going to be OK! 

You have no idea how great it feels to type that simple statement... I think I need to go for a walk. Wanna come?