THE COMFORT OF BEING ALONE…

Well it looks like my ability to live at Orillia Lake this summer is going to be pretty much non-existent. Though I'm disappointed, I’m okay with it. You see, this time last year I was on a mission. One which was truly difficult to finish yet I’m glad I hung in there and stuck it out. What I know a year later is, that living at the cottage kept me extremely focused on what I was hell bent and fiercely determine to accomplish.

I suppose you could say that it’s the fulfillment of those accomplishments that have me hovering really close to home this summer; having said that, I have slowly realized that something is amiss. For varying reasons, I am struggling to fit in socially. I think after a solid year of being completely and totally anti-social, I’ve discovered I have turned into a bit of a loner. Could it be that my extroversion has moved inward? Like any belly button, could my outtie have done a total 180 in the last year and become an innie?

DOT chillaxin'... Alone in the rain
TAKEN: MAY 16th, 2015

I’m not kidding. My mind most easily justifies my conundrum by equating it to Dottie's behaviour with the other neighbouring dogs on the lake.

While five or six of them run the trail and shore for hours on end, Dot's usually off all by her lonely and extremely content. Now, granted, I’d usually be curled up with a book or movie, while she’s going tree trunk to tree trunk looking for squirrels, I think you get my point. We both find a solid comfort in being alone.

In 2013, 95% of my time was spent face to face with other people. In 2014, 95% of my time was spent alone with a couple of computers and a couple of dogs. Reflections aside, I'm confident that 2015 will somehow be a balance of both years previous. As you know, I've added another pup to the brood, so I'm thinking I may need to seek some outside council on my re-entry into the real world.

First and foremost I suspect it should be from someone that lives for words other than stick, boat, treat & squirrel. Oh, and I'm thinking I may also need a makeover.

Simply because those girlz have been barking some pretty radical hair tips at me lately!

GOTTA JUST RIP THE BAND-AID OFF!

It’s that time of year again, when the end of day rolls around and you discover that you haven’t eaten any lunch. Though I was lucky enough to slip away mid afternoon for a cup of coffee with a friend, after a great conversation, I once again found clarity that some things are better tackled like quickly pulling off a Band-Aid. I guess for me, once that specific decision is made, swift n' quick seems much more effective than pulling each individual hair out of your arm over a three day period. For what it’s worth, let’s just call me an efficient thinker and move on.

DOINK... WAS THE NOISE MADE WHEN I HIT MY HEAD!
TAKEN: MAY 9th, 2015

Sitting here typing away, I don’t know why I find certain things so much harder to process than others. For a gal with a good lot of common sense, I can be pretty friggin' stupid. 

Look at my pic. Can you see the ladder? Because on a day like today I simply couldn’t see it staring me in the face until I hit my head against it. Guess a good knock on the head offers most people some level of clarity: right?

Who the hell am I kidding? I knew it was there, I knew it could ultimately be there for me and helpful, yet I just couldn’t see it. I guess if I were being honest, more importantly, I'll admit I didn’t want to see it. Because at the end of the day, I have some serious trust issues.

This time last year I had a colleague in Business totally screw me over. Took my work, pawned it off as their own and then didn’t pay me what they say they would. Actually, kept my money for their own gain. The bigger part was that instead of correcting their wrong, they continually asked for my forgiveness, claiming they didn’t know any better. They'd known first hand what I'd been through, yet still chose to use me for their gain and came back to the pump for forgiveness and I expect more of my knowledge.

I guess if there is a moral to my story is to always listen to the signs. Know who the players are, and if you’re told you aren't one, believe it and get something in writing. Don’t invest your time and energy on anything that in the end is only destine to crash and burn and leave you bitter.

Speaking of burning, thank goodness for the smoke detectors.

'Cause of my rambling... Dinner was a tad crispy tonight!

FRESH COLOUR... FRESH START!

Well, as you know my daughter relocated home a few weeks ago.

Like any rush and pack move, things ultimately got left behind. Actually, when you’re moving cross country via West Jet, you have little wiggle room and choices have to be made. The upside to that was that she choose to leave things behind this time last year, yet nothing was disposed of. It felt good to have her head on a road trip with her buddy Becca and I could pull a kick ass pair of her sandals out of my closet. They’d accompanied me to the Caribbean a couple of times but other than that were simply awaiting her return.

My point isn't about the sandals, rather that I can’t begin to describe the change in her disposition since she's left her painful drama behind. Out of respect for what she’s been through, we’ve made a conscious effort not to discuss her decisions; instead, we’ve just offered quiet support. In time, if she wants to discuss her feelings she will. In my opinion, what's happened is in the past and not the direction she's going. Only she can expand on that.

Dad & I watching Kim doing her THANG!
TAKEN: MAY 11th, 2015

After spending a very quiet Mother’s Day together, I sent her a text her today to meet me downtown. Unbeknownst to her we walked to our hair salon to get her a new do. Gone are the dark sullen hues she arrived with and in arrived a soft shade of auburn. Her bright new colour matches her new found disposition perfectly.

As she re-establishes her bearings and continues to grow, there’s one thing I know for sure. It’s great to hear her laugh... not to mention getting to witness her normal sibling shit disturbing.

It isn't because it’s mischievous, rather she knows it keeps all of us laughing. Not gonna lie, there’s a twinkle in her eye when she knows she has the upper hand and I love it. Words can’t describe how much I've missed her fun side.

Momma’s piece of Staccs advice #25,475? 

Life’s too short to let the glass half empty win!

JUST WEED YOUR GARDEN ALREADY!

There are three sure signs that the Lakes are open in Muskoka...

I no longer wear socks, the trilliums in my backyard are in bloom, and I can clock when certain Business folks tug the string on the little tin can I hold up to my ear. They know who they are and they tug with confidence because they know I'll talk them in off the proverbial ledge they've ultimately talked themselves onto! 

WOOHOO... TRILLIUMS = NO SOCKS UNTIL OCTOBER!
TAKEN: MAY 8th, 2015

Keeping that last thought on the table, let's backup to my lovely trilliums.

Though I don't tend my wild flowers (because they're exactly that) I do have somewhat of a green thumb. I love digging into the soil, getting my hands mucky, & building something. Not only that, I have always found it intriguing to watch all the elements work together as a Team for an amazing result.

A little rain, a little sun, a little TLC from yours truly: all very important elements to the success of any growth cycle. Gardens, just like good people, need to be nurtured and ultimately supported. Any garden (no matter how much you love it) when ignored and left unattended, will face some extremely predictable seasonal challenges. 

Hopefully, most reading will correlate the weeds in any garden to the total idiots that gather around a water cooler and decimate solid coworker moral. They are what I consider to be the heartiest weed; borderline poisonous but no matter how much danger they pose, still permitted to freely inhabit the garden. So much so, that one would almost think that the gardener has an innate fear to pull them out and remove them by their roots. 

Just remember, doing the same thing and expecting different results is futile and a waste of good energy. Those weeds will always be a nuscience and your garden will forever suffer until they are dealt with. Glass half full? A freshly weeded garden may appear a tad sparse at first.... Yet it ultimately thrives in the end.

Just offering my two cents and a caveat that I will give change if need be!