Reality, What a Concept! ~Robin Williams

The last couple of days I have been asking myself “am I honestly being realistic?” Not specifically with one aspect of my life but a number of things; my job, my family as well as my personal happiness.

I consider myself a pretty well rounded chick, for some time now I’ve touted that I am eternally optimistic yet cautiously realistic. But for some strange reason lately, I just seem to be setting myself up for insurmountable disappointment. You know the kind, when you burn your hand using the barbeque and the very next night you do the same thing hoping for a different result? That’s describes me to a tee the last few weeks. Guess my mantra should really read eternally optimistic yet perpetually unrealistic!

Life is a journey, I get that. (Lord knows I’ve read enough Facebook status updates to surmise it must be pure fact.) But why is it that I feel like I have been travelling down a questionable path? I know what the result will be. Realistically, I want to hesitate, yet the journey has me so intrigued I stay engaged.  More often than not, I tend to glorify the passage only to be disappointed when the alarm clock rings and I am given a much needed reality check.

All of that said, since I moved out to the cottage, I have continued asking myself some very tough questions.  As a result, I have cleared a lot of the bothersome cobwebs. (I must admit it feels amazing to rid the clutter.) It feels so good, that I picked up the phone Thursday afternoon and called the exterminator to finish the job!

Not quite sure why I am feeling a little funky this Saturday morn. Sad to report that confusion finds me more often than not. Am I feeling pessimistic or am I feeling optimistic?

With a roller coaster week behind me, on this sunny Saturday in Muskoka, let's go this route. Some say "their glass is half empty", some say "their glass is half full," I say"Ya gonna drink that?!?!"

HENS I’m pouring. Pouring all afternoon on the dock. Get the heck over here pronto!

Can Both The Question & Answer Be Why?

I like to think of myself as an easygoing gal. Fifteen years ago, maybe not so much, but as the children matured and juggling home and a career became easier, so did my demeanour.

Let me rephrase. It’s not that I wasn’t easy going back then, I was just a little more intense about life in general.  In a nutshell, if provoked, (the kids will attest that) it could quickly get loud. Now days, about as loud as I get is typing in ALL CAPS with my Yahoo email account because you’ve either called me “Ma’am” or perhaps picked an inopportune time to remind me that you “don’t yell”.

I haven’t talked about this much, but my nest emptying was much more difficult than I could have ever imagined. It changed me. It changed my outlook on life and the direction I wanted (as well as no longer wanted) to move in.  It’s been a very trying time for me but one of self discovery.

Enjoying this past Canada Day weekend I began to replay where I was on my personal journey last fall. The thought of October 2011 still haunts me and exactly how dark I was feeling. November had me telling myself to smarten up and by December I had made some very personal choices.

As the months passed, and I rang in 2012, new friendships were made. As a result, each passing month my mood improved. Like anything in life there’s ebb and flow, but for the most part my rediscovery of myself came slowly and without fanfare.

I’m not exactly sure why I am feeling reflective today. That's a lie. I know exactly why. It’s because you never know why people, places, or things drift in and out of your life. It’s a matter of fact. It’s a matter of the life cycle in general. They just do. Having said all that, I also believe for a number of reasons some (both people and items) are meant to stay and I am sad to admit some others are not.

After a series of events over the course of this past weekend,  I suppose I was just second guessing....Why? This morning my answer became clear. 
Q: Why are some meant to stay and others are not? 

A: Doesn't matter why! Keep moving forward and don't look back!!

I'M BUSY NOW... Can I Ignore You Some Other Time?

I am pleased to announce that after a 70 hour work week, I am sitting in my home office, enjoying my "only day off ” cup of coffee. It’s raining outside, not to mention dreary, but the fact that I had a great night sleep makes my mood better than normal under the circumstance.

I had a crazy busy week. I had planned to head into the city last night (nice dinner with friends, see David for breakfast this morning) but it wasn't meant to be. Instead, I was summoned to the office, for a 'quick' Saturday morning meeting.

True to form, I had clients unexpectedly drive from Toronto to meet me and it was 2pm before I could say; “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to work every Saturday!?!” 

Actually, I didn’t say that. I just screamed it out loud as I left the parking lot. Okay, so I didn’t scream it aloud. I just typed it firmly now, which to me, is equally satisfying!

It makes me worry that friends, the cottage,  not to mentioned small details like my eyebrows have gone neglected . Holy cow they look awful! (Note to self – get eyebrows waxed Monday lunch...)  As I constantly  struggle to find time to schedule everything in that I want to accomplish, I can’t help but notice how much I’ve changed. 

To quote Popeye “I yam what I yam, and that's all that I yam.” I’ve always been direct and comfortable communicating with others. That’s said, 10-12 years ago, protective wife & mother of three children, at times my words could be as sharp as a razor blade, that cut you so quickly, you were bleeding out before you knew it.

The last five or six of years, I have learned to walk away and be more matter a fact about my emotions and how to express them.  Which is code for “I may not be as big a bitch as I use to be, but I know what I want, and if I don’t see it, or it doesn’t feel right, I’m gonna let you know”.

My message nowadays is delivered in a more peaceful tone, and without drawing blood. Truthfully, at this point in my life; I'll tend to ignore you, offering you zero energy, positive or negative, and move on.

I’m not sure why I have the audacity to have the confidence I do. I just have it. I am me and completely fine with me. I’m outgoing, loyal, and I love to laugh. For all the positive energy I exude, I know that I can also be quite critical and stubborn. As gasps of disbelief reach for miles and miles, both are traits I willingly admit.

YUP, I am the first to admit that I have my mother’s stubborn streak (which I intend on getting surgically removed at the end of the year). I hope it doesn’t hurt!

I Have Been Thinking About My Mom....

Sunday is Mother’s Day, and for whatever reason, it's a 'day' I've never looked forward to.

Not sure if it’s because my own mother passed before I was married and had children, or the fact that when my children were babies I use to ask my husband “what are you getting me for Mother’s Day” and his standard response was “nothing, you’re not my mother!”

All joking aside, I’ve been thinking about my mommy a lot lately.

Though she passed in 1987, I think she’d be proud of what I have accomplished, and proud of the woman I have become. Not just because of the success I have seen, but the person I am, and aspire to be. (Let's face it, she'd have her own opinion,  so I best aim for proud.)

My mom had me later in life and my siblings were much older. By the time I started Kindergarten, everything in her homemaker life instantly simplified, and I guess I was on the receiving end of that benefit.

Out of the gate, I 'd like to go on record with the fact that my sister Andrea (eight years my senior) paved the way for me. Man, she had it rough!

I’ll admit that it was very hard as a teen and young adult, to hear my sister continually utter the words “you got everything and I got nothing”. As hard as it is to admit, it was true. (It was like my mother revisited her youth through me.)

I remember my first waltz lesson, first day at the rink, first time on stage, and of course my first serious conversation about the game of Bridge.

Seeing all of Canada, coast to coast, before I graduated high school was the added bonus. (My pic was taken at Lake Louise in 1976.)

As a woman entering middle age, I do possess some of her character traits.

Without being disrespectful, there are specific traits, that I’ve spent my entire life, working each and every day, never to emulate. (Those of you that read this, and knew my mother when she was alive, know exactly what I mean.)

With my nest empty I’ll be thinking of my mom as I celebrate our day this Sunday.

I think I will wake up and watch Cary Grant in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 North By Northwest. I will sing really loud in the shower and play a great round of golf. And all the while, I’ll be thinking of her. 

Though she never did, I most certainly will, Carpe Diem.

What A Difference 20 Years Makes...

OK. After the night I just had, I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about it, so here goes.

Both my online and offline friends know that last night I was in the 26^th row to see Bryan Adams  celebrate the 20^th  anniversary of his  1992 Waking Up The Nation Tour. In four words, GLASS instantly half full!

I honestly remember the day this was taken
Taken: June 1983

Like most Canadian girls my age, I discovered Bryan Adams in my last year of high school, which is when my attached pic was taken (his Cut’s like a Knife album debuted in 1983).

Let me start by saying, to my mother’s credit, she seriously kept me under lock and key until my 18^th birthday. She kept me heavily involved in sports, the arts, music, as well as our church youth group. "Boys" at any level were never negotiable. 

Keeping all of that in mind, I remember I use to listen to my favorite album and imagine that I was in this 'dramatic' teen relationship.

I remember once I discovered the album, I use to sing certain songs of his, to my proverbial nonexistent suitor. (I am embarrassed to confess that there was always a hairbrush or curling iron involved, which served as a perfect microphone for extra effect.)

With a smile on my face I am pleased to admit that last night seriously took me back! It took me back to 149 Toronto St., a month before my high school graduation and a time I fondly remember. Life was simple. Life was good.

Last night, as I sang at the top of my lungs (without a curling iron in sight), I dialed my phone. As 20,000 people sang a cappella, I stretched my arm into the air so my BFF could share and hear all of us singing. 

On my way back to the hotel my phone rang. When I answered, all I heard was the person on the other end yell “I LOVE YOU BRYAN”… We both howled with laughter, but truth be told, he hit the nail right on the head!

(CLICK THIS LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ebtjgK8NNU and enjoy a live version of Straight from the Heart)