SNOW IT STARTS!

The frozen precipitation I deem a constant irritant and source of months of personal misery landed last week. Allow me to draw to your attention to exhibit 'A' below: my frustrating flakey foe. Stupid f*cking snow! 

My pretty pups posing with my frozen foe!
TAKEN: NOVEMBER 16th, 2020

Dirty chirps aside, like I do every autumn, I force myself to push through this horrible six weeks of time change purgatory, until the days begin to get longer and the UV rays reflect off our pristine white blanket in January. 

With my seasonal affective disorder at its most debilitating in November, I always spend time looking for positive distractions. This electronic journal helped me in the fall of 2011 and in post Thanksgiving time changes since, I have leaned on it more often than not. 

This year, with all that's happening you would think I would want to write more, yet my creative canvas appears completely blank. Therefore, if writing isn't going to be where I channel my energy,  I have resigned myself to the fact that I am going to need another outlet. 

With that in mind, three weeks ago I took a giant step and dug out and dusted off my trustworthy treadmill. It stands proud upstairs, looking out the big picture windows and I enthusiastically offer it social niceties multiple times a day. 

So far, I have yet to plug the power cord into the wall and take it for a spin. Guess its because I'm a firm believer you can't rush back into a physical relationship, when you've completely ignored its purpose for over five years; which is why this weekend I shifted my focused to the upcoming holiday season. 

With the kids grown and gone, there isn't near as much to look forward to as their use to be, yet I do my best to get into the spirit of things. Though I never ask for anything, I do love to gaze at my Christmas tree lights each night for the entire month of December, bringing specific enlightenment to my earlier attempt at a new energy absorbing distraction. 

You see, I put my newly dusted off old chum in the very same spot I always put the holiday Christmas tree that houses those 500+ beautiful LED lights I love. 

Knowing Christmas lights trump everything, I am feeling very grateful I only ever offered a cheerful good morning to my buddy, never hopping on with false intentions. 

Because I know now, that we would have just gotten back into a familiar rhythm, and I would have had to fold 'er up and move 'em to the cold garage, alone, until early January 2021.  Once again proving, the creative process and this silly electronic journal offer me the crystal clear clarity and self enabling justification I crave this time of year. 

Which leaves me hollering, yet again.... Pass the chocolate cake, spark another Hallmark movie, and deck the freaking halls! 

Oh, before I forget. Is there anyone around next weekend to help me move a treadmill?

#yagottalaughaboutit 

V IS FOR VIEWPOINT

So much has changed within the social media ring since 2013 when I began doing the A-Z Blogging Challenge. As I share my 203rd unique April word today, with just 4 letters to go, I would be remiss if I didn’t touch on the shift in online behavior.

Because anything posted here is essentially my viewpoint, I feel I need to be clear. I always welcome that yours can differ from mine. All I expect is maturity not mudslinging when discussing a valid point.  It’s as simple as that.

Lastly 99% of what I share on my Facebook Ya Gotta Laugh About It page, is essentially about the humour, not politics nor religion. 

Please, never lose sight of that!

#yagottalaughaboutit

V IS FOR VARIANT

My 2019 April A-Z Blogging Challenge posts will primarily consist of words & corresponding quotes.
(...With the odd opinionated electronic journal entry inserted to keep you on your toes.)

M IS FOR MARRIAGE

My 2019 April A-Z Blogging Challenge posts will primarily consist of words & corresponding quotes.

(...With the odd opinionated electronic journal entry inserted to keep you on your toes.)

WATER WAS DEFINITELY CHILLED

When I rose at 5am this morning, I immediately thought of my very good friend Sean. His standard joke for times when there was an extreme cold warning in effect was: ‘It was so cold outside this morning, that I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.’ The reason that little ditty makes me smile’s because he was a lawyer. Taken too soon, I truly miss him. May he forever rest in peace.

My point being, when I woke up this morning it was -44C outside with the windchill, so I ended up staying home. Not because I couldn’t have gone to work, rather because our home was built in the late 1980’s, we have water intake pipes that run along an outside wall inside the garage. 

Again, nothing life altering, except the last time I heated the garage for the weekend during a deep freeze, the three day hydro bill was 600 bucks. Suffice is to say, I don’t take home 600 beans a day and this sucker's here 'til at least Sunday; so I was unanimously elected to keep the ice water running for the day.

It’s been a brutal week. After my December infusion of vitamin D, I usually manage to hit the ground running in the new year. You know, when most of the gloom is gone and the snow is bright white. But because the weather's been so cold, the only exercise I have managed to get is shoveling the driveway twice. (Noting that exercise, combined with my light therapy, is key to me keeping my seasonal affective disorder in check.)

Oh, my stupid SAD. Now that I'm aware, it makes me so very conscious of my overall ability to be a big hairy bitch this time of year. I have to be so regimented about my routine it feels like I should have been cast in the movie Groundhog Day.

At this point, I am just constantly grinding my teeth for the first of February to arrive, then, it will be full steam ahead to spring. I don’t expect you to understand if you don’t suffer but it is absolutely maddening that I feel that I can't wake up. I am serious when I admit that I just want to hibernate and it has nothing to do with being depressed.

I read somewhere that people don’t notice if it’s winter or summer if they are happy. 

I call bullshit. I’m very happy, yet I have enough common sense to know that when the hair in my nose freezes instantly it’s winter, and when my brain freezes fast it’s definitely summer; and said freeze is usually caused by a gigantic serving of tiger tail ice cream.

Ah, now I’m craving junk food. I can’t win! At least my snow shoveling photo ROCKS!!

Glass half full... right?!

Who other than me likes to shovel snow? I know, I suck!
TAKEN: JANUARY 3rd, 2018

BIKINI BIRTHDAY BLOG!

Like most kids growing up, I went to a boatload of Birthday parties. The downside to my point was that my Mom didn’t necessarily believe in the whole Birthday Party scene. Because her claim to fame was that she could consistently make a dollar from a dime, I suspect it had something to do with the overall expense that had to be incurred. 

Actually, that's not entirely true. I do have several photos from my very fan-tab-u- lous seventh Birthday party she threw for me. I think every single girl in my class attended. I should clarify that it's not like she had some big plan to throw me that party, it was simply the first birthday that arrived after we’d moved to Town and I enthusiastically announced (at school) that I was having a party. It was the last one I ever had.

So, in an effort to experience something I never did, I've always over compensated when it came to my kids birthdays. Well, after much discussion and contemplation, I broke my piggy bank and gave myself a gift. I officially booked my 29th Birthday trip yesterday!

Unpacking my very colourful 'Blogging Suits' in La Romana...
TAKEN: NOVEMBER 16th, 2014

Happy we’re leaving on a jet plane & headed to the sunshine; while making dinner last night, the hard reality set in.

For the second time in as many years, I'll be away on vacation while participating the in annual A to Z Blogging Challenge.

The last time I had to juggle both events, I was on a road trip down the coast, so I could Blog at night after I took a hotel. This time will be very different. To throw a fly in the ointment, right in the middle of the trip it's my Birthday.

Because I absolutely and unequivocally hate surprises, I just did the math, and my Birthday day letter will be the letter "I". In 2013, I chose to my mothers name (INEZ) and in 2014, I chose the word IDEA. I am honest when I say that I don't try to pre-plan my posts but there's really only one word that immediately pops to mind for my 2015.

I'll be in the Caribbean, in a bikini, basking is the sun, swimming up to the bar and celebrating my 29th Birthday. What would be a more celebratory Birthday word for me to choose... than the word INEBRIATED?

You're absolutely right. INTOXICATED  may be an extremely viable word option as well!

MY FAVE FALL RIDE...

After blogging last night about being out here alone, once I posted, everything very quickly calmed down. So much so that I didn't have to stock the woodstove to sleep and when I got up for the day, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t need to spark it up then either. In a nutshell, today, unexpectedly, turned into an absolutely glorious day!

Puddin' soaking up the sun & enjoying the day!
TAKEN: OCTOBER 10th, 2014

I don’t know about you... But I have always loved the Fall. So, when I was thrown a very yummy weather nugget this morning, I decided to take full advantage of it.

To accommodate my already full schedule, I knew it would have to be a tit for tat day. Two very long ‘lists of things to do’ running parallel with both of them being worked at equally. I'd work on some SEO optimization, then packed excess clothing that has to head home. Spent an hour on a conference call, then went outside and raked the lower areas where I struggle to keep my footing on this anything but flat piece of land I am living on.

Part way through my second exercise, I was reminded, as I am every year, that I think I’m a bit of a freak. Just like shoveling snow, I really do love to rake. (As you can see by my pic, I had lots of help.) As the next thought grazed around in my mind, I couldn't help but chuckle with laughter.

Why? Well, you see, I have a very sexy rake. In a way, it’s very large tines (that fan so beautifully) remind me of the back of a really great convertible sports car. Seriously, as I was using it this morning, I had to admire it. Not only is it extremely stylish, it's much more practical for me this time of year.

PLUS... It's a thousand times sportier than the stinking all purpose corn broom I can usually be spotted riding around on the rest of the year!

HA!

N IS FOR NAUGHTY

How do you know your wife is dead? The sex is the same… but the dishes start to pile up!

All I can say is, it’s a good thing I have my dishwasher on a timer. My husband does them at the same time every night, so he won’t notice I’m gone for months! ….Ba-Dumb-Bum!

Seriously? I love to laugh and there's usually naughty sarcasm attached just for fun.

There's a small handful of people I've met that can keep up with my warped pace. So, it's not very often I'm caught off guard. Truth is, my husband has always been my best sparring partner.

A while back he landed home in good spirits and decided to make an announcement... “Honey… Guess what I want tonight?”

Preoccupied, I rolled my eyes and asked ..."What?”

“I want some BUSCH...!" 

In that exact moment, he held up a six pack of American beer over his head and we both roared with laughter. Just like that, I was instantly pummeled into naughty thought submission. What can I say, there really is nothing better than laughter, to ease my mind...

Well, there is,  but I never registered for adult content, so we'll just leave it at that!

Leafing It Up To You!

What a crazy couple of weeks. In my last two week pay period, I logged about 125 hours and I didn’t work Thanksgiving Monday.  As a result, my husband has taken on more than his fair share of the chores this fall. He did the wood alone, closed the cottage alone, so I promised I'd clear the leaves, alone. 

I love doing the leaves. There’s just one small problem. With the weather as shitty as it is (and me spending the next three out of five weekends in the city) Tony knows he'd get stuck raking them pesky suckers before the snow flies.

This afternoon, I was washing the kitchen floor, when I heard a ruckus next door. As the dogs began freaking out, my curiosity got the best of me. Low and behold there was a couple blowing the neighbours leaves.  Holy doodle they were getting the job done. When I called Tony into the kitchen to check it out, I only had to ask once. "Why don't we just go for it?" 

Standing at the kitchen window watching him beg!
Taken: October 26th, 2013

Quicker that he and I could discuss what the job may be worth, I saw him next door holding out some cash and pleading that they get the hell to our place pronto. It worked.

"We're next on the list" he announced. 

The only time I have ever seen him move that fast, was when Jamie was a baby. Jukebox had finally fallen asleep and we hadn't had been intimate in over a month and a half. 

Seriously, today was a flashback. He was moving Donovan Bailey fast!!

On a sullen note, I'm sad to report that even with that arduous chore checked off our list, there's still so much to do that we won't be dressing up and boarding the party bus to celebrate Halloween tonight. Too bad really, I had a nice little French Maid ditty in my closet all ready to go.

I can't believe the Gardener trumped the sexy Maid. Well, let's all agree. That it's a Gardener... that I didn`t hire, and that doesn't report directly to me!

BAZINGA!

What Happiness Looks Like

My husband and I inherited our friend Brian from my father. 

You see, Brian was Poppa’s next door neighbour. In fact, he always used to say to he and Renee “let me know if you're having a party. I'll roll over onto my good ear. I won't hear a thing!” My Dad loved them both very much.

Our couple friendship solidified in 1999, when Brian was our Realtor Extraordinaire on our Orillia Lake purchase. Outside of that, I remember the first time we got together to play cards. It was automatically the men against the women. It became a constant source of banter, not to mention pure comedic relief each and every time we got together. 

I lost my long standing euchre partner Renee to breast cancer a few years back. She suffered terribly, I miss her even today, but my story really is about Brian. He endured an exhausting and heartbreaking journey, handled it impeccably, so naturally we prayed he'd once again find happiness.

Quite simply a 'BLT' moment... Brian Loves Tess.
Taken: October 5th, 2013
Orillia Lake

Enter... Tess

I remember the first time we ran into them at the Home Depot.

Brian was his jovial self, while Tess was welcoming and looked absolutely amazing. Shopping at the home depot no less!

As a couple they have an energy. More a calmness really, which is very comforting to witness. Meant to be is the only way I can describe it.

Anyway, Saturday, Brian brought Tess out to Orillia Lake for the very first time. We raised our glasses to our health, and we played our very first game of Euchre.

Once again, it was guys against the girls. Once again, the girls kicked some serious ass. 

Of course, on cue, Brian and Tony accused Tess and I of cheating (on our very first hand) which leads me to my final thoughts.

TESS, thanks so very much for the really great visit. 

BOYS, it's been almost fifteen years... Face the statistical facts. 

You are BOTH just really shitty euchre players!

“Here Honey… Hold This Sign!”

What can I say? I have been blessed with a wicked sense of humour. Today, I would like to officially go on record with the fact that so has my husband. I really do love to laugh, and 9 times out of 10 he’s the one that's bending me over. Seriously? Get your minds out of the gutter!

As you know, I always have a camera with me, it's an extension of who I am. Last month when we were shopping together in a knick-knack shop, I came across a very unique sign. With a very straight face (and little emotion) I handed it to him then immediately held up my phone to snap this pic. 

What can I say other than... Isn't this a great sign?
Taken: April 2013

“Here Honey… Hold this sign” I said in my very best sex kitten voice. 

"Now SMILE..." I added.

Suffice is to say that after 25 years of marriage he did exactly what I asked. 

I quickly snapped the picture then totally busted a gut laughing! 

Seriously, I know my sense of humour is sick at times, but this is just bat shit freakin' funny! Best part? His immediately requested me to email it to him so that he could share my joke with his buddy Al.

Thank you Tony. I had forgotten what a fun day this was until you showed Doug this pic on your phone last night. I love that you totally still get me after all of these years. By the way, nice smile!

W Is For... WALKABOUT

Sun, just like water and fire, have my unconditional respect. All three are extremely dangerous when taken for granted. It was evident night before last around 7pm when the effects of the hypnotic power of the UV rays bouncing off the Atlantic had been ignored all day.

Both my daughter and my sister had suffered a terrible burn the first day in the wind. My sunscreen kept me free from harm yet I was a little bummed that I hadn't really tanned. Each day brought weather challenges but the day before yesterday was absolutely perfect and my skin was more protected than any condom commercial ever produced.

Out and about early, I ventured about a mile up the beach, and swam in the ocean most of the day. My daughter was cautious so that her skin could heal but my sister was another story. Miss "my skin needs to burn before I can get a tan" needed an Olympic size swimming pool of aloe and a bottle of Advil to fall asleep night before last. Man, her skin made fire engine red look pink!

April 26th, 2013 - WALKABOUT
Wailing for the SkyWheel to start. Amazing!
Taken: April 25/13

With an overcast day in the weather forecast, our plan yesterday was to head to the Hub for a walkabout.  

Staci and I wanted to walk the Pier and take in the large Ferris wheel that had caught our attention  last Christmas.

We enjoyed a fun lunch then fed our parking meter just north of Ocean Blvd. We walked and talked heading to our first stop which was the landmark SkyWheel. After five rotations we headed to the Pier, took some great pictures, then shopped until we dropped.

The only downside? Though our walkabout was amazing, when we got back to the house, Puddin' and Dot had been into mischief. In the middle of the living room was our jar of peanut butter open, with about a third of it gone.

In shock my sister yells "how the hell did she get that off the shelf it was on in the pantry"? My response was the immediate and obvious. "She stood on Dottie's back!" 

"How did they get it open" she continued. Staci didn't miss a beat, "by using their thumbs silly!" 

That's MY GIRL! Why? Because life is short... Ya Gotta Laugh About It. 

As promised, this one's for you Brian Morrison. This one's for you!

I Had My Best Friday Call EVER!

You know your life is simple when you look forward to a single phone conversation each and every Friday. I’ll be honest. I watch the clock. As 'crazy busy' as I was today, I still looked forward to laughing with my favorite geographically challenged colleague.

Last week on the radio, I heard that ‘men prefer women with a sense of humour over one with looks’. Though I find that hard to believe, I tend to agree with the statement. I love a man that can make me laugh.

I embrace every kind of humour but quick wit is my favorite. I love (and totally respect) a person that can be in the moment. Someone that can keep up with me and the comedic train wreck I always offer. I take my shots, they take theirs, it’s all in good fun. Never spiteful; yet heartfelt, genuine, and respectful.

I feel I should mention that we’ve raised our children to understand and also embrace humour.

My pic of Staci and David was taken when they were six. At twenty, if I would have had them on the speaker phone for my call this afternoon, they would have laughed as hard as I did.

At the end of the day, humour is a universal language.

I’m not sure why I look forward to my silly little weekly call so much. 

It’s not because it’s clandestine; everyone in my office knows I get the call (truthfully they tend to hang around to overhear the banter). Heck, last week I took my call at home and the entire house could hear me laughing. Tony was nice enough to usher the dogs from my office so I wasn’t disturbed.

Why do I look forward to my Friday afternoon endorphin raising phone call so much?

Because it’s mine! 

My Psychiatrist Told Me I'm Going Crazy….

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy.  I told him, 'If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion.'  He said, 'Alright.... You're ugly too!' ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I had a crazy day and it was certainly ugly too!

I'm so relieved that I am home now and resting comfortably, in my custom made, imported, Burberry straight jacket.  Aside from the constant drool pouring down the front of me, I’m lookin’ hot!

Seriously, the only personal insight I can assign to the day I’ve just had?

…Ya Gotta Laugh About it!

They always say “when it rains, it pours”. My take on that specific quote is; when the idiotic 'snowball effect' grabs hold of a perfectly great day, I wind up (for lack of a better phrase) emotionally spent.

It started as I led the morning meeting, overflowed into a mid-morning customer melt down, toss in zero-zip for lunch, finally I had to re-read (over and over) a mid-afternoon personal email . Honestly, it's more that.  My long string of 12+ hour days have exasperated my overall personal frustration.

Seriously, the fact that I can’t get out to the cottage is crazy. For crying out loud, my dock is fifteen minutes away from my house. With the amazing weather we're having, the thought that my buttocks isn't firmly planted on said dock is borderline criminal!

Wait, it gets better. The one person that has brought a real sense of normalcy to my insane work life in the last year resigned today. Definitely a very strong member of our team (suffice is to say I tried to talk him out of it). Unfortunately, his mind was already made up. As I folded my cards in defeat, I stated something which I believe to be 100% true.

“A person only ever leaves a job for one of two reason; because they have a shitty boss, or they can make more money elsewhere.”  I’m pleased to report that his reason was the latter. DIRR-PIRR-DIRR buddddd… DIRR-PIRR-DIRR! 

As the sun goes down and my eyes get ready for rest I'll look forward to what tomorrow may offer. Let's hope it's at least lunch!

As I've said a million times before. GREET each new day folks. Life is short.