ONLY YOU CONTROL YOUR SHINE

I am a firm believer that only those whom truly care about you can hear you when you’re quiet.

I  also wholeheartedly believe that great friendships, and relationships to some extent, never actually end. Instead, it’s like they go into hibernation until both are ready to participate again. That, or until the overall effort is placed into a folder labelled life lessons learned; only for you to reflect upon when your life calls on you to verbalize to yourself about what NOT to do.

A cool streetlamp pic as I am walking to carpool
TAKEN: JANUARY 23th, 2018

My point is that I was sitting across from a co-worker today, sipping a bowl of soup, watching her describe a very unique and special friendship she'd had. It was amazing to watch. I'm not kidding, her entire face lit up and she was excited to be reminiscing.

In the end, she'd shared that her relocation & personal injury meant they had lost touch about two years ago. We finished our lunch, returned to the office and went back to business.

I couldn't help but continue to think about what she'd said. I grabbed my phone and walked over to her office. I showed her this picture, telling her its premise was to compliment a post I have been working on that speaks to exactly what we had discussed at lunch. I followed that with a very enthusiastic (picture the pompoms and cheerleader outfit folks)... "Get in touch with your friend. You never know where they are at in their life."

Any/all friendships & relationships are about finding a balance, and more importantly trust. I have a plethora of acquaintances in my day to day life, too many to name, and just a handful of true friends. You know the ones, that would unconditionally do anything for the other?

That may read a tad arrogant but I think Ed Sheeran explained it best in an episode of Carpool Karaoke, when he admitted that he had a cellphone for a about two weeks then no longer bothered to charge it. He said he would wake in the morning to fifty plus  messages and none of them would simply say: ‘hey, how are you?’

Instead, they would all be asking, ‘can I have this, can you lend me this, can you do this, can I get this?' Which he described as incredibly draining; and believe it or not, I can totally relate.

I have honestly stopped communicating with certain people because it became all about what they needed and nothing about overall balance. All they seemed to do was take take take. There would always be bait disguised as care, but their personal agenda was very evident.

In the end, I share with those I surround myself with something called 'my shine'. Truth be known, I stole the label about a year ago from my lunch mate today.

Though her personality makes mine look like an introvert, she's taught me a number of very valuable life lessons in a very short period of time.

I'm not bragging or anything but she & I are in true friend territory!

...and it's not just because we both like soup.

SOME ADVICE TO LIVE BY

It's that time of year again, when you spend the majority of your much earned time off, going through all of the motions that are expected. Yet, the truth of the matter is you can't wait to get an evening to yourself; so you can crack open a bag of Doritos and cheerfully comment aloud that 'they're definitely the most underrated hors d'oeuvre!'

What a year. What a hell bent, Skinny Minnie Miller, roller derby, whirlwind full of exit drama kinda year. Those latter bull crap filled shenanigans ultimately had the Russian judge award me a perfect 10.0 for my year end dismount. That unexpected score right there, has me quietly reflecting in my fuzzy socks this New Years Eve. So many emotions yet not a single regret. Just an amazing amount of personal enthusiasm for what the coming year has to offer.

Relax, this isn't a 'new year - new me' electronic journal post. Because as you all know, I have worked very hard to get to this phenomenal place called balance. Instead, my post has me reporting that under our severe cold freeze, I took it upon myself to get out of the house and walk to town yesterday to get a new high speed router.

My timing to town was perfect, which allowed me the privilege of taking my daughter for a bite of lunch at our favourite coffee shop. After a great visit and some much needed 'I love yous,' I headed back toward the homestead on foot. Man, it was cold. I hadn't noticed the bitter windchill heading to town as it must have been to my back.

Singing and walking at a pace just shy of a slow jog,  I tackled the last large hill toward my final straight stretch. With my face freezing from the windchill, I decided to call my husband. I told him where I was at and to let the dogs out in the next couple of minutes so they could get a good run in to come and meet me.

My beautiful airborne Annie... with Puddin' and Dot!
TAKEN: DECEMBER 30th, 2017

As I turned the corner & called their names, from hundreds of meters away, I could see them bolt and my beautiful Annie begin to fly.

As I grabbed my phone I laughed a loud. All my mind could process from the oncoming visual was THIS's what unconditional love looks like!

It's that simple.

In 2018, make a conscious effort to radiate the energy you want to receive. Always keep your words kind, and the tone of your voice kinder. Spend time with the people in your life that align with your personal philosophies; and less with those that don't.

 Most importantly? ...Don't be a dick!

As we officially ring in our seventh eve together, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very Happy New Year and once again thank you all so very much for reading.

Cheers to 2018 ~ Rhondi 

MY GREATEST LOVE OF ALL

It rained here all day Saturday. And, because my car was going to be in the shop until Tuesday, I couldn’t get the pups to the cottage for Thanksgiving weekend. Instead, I decided to do my chores at the house and stay in town.

Stir crazy from the rain in the afternoon, I decided to go hunting for the glasses I collect. My first stop was the Habitat Re-Store. When I got skunked there, I headed to the Salvation Army Thrift Store. Again, nothing on my Petro Canada glass hunt but I managed to get magnetically drawn into their used book section. I love browsing used books. I've always felt previously read books are on an individual journey each having their own story of lives they've influenced.

Thanks Sally Anne!
TAKEN: OCTBER 7th, 2017

Anyway, standing in front of hundreds of books, I began to search for the author I have read and collected since before I got married. 

Though I do read a wide variety of books I tend to find a comfort in her simplistic approach to stories. Fluff is a strong word but because I'm realistic; I'll admit they're always very formulaic & served with a large side order of fluff... and I'm OK with that.

Browsing the thrift store bookshelves Saturday, I hit the proverbial hard cover jackpot. A section dedicated to her, grouped together just waiting for me.

 I pulled up a chair and stared at them in awe. I drug my finger across the spine of each one to read the titles and pick which I wanted to entertain first. I grabbed one I'd never read but had always been drawn to its title. (She'd penned it in 1991.)

As I opened the book, my heart skipped a beat. I know this is going to read a tad corny but just like my GPS, every so often I believe the universe tends to send me directions. This was one of those moments. Once I curtailed my awe, I slammed the book shut and cradled it in my arm and started opening every other one of her books. None of them contained the note I had found in the first one I picked up. For me, the moment seemed special. Who was sending me this sign?

The common sense side of my brain told me that it was one of the elderly volunteers trying to increase used books sales, yet my imagination began to swirl with the idea that it was meant for me. Why this author? Why this book? Why me? How could I leave it for another?

A couple of days later, I still think it's neat. That said, if it really was only Gert in the back, watching and giggling as I stood there convincing myself this was a sign for me...?

All I'll say is, well played Gertrude. Well fecking played. You're a thrift store genius.

...Because I bought the well marketed book!

A MILLION WONDERFUL WORDS

Well, it poured rain the majority of this past long weekend.

Ignoring the 14 day long term weather forecast, a couple of weeks ago I decided to book a vacation day for today, hoping in the off chance it might eventually clear. That said, I wasn't surprised this afternoon when my good nature & cheery disposition were out of sorts.

When I woke this morn it was very apparent that summer's ending quicker than I could have ever expected. Though I’ve always faithfully flown an “I love fall” banner, the almanac this year's reporting that the snow will arrive mid-October and not leave until the lakes open next spring; which is probably why I fired the stupid thing straight into the wood stove to fuel my cast iron tea kettle!

Feeling my summer separation anxiety bordering a full-blown panic attack (per the annual norm) I looked to what soothes me best; the thousands of wonderful photos I have taken this season.

It may not have been the best summer weather on record but I managed to find me a stitch of mischief to get into, an above average amount of family fun to embrace, whilst soaking up some serious weekend downtime.

AMAZING memories were created in-spite of the plethora of rain we've received this season.
TAKEN: SUMMER 2017

Let’s see, record rainfall aside, the coles notes version starts with the fact that that I managed to get a killer tan. In addition to that earth shattering news, I stayed up well past my past by bed time, not once but three times.

I broke my toe jumping into the shallow end of a pool that didn’t have a deep end, and I managed to get Dot out in the boat that floats in between lightening strikes. She was estatic; the two I left behind, not so much.

I was blessed to attended the most beautiful wedding in the rain as Jukebox stood witness. Only to beam with even more pride as he became a finalist in the Muskoka Voice contest, a local version of the elimination show on NBC. Equally as exciting is that we sense Goob has truly found his perfect match, while Staci was busy ticking something very special off her bucket list.

From a personal level, I finally stopped feeding a somewhat important parking meter, then reconnected with an old friend that had unexpectedly fed ours. My husband got a promotion at work... and as I celebrate my annual work anniversary, I am blessed wake up every morning and head to a job I truly love.

As the cottage warms to the glow as the farmers almanac I've torched, I am happy to share some of my memories. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then my memories of this unique and amazing summer must be worth at least a million.

It was Oscar Wilde that noted: "...and all at once, summer collapsed into fall."

Here. Here. Who's ready to start carving pumpkins?

Surprisingly, ME!

BAD LUCK OR LIFE LESSON?

For a very specific reason, at 5:15 a.m. yesterday morning, I reflected that I’d read somewhere that there's no such thing as good luck or bad luck. Instead, the big picture theory's that life itself is simply a vast array of either life lessons or blessings. Trust me when I share that when I mumbled those paraphrased words aloud before dawn yesterday morn it involved some extreme profanity; so I'll breeze over those specifics and fast forward to my point.

You can imagine my struggle to understand my general ability to compartmentalize my lot called a lesson whilst standing in the middle of my flooded downstairs family room at dawn. For instance, should that truly be the case, how the hell can I get out of this overrated classroom teaching me life lessons that mimic reality? 

Short story long, I returned home after an amazing weekend to a burst hot water tank. Now, here's where it gets interesting. I must say, what a difference 36 hours makes.

Before and after. It makes me sad.
TAKEN: JULY 10th, 2017

With the kids grown and gone, I head downstairs no more than once a week to clean. Because our home is without air-conditioning, from May to October, that space is pretty much doggie central. I keep it cool for the pups, whom generally scurry to the door when I pull in the driveway, so I never feel the need to visit them in their space.

To compound that, the laundry gets done by hand via my glass washboard at the cottage. So, though I still clean their space weekly, I have no need for the laundry room. I guess I could admit that I'm grateful something unexpectedly tumbled down the stairs yesterday morning, or I wouldn't have gone downstairs. Could going downstairs be characterized as a blessing?

Anyway, by mid-morning, I recalled I did a lot of research before we pulled up the carpet and replaced it with laminated flooring, not hardwood. Yesterday, my research became one of those things in disguise. The floating floor we'd installed was up in about an hour and a half, presenting me with blessing #2.

Blessing number 3? Treat people the way you want to be treated. One call and my new high efficiency hot water tank was purchased and installed by early afternoon. With fans oscillating and dehumidifiers buzzing I can only hope that I can afford to replace the flooring I really loved.

Afterall, we all know hydro gets paid first and I can see the spike in consumption from the instant the tank went down.  Though I had an amazing weekend, when all is said and done I am thinking I could have flown to see my best electronic friend for the lot of hydro that was consumed waiting for me to experience my first blessing. 

So I'll leave you with two things: Enough with the life lessons & I hate Hydro.

OK, three things. Lastly.... Ya gotta laugh about it!

AN INVESTMENT IN MYSELF

Rockin' our public school stage!
(Dr. M didn't perform in this play.)
TAKEN: APRIL 1977

When I found out last Christmas that a very dear friend & close confidant was diagnosed with colorectal cancer, I was gob smacked. I remember as the words were being uttered, my heart immediately sank to the bottom of my toes. As a result, I knew it was time to take a personal inventory and work towards ensuring I had a clean bill of health.

I have an aunt that was struck with colon cancer (and survived) so it has been in the back of my mind for a very long time. Always a very picky eater, a high fiber diet's something that has always eluded me; until, well, a couple of months ago.

With a new wellness doctor to help me along the way, I've pretty much felt like a lab rat since getting that first series of blood results back. Though I am grateful my sugar levels are OK, I seemed to have some rather serious issues elsewhere.

Anyway, when I was referred to a local surgeon to do my colonoscopy, I shared with my family physician that we had known each other since public school. As a matter a fact, I shared that I specifically remembered the day he arrived into our open area classroom from England.

When they wheeled me into the OR, he wasn't far behind. Once we were finished our pleasantries, he lifted the sheet covering me to inspect my feet for swelling. He acknowledged  my pedicure and moved toward the top of the sheet telling me he needed to listen to my heart. When he moved the stethoscope for the third time, I quietly asked, '...is it still there?'

His response was genuine: 'Rhondi, there was never any doubt!'

I was obviously very nervous, so as he prepared to administer my dug laden cocktail into my intravenous, I felt the need to break the ice. 'Listen...' I said.

I'm going to show you something here today and it's not gonna be my tits.' I continued. 'I popped those puppies out for Betty over in diagnostic imaging a couple of weeks ago!' ...Everyone in the O.R. burst into laughter.

Jokes aside, do yourself a favour and get tested for every single one of our silent enemies. It may be a tad humbling but you need to make that very specific investment in yourself.

Because just like yours truly.... You're worth it!

X IS FOR X-TRA

I have to admit that this letter of the alphabet is always the most challenging for me. Even though this is my fifth year participating in April A-Z, this is the fourth year I have chosen a hybrid for this specific letter. It's not an uncommon practice so when I was trying to decide on a word, once again my quest for my waist (and the x-tra pounds I'm carrying) immediately rushed to the front of my cranium.

Me carrying an x-tra 60 pounds
TAKEN NOVEMBER 7th, 2011

The photo am sharing was taken in November of 2011 and about a month after I left a very stressful job. It was during my tenure working there that I realized I was self medicating with food and my husband was enabling me. 

About a month and a half after this photo was taken (and during the December holiday break) that I officially tipped the scales at 200 pounds.  Seeing myself in a specific Christmas photo made me realize I was out of control; and that new years I made a commitment to myself and got my life/health back on track. 

It took me 18 months to lose the more than 50 pounds from my frame the took me 5 years to gain, and this last fall, more stress once again had me on a quest for my waist. I am pleased to report that I have a wellness coach and I have completely changed my lifestyle so that this never happens again.

At least that's what I tell myself  when I crave an unhealthy snack or look at this picture!

L IS FOR LOVE

I can't begin to explain what I experienced when I was away for my birthday trip. I have always been somewhat of a closeted artist and no matter what, I always make an effort to embrace any and all offerings in their context. When I was in New Orleans, I expereinced a medium that was new to me: a living statue.

This is what I was given when I placed some money at her feet. Otherwise, she never moved.
Respect is what we awe... Love is what we give.
TAKEN: APRIL 9th, 2017

A living statue is a street artist who poses as a statue or mannequin, for hours at a time. The one I am sharing today absolutely moved me. I watched her in the scorching hot sun as her perspiration formed pools of sweat dripping from her elbows and her back was completely soaked. Nothing distracted her and her vibe was awe inspiring. 

Out of respect, if I took a photo or videotaped an artist, I left them a monetary reward for entertaining me. This is the only artist I rewarded twice. Once after I took her photo the first time and again when she gently moved to hand me her message. The moment of watching her move and offer me this small gift still gives me goosebumps as I type. In that moment, I thanked her. 

...Because the only thing more powerful than giving love, is receiving it.

Have a great day.

K IS FOR KARMA

As you may or may not know, I have a deep seeded belief in the natural law of karma. No matter how silly this reads, I truly believe vindictive people, that go out of their way to hurt others, will end up eventually getting what they are entitled; their just desserts. 

You've read here over and over again that I treat people the way I want to be treated. If there is a disconnect between where we've been and where we are going, I harbour no ill will. I simply disconnect myself from that person and continue to gravitate to those that have earned the amazing energy I expend.

My post's a reminder: Never lose sight that your actions control your destiny.

STUPID MENTAL-PAUSE

So it begins. The complete and total bullshit that goes along with getting older. To hell will growing old gracefully, lately I've been pummeled into submission by flurry of medical jargon, all looping back to simple fact that I am a quinquagenarian. I'm seriously pissed off, though really just mad at myself.

In 2011 I made some very significant life changes and lost close to 50 lbs. When I share that with people they seem surprised but the truth of the matter is that I disguised it quite well with how I dressed. During that journey, I promised myself I would never let it happen again. Until this past December, when I was blind-sided by an emotional setback and a quick spike of weight gain returned. Not because I was ill, simply because I was self medicating myself through a very trying time: with food.

I LOVE MAXINE!
(C) Hallmark Licensing Inc.

If that surprises you, I will admit that I engage in regular conversation with a good friend about the power of food and the damage it can do. I haven't always struggled, it's just that my relationship with food changed drastically after my dad died in June 2005.

Shortly after his passing the tipping of the scale (so to speak) was slower at first. The settling of the estate took longer than expected which was not only stressful but extremely painful personally.

Little by little my portion sizes got larger and the muscle mass and cardiovascular condition I had worked my entire life to build up, slowly deteriorated.

In hindsight, I recall during this painful time, I hid how much I ate and internalized everything. Thanks to some good therapy, I learned to rationalize and understand what was happening personally and counter balance the triggers. Apparently this last slip has come with some severe consequences; all which are intertwined to my long term health and wellness.

You see, when a close friend was diagnosed with colorectal cancer, I figured it was time to get the skinny (no pun intended) on where I was at with my overall health. Going in, I had some severe underlying concerns but my main fear was being diagnosed with diabetes. Turns out I am A-OK in that department but have a plethora of other issues directly related to my weight gain. So, I have to lose 20 lbs in 3 months.

I lost the 50lbs I was mentioning with the time lapse being close to a year. Not bad as the gain happened over four years but in this challenge, I won't have that luxury. Apparently I have to become as close to a vegan as humanly possible. For a person that loves beef and pork and every single fixin' they get plated with, I think it will be a definite challenge.

With no one to blame but myself, I am not going to allow anyone to enable me into thinking I have food options outside the wellness doctor I have been assigned. Besides, you know what I always say.....

Life is hard right up until the moment it isn't!

PLEASE CHECK YOUR MILK CARTON...

 Cheers to my newest Brit friend June...
Cozumel was amazing.
So was my very first margarita!
TAKEN: DECEMBER 3rd, 2016

Has your life ever gotten so busy that you've lost track of who you really are? Well, I am sad to report that I honestly feel that scenario has officially happened to me. Gobsmacked to admit it, all I can manage to type is... What the freakin' hell is going on!

Here's the skinny. Unbeknownst to yours truly, in the last year and a half, I've somehow evolved into an ultra conservative schoolmarm. I may have always been lacking on the adventurous side when it came to risk taking, but schoolmarmishness (my new word of the week) has never remotely been an option. To make matters worse, I've always envisioned myself being the one in the old age home embracing sarcasm and telling jokes filled with sexual innuendo; or so I'd thought.

What I do know is that my very new to me condition became polarized about six months ago. I remember it well because there was a very specific moment in which I realized that I had evolved into a completely different person than the one I'd worked the last five years to discover. Then, my heavyhearted worry came full circle with the sharp realization that I was suspiciously comfortable in authentic knee length pantaloons whilst sporting little makeup and bad hair in public.

Yup, it was in that very moment of downtown comfort that I realized what I'd transformed into & that there needed to be some serious changes made quickly. Comfortable albeit still in a state of disbelief, I frantically went from store to store around town checking milk cartons and the missing person photos on side. Sadly, though there have been a couple of reported sightings of the good ole me, they have been few and far between.

The good news is that my analysis tells me that there were glimpses of me on my last trip to Mexico. It also tells me that returning to the harsh December Muskoka tundra, had me immediately revert back to searching for those comfy pantaloons quicker than Donald Trump lies. It's true, my reversion was  instantaneous. As a result, I decided to take another kick at the 'rediscover my identity' can.

Next weekend I am leaving on a jet plane for a girlz getaway. It's only for 3 nights but it is the first time in my entire life that I am hopping a plane and I am not completely burnt out. There will be no overthinking and most definitely no schoolmarmishness happening. Just a conscious effort to regain a personal starting point whilst basking in the Caribbean sun.

As you can imagine, last minute this time of year can be expensive. Here's hoping when on my rediscovery mission I find myself on a local milk container and haul my pantaloonless ass home. I have to say, it would be great for their carton stats to have rescued another one.

...To which I would always be grateful.

AM I JINXED... OR IS IT JUSTICE?

For a very long time, years in fact, I've been debating replacing my beloved Blackberry. The truth of the matter is because it was once such a stellar Canadian company, I swore I would stay loyal until their ship officially sunk. Recently (via my cell phone provider) I discovered that Google's bought a large chunk of Blackberry and has hammered home an Android only application mandate. With all ongoing support quickly evaporating, I realized that my Blackberry Classic rollerball/keypad buttons/happy hub days were officially numbered.

Adamant that I would never EVER buy an iPhone, I began to research Samsung. My first purchase was their tablet, next their television, then first of November past I bought their S6 Edge cellphone. Still unsure I could ever let my Blackberry go, I bought this very sexy phone previously used. You know, so that we could date for a while before making any kind of long term commitment to each other.

Well, from the get go I immediately struggled. I hung in so not appear bias; then I left for Mexico and all hell broke loose. About half way through my two week vacation, my new to me Samsung shut off and wouldn’t reboot. I trolled and scrambled online to find out the issue but short story long, I assessed that it was probably toast. I was heartbroken. Not because I had become attached to the phone but because my great quality vaycay pics had been lost. As a result, I had to retrieve my trusty Blackberry from the resort safe. It had been locked in there since the very first day.

When I got back to Canada I didn’t deal with my new to me phone issue head on, just simply tried to start it every day, in hopes of some technological miracle. It never arrived.  So after Christmas, once I was mentally prepared to lose all my pictures, I took it into our local iRepair shop. They told me that all it needed a new charging port. The next day, and another $73.95 invested, I had my device and all of my pictures back.

Grateful for my vaycay pics back. Great view from my room!
Photo Credit: Blackberry Classic
TAKEN: DECEMBER 30th, 2016

All of that said, I was still not 100% committed to changing, so I continued use both phones in tandem.... Fast forward to last weekend. Which is where I get pissed off.

I've never carried my phone in my pocket, always in my purse. Last Saturday my extremely expensive cellphone (with the sexy curved screen) inadvertently landed in my unzipped coat pocket. Pissed off at a specific moment in my day, I hopped in the car slammed the door. With something jamming it, it wouldn't close.

Thinking nothing of it, I reefed on the door again putting all my frustration behind it, I heard a crunch. Finally, I adjusted my coat and tried a third time and it closed. Unbeknownst to me, the noise I was hearing was the shattering of the (newly repaired) S6 screen.

A lengthy stream of profanity later, all I’ll say is that the repair cost almost $300 and I’m spent. I am not putting another dime into this phone, nor am I investing close to $1000 for a new one, I don't care how good the camera is!

That said, I have to wonder if my luck is simply Blackberry karma for my swift shift in company loyalty. If so, I guess I should apologize.... I'm sorry for looking elsewhere Research In Motion. I only chose Samsung as a 'just in case' so that if they acquired you we'd always be together. Who and the hell knew Google was going buy into the game and win the race?

Not this totally jinxed Samsung... and very reflective Blackberry user!

MY BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY SURPRISE

Like everyone I know, I am grateful for the break in humidity, after muddling through two heat waves in as many weeks. It’s cooler this morning, but I still didn’t sleep well last night. I am at the point where I think I may need to start taking a sleep aid. Part of my issue is unplanned stress, the other is the restlessness of the dogs in the night because of the heat; last night was because they slept the day away thanks to the much needed rain.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve written almost everyday, but I am going through a very personal and somewhat dark time, so my keyboard is getting a bit of a brow beating. The one thing I did want to share, was the amazing day I spent with my daughter last weekend. She has some exciting things happening in her busy life and I love the fact that she is comfortable sharing them in my confidence. I have to say, though she still struggles some days, I am so impressed with how she’s doing. Some well deserved inner peace happening there to say the least.

There's nothing life a day on the dock with your daughter!
TAKEN: AUGUST 6th, 2016

Having enjoyed our day so much, I stopped in to see her at her place of employ in the midst of my cottage commute last week. We laughed and hugged like best friends. You never truly know what life may bring, and at this point in time, she’s the one offering me strength. It really is tough being the “sugar” to everybody’s cup of tea, all of the time. That could be why I talk to myself…. I always treat myself the way I want to be treated.

As I sit at my desk at the cottage, I can’t help but think how many things have changed in my life in the last year. So much so that I am excited, albeit a tad nervous of what’s coming my way in the next year or two. That said, I know there won’t be any expansion of a canine nature. The three I have are a mitt full of work. Matter a fact, right at this very moment, they are playing their very favourite game. It’s called... “How to cram 3 dogs under this desk!”

I guess Annie loses this round, because she’s sitting on Puddys’ head. In no way, shape or form, should she lie beside my chair, as the rules of the game clearly state that you must be UNDER my small desk for the entire time I am working at it. Shame on her for arriving late to the party.

On that note, I only have one other important notable to add this morn.

… Holy 14th of August Batman! I can't believe it's the 14th of August!!

(l-r) Puddin', Dottie & Annie experiencing separation anxiety from Sweetie!
TAJKEN: AUGUST 6th, 2016

U IS FOR UNBELIEVEABLE

A year ago last week, my husband and I scrambled to arranged for a plane ticket for our only daughter and brought her home. She'd moved 3,400 kms away from us the year previous and for the five months before her return, we'd been estranged. It was a trying time for all but the relationship that we knew was poisonous from the start was over and she headed east to start anew.

Focused on the positive, our entire family promised we wouldn't press discussion about what had transpired, nor dwell on the mean things said. The truth was, when we picked her up at the airport we immediately knew she had a long road ahead of her. She would need to heal; mentally, physically and most importantly emotionally.

Staccs heading out with her crew.
TAKEN: APRIL 23rd, 2016

Well, with all of that in the past, I am pleased to report that a year later she's doing well... It's unbelievable!

Just look at her. Physically and spiritually, everyday she morphing back to a person that can finally experience joy.

Gone's the boyfriend that use to abuse her. Back is my gal, embracing a life she knew she was always worthy of. She's happy. Has a job she enjoys and has reconnected with friends she'd been told to shun because of the relationship she'd been in. 

A few months ago she began dating again. It's nice to see gentleman callers coming around and I'm glad she immediately explains she's in no hurry. I suspect it has something to do with the trust issues she has developed. In time, I'm sure those scars will heal too. 

L IS FOR LOYALTY

GONE are the days when I work for a company...  where my loyalty is taken for granted!!
TAKEN: JULY 2012

THE END OF A FAMILY ERA

Heading home from work this afternoon, the Sweeney-Miester mentioned that she’d like to stop by the grocery store on the way home. We knew that one in particular was advertising 25% off everything store-wide, so we thought we’d check it out one last time. 

I have to be honest. When I walked in the front door, I wasn’t prepared for the scene that unfurled. I wandered in and looked around, then turned to my girlfriend and said... “There’s a lot of personal history here."  Seeing the shelves empty hit me like a ton of bricks.  I instantly held up my phone. 

After I snapped this pic, walked the entire store one last time, bought nothing and quietly ventured home. My point is that we have/soon to be had, a Metro grocery store in our town. You see, it's closing to re-open in mid-March as Food Basics. I understand why they are transitioning but in all honesty, it's quite sad. 

Don't you find it that your life flashes in front of your eyes
...at the oddest times?
TAKEN: JANUARY 28th, 2016 

Gone will be the days of the Fresh To Go and Bakery divisions that employed both my boys through their high school years. Not to mention a legendary group of gals my husband playfully labelled the "Metro Queens" that were my daughters' former cashier coworkers; but that's not our only family history within my post.

Working in that grocery store (then Dominion, eventually A&P, now Metro) was the first full-time summer job I ever had. It was the summer of 1984. 

Large brown paper bags were what us hard working cashiers were then packing in, and ice cream most definitely had to be heavily wrapped twice. Paid in cash via a bank envelope every Thursday, it was a much smaller store back then, and ours was still the largest in our town of a little over 9,000 year round residents at the time. 

As I strolled through the empty store tonight, I couldn't help but think of those shifts when all of my children were scheduled and working in store together. I absolutely loved it. Over those four or five years, Metro was the best teen tracking mechanism any parent could've ever hoped for.

I'm proud they earn the opportunity to work there to save for post secondary life. That said, I know for a fact I never shopped anywhere else all those years, paying more than above average for most items in an effort to support them as well as their employer.

I guess the moral of my post is that I find it very sad, that Metro never put any of those high priced extra profits (that our entire town contributed to) back into a store in dire need of good management.

Shame on them!

A VERY BRIGHT FUTURE...

Join me this post in wishing my newest pup a happy ANNIE-versary. You see, it’s a year ago today she joined our family.

I’ve never really written about that time before but let’s just say, as I boarded a plane to the Caribbean, my daughter boarded a Greyhound bus with her then boyfriend, to return to Alberta. It was a very emotional time for our family, as she'd dismissed us from her new life for being vocal about our feelings about her idiotic shithead, I mean future 'husband'.

As you can imagine, at the time I needed a 3rd dog running around the house like I needed a hole in the head but with my daughter gone, I needed an outlet so that I didn’t focus on what had ultimately unfurled; and Annie was exactly that. Celebratory wishes to my pup aside, I can't begin to describe the joy we felt when she expressed that she wanted to returned to Ontario less than six months later. Once we understood what had transpired, we had her home in a little better than 72 hours, with a promise not to ever dwell on our time apart. We never have.

It pains me to remember just how emotionally spent and somewhat broken she was when we picked her up at the airport. She’d invested her trust and love to a person that was not only mentally unstable but extremely abusive. As silly as this may read, as a mother, the first telltale sign for me how lost she was, was that she’d dyed her beautiful long curly hair jet black.

Well, as the snow begins to fall a year later, I believe that she has made great strides in healing. She's working hard at a full time job, made some exciting new friendships, not to mention nurtured and re-established solid friendships she’d left behind. More importantly, she's finally let certain people go. Those that have ultimately lied and betrayed her over and over again.

Sweetie taking a good look at her very bright future.
TAKEN: NOVEMBER 14th, 2015
(Photo Credit: Our other GOOB)

How cool is it that almost a year after her leaving our home, she posted this photo that I am sharing today. One of her best friends (and someone very dear to our family) had taken it and I absolutely love it. 

So many things come to mind for me when I look at the picture but first and foremost it tells me just how far my daughter has come.

The quite, teary mouse, that returned home, has now reverted in the firecracker we know and love. Though there are (and probably always will be) scars, I think she realizes that her future is much brighter than the darkness that surrounded us a year ago.

As an aside, she allowed me to strip the black hair dye from her hair yesterday afternoon. As I sit here and type with tears rolling down my face, I can assure you my tears a year later are much different. They are truly tears of joy.

You see, in my eyes, something as simple as changing her hair colour... is just another small and simple step to her finding her way back to her very loving and confident self for good. 

A YEAR AGO TODAY

Since starting my work commute with the Sweeney Meister a few months ago, we quickly discovered that we'd both be away on vaycay this month. You may find it odd that I have only been at my new job a minute and a half and I'm packing up to go away for a week; but the truth of the matter is, before I was formally hired in July, I was open about the fact that I needed to travel in November and again after the snow arrives but most definitely before it leaves. Luckily for me, they still offered me a job. 

Well, all these months later, this afternoon I officially wished my carpool buddy a bon voyage. I blew her a kiss from the passenger door and asked her to send word of her travels via Facebook. I am truly excited for her. Though she's never traveled this time of year before (as someone that commutes daily in our Hollywood North winters) I've promised her that she would never NOT want to travel this time of year again. 

Luxury Don Pablo Collection ~ La Romana, DR
TAKEN: NOVEMBER 16th, 2014

The funny thing about that last bit is that when I arrived home from work tonight, I discovered that it was exactly a year ago today that I landed in the sun for my very first November vacation. I truly remember how that trip changed my outlook with regards to my winter life.

I find it interesting how others react when I speak openly about Seasonal Affective Disorder. Some want to challenge me on its validity and look for statistical proof that my happy lights work, others want to discuss how they are personally impacted this time of year. When it comes to yours truly, no matter what the dialogue path, I am open and honest. 

Here's the deal: 

For years I struggled to understand what was happening to me as a person. I had hated the festive season and from the time the clocks fell back until they officially sprang forward, I was not a nice person to be around. I knew by my symptoms I wasn't depressed per say, just always lethargic with a real desire to literally hibernate. The dead nuts honest truth is there were weekends in the winter 15 years ago that I never really got out of my PJ's and tended to entertained the kids with movies/TV in bed. It's like I had to save all of my energy to make the Monday to Friday winter facade exist as if it were July. Suffice is to say that is no longer the case. 

Looking back at my pic from a year ago today, I am pleased to admit that I am happy with how solid my mind set is. Where this time last year I craved a vacation, this year I am feeling blessed and truly looking forward to be able to relax and enjoy one. Life is amazing, the several pairs of cement shoes that were weighing me down have been disposed of, and I am in the best physical condition that I have been in since 2012.

Now, if I could figure out why (as a 29 year old I have so much gray hair) I'd be elated!

IT’s NOT EASY BEING GREEN

It's not easy being green. Especially when you're a red like me.
TAKEN: SEPTEMBER 27th, 2015

Well, as I promised my dogs, we landed at the cottage just in time to start dinner last night. Then, after the kitchen cleanup was complete, the four of us burned brush until well past 10pm. 

You know what they say about your eyes being bigger than your appetite? Well the same goes for me when I take on a task that requires more than my delusions that I can get things done all by myself.

As a result, I stayed in bed this morning and watched a movie. Partially because of the single digit morning temperature but mainly because I know I have to do more of what I was doing last night and my lower back and arms have little motivation to do so. If I could simply win the lottery and be able to afford flat land in Muskoka....

Anyway, as I sip my coffee and pop an Advil, I can’t help but look at the beautiful day ahead of me. The leaves haven’t really started to change and I have to wonder if this may be a year of light yellows and browns rather than the oranges and vibrant reds I really love. The truth is everything here is still very green.

If you think Kermit has it bad being green, think about the poor trees. The expectation for them to change is never ending. We clearly embrace their presence but always have an agenda that pertains to their future. They do their best to please us but never seem to hit that specific mark when it comes to our personal satisfaction. I know a couple of people that I allow to treat me like that.

My point, in a very roundabout way is that the trees don’t have a choice which colour they become or at the speed in which they change and grow, Mother Nature is driving that bus. I on the other hand, know what makes me happy and at this juncture it’s starting to look like it won't include those that play silly games.

Unless of course it’s Canasta, Yahtzee, Scrabble or a solid match of Trivial Pursuit. I love to play those silly games all day long.

Silly little head games disguised as caring for me? Not so much!

KEEPING MY EYE ON THE BALL

It’s unseasonably cold, as well as pouring rain outside here this afternoon. As I’ve mentioned before, because I’m living at the cottage and using my Blackberry as my only internet source, there are certain times of day that tend to tether best. Suffice is to say that by the time 3pm rolls around, I am borderline desperate to change gears.

The only minor downside to stopping early, is that there really are no rainy day amenities here. No satellite dish nor Netflixs to stream, just a bunch of well watched DVD’s and boxes filled with VHS tapes the kids use to watch when they were little. I have loads of books but I’ve read them all and the dogs hate board games. As I listen to the loud rain ping the steel roof above, I can feel myself brooding inside.

Why so glum? Well, as I officially transition, I’ve carefully selected the long term projects I am keeping and chosen which other consulting items have to go. As I slowly get my ducks in a row, I am finding myself a tad overwhelmed. Fold in my innate fear of the unknown and this afternoon has me questioning my decision to spend the next month here alone.

Just like with my Annie... Some things are easier said than done.
TAKEN: AUGUST 3rd, 2015

That said, as I confidentially wrap a blanket around myself to stay cozy, I truly feel that if I can simply stay focused and keep my eye on the ball everything will be okay.

Believe it or not, I use to give that advice to my clients/employers all the time. 

“Don’t worry about what your competitors are doing," I'd always say.  "The data doesn't lie.” 

“As soon as you turn your head to look at what others are doing, you lose your lead!”

As I hear myself typing and saying those words out loud, I'm feeling a little of the latter in my personal life. I have so much complete and total garbled bullshit noise happening around me that I’m worried I am losing my focus on what matters most; which is not even remotely an option.

So it’s official. I’m not going to turn my head and I am going to block out all the garbled noise of inconsistency, panic, unnecessary drama and overzealous demands. I am simply just going to keep my eye on the ball and knock it the hell outta the park.

Glass half full? Maybe the Jays will draft me!!

As the sun is now out and the sky is also clear…Thanks for listening.