Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Will It Really Only Hurt For A Minute?

I wish I truly understood why some people bring out the worst in me. If I had to venture a guess I'd say it's some kind of a boy that cried wolf syndrome. You know, unconditional trust followed by ongoing disappointment that just numbs me to hollow words. Eventually, I can no longer trust them.

I wish it were more complicated than that but I fear it's not. If there's one thing you take from this? I can't emphasise enough that you should never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

In the last few weeks (while feeling lost in this shit storm) I had two old friends/colleagues feed what I would consider to be our expired friendship parking metre. The first one I have delightfully accepted back into my friend-zone but the other one did not pass go and did not collect his $200. THAT right there was a Monopoly reference, not how much I pay people to talk to me!

Chuckles aside, not even last night when they disclosed "I miss you" did I waver.

True to myself, all day today I made a list of the pros and cons of how easy it would be to slip back into comfortable dialogue. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what my list said. Over the past few years I have lost count of the number of times they have admittedly 'unconsciously' hurt me.

I could say "it's in the past and that's not the direction I'm going"  but I know if I were to let them come back into my life, I would basically give them an open invitation to once again pummel me into submission. My 50 Shades of Grey books say that kind of activity could be an adventure sexually; but lets face it, this is 100% emotional. Emotionally, the wounds in place are deep and the build up of scar tissue thick.

I snapped this photo in my hotel  the morning I flew to Montreal.
The rest is history....
Taken: November 7th, 2013
With one more ma'am hurdle crossed, this 'fat lady' (though I prefer big boned) is officially tuning up to sing.

It may read like she's going to sing a sad song (and on the lower end of her register) but trust me she's gonna be GREAT.

I promise, knowing that it's only going to hurt for only a minute?

You ain't seen nothing yet!!!